Friendly Fire

**I wrote this back in 2015 and never got around to posting it. We now have a beautiful one-year-old daughter and would love for God to bless us with more children. I know my voice is a little hurt and harsh; it might be off-putting to some, but it's like a time capsule of what I was going through 3 years ago.**

Nunya, but...

We have been faithfully practicing NFP throughout our two year marriage.  During that time we have been properly offended (of course we have, this is 2015, after all) by many sides of the aisle.  One acquaintance casually (drunkenly) said, "They're CATHOLIC, man! Of course they're going to be pregnant immediately." Others on that side of opinions have slyly pointed out that it's good we're not pregnant yet, "You want time to travel and to just be married before you decide to have kids." Others who join in that opinion openly chastise parents of more than two kids for having a lot or for having them close in ages; "Why?! Why would you decide to do that?!"

You see here, people: you can "decide" that you're "ready" for kids (cue the veteran parents' guffaws now) or that you've done enough traveling to warrant "getting around to" having kids, but you don't decide when they actually show up. That may seem laughable to those who are treating their "disease of fertility" with oral contraception or barrier contraception, but here's a wake up call: we're not actually in control here.  I know multiple human beings who exist though their parents weren't ready or hadn't traveled enough, as evidenced by the chemical control the woman thought she had over her body. Now many beautiful people exist, despite that assumed control.

It goes the other way, as well.  You don't automatically conceive and host a baby for nine months every time you play house, do the deed, tie your shoes, or whatever the kids call it these days, even if you're following all of the rules. You can know everything about your body's fertility signs and how it works, but that's still not a guarantee that you'll hold a tiny human in your arms in nine months.

How am I supposed to share the truth with people who don't agree with me if I can't even share the truth with people who do agree with me?

You have to think about how many factors have to going into having children.

Open to life means being open to as many children as God gives you and it also means being open to as few children as God gives you.

This is not a cry of, "Get off my back, I'm not a baby-making machine!" This is a call for you to realize you're talking about Love between a man and a woman, which deserves your respect. DATA about fertility and how would your tone change if you knew they were struggling with fertility.

It's none of your business. No matter which side of the aisle (fully secular vs fully NFP - which, unfortunately means have as many children as you can), you shouldn't be asking those questions or prodding.