My Saint Claimed Me

January Prompt: Saints: Picking Them, Picking Us

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"I picked her and I literally have zero in common with her, except our names. And mine has an E," I told my husband less than a month ago, condescendingly patting my 17-year-old self on the head for my shallow reasons in picking my confirmation saint.

Image borrowed from this video. 

I went on to describe her life:

• Lived her childhood through the Revolutionary War
• Husband's formerly healthy business went underwater
• Husband died of tuberculosis after suffering through the disease for most of their marriage
• Family disowned her when she converted
• Raised five children alone
• She looks ridiculously depressed in virtually every rendering
• Eventually started the Sisters of Charity and helped found the current Catholic education system

My saint always depressed me, but what choice did I have? We had the same name, it was easy.

The first image that pops into my head is from a documentary I watched on her at some point in my life. She's in a dark room, kneeling at her husband's bedside, weeping as he passes away. Phew.

My shelf holds at least five books about her, though I knew I'd rather not share her trials. I held her at an arm's length, hoping to avoid more commonalities in my lifetime.

It took a wicked norovirus striking my married household and a PBS video to V8 smack me: She picked me!

Yes, people say that all of the time and I must admit that I've never had a strong dedication to one saint over another. I hardly tap that resource, aside from my constant pleadings for Mary's prayers. I'll blame myself for not seeking ways to answer non-Catholics' digging questions about our relationships with the saints -- instead of having to figure out how to appease the hatahz, I avoided exploring it at all.

Well, I was sitting on the edge of my marriage bed, trying to comfort my ailing husband as he suffered from a ridiculous bug and BOOM. That image of the first American-born saint with her tuberculosis-stricken husband rushed to mind.

I mean, she looks like a ball of fun. Source.

A few days later, I was in class, watching a video about the history of education in America when the era of conception of the Catholic school system played out in front of my eyes. A product of a Catholic high school, it never occurred to me why there would be a Catholic school system, except the obvious: parents wanted their kids to learn Catholic-ness in school.

No, it was because the only free schools for immigrant, Irish (and Italian, Polish, German, etc) children were unabashedly racist against those from the Emerald Isle and extremely anti-Catholic. This is why it's such a big deal that my saint is the patron of Catholic schools: immigrants who wanted their children to learn the faith despite poverty and sincere anti-Catholicism.

She sought me out. I have basically ignored her my entire life as books of her life sat on my shelf, so you can hold onto your arguments of the power of suggestion. She has been far out of my mind for years.

As a recently married grad student currently earning my masters in teaching elementary education and English Language Learners, I'm grateful to finally acknowledge one of the great ladies who has been praying for me throughout my life.

Phew!

A lot has happened since I last wrote on the blog. There was a spirited "discussion" with someone I know in real life on my last blog post (which, like all "discussions" on the topic of marriage have been in the last several months, was really more about two people pretending they "just want to talk about this," but were really trying to unmask the stupidity of the other person's position), I finished my first year of grad school, I MARRIED MY BEST FRIEND, went on our honeymoon, moved into a new-to-me home, and began a summer class (and a new blog - what am I doing to myself?!).

As I make decisions about the direction into which I want to take this blog, I'll pause for one of my number one summertime struggles (oh yeah, first world problem). What should I read?!

Lauren from The Loveliest Hour (and the creative brain behind the Bright Maidens' new blog layout...which we have failed to fill) has a list of 12 Refreshing Reads for Summertime. Go check it out!

Buttons

This will be my last post on same-sex marriage and same-sex parenthood for a while. It will be harder to assert that this is not my number one issue if I keep writing about it, but I thought double-dipping posts by sharing papers I had to write for class fit right into my busy schedule!

Here was my most recent assignment description:

You will be given a button that says “Support Gay Rights.” You decide whether you will wear the button or not, it is up to you. Regardless, you will write a one page paper describing your decision of whether or not to wear the button and how that affected you. How did people react to the button? Were there some times that you felt more comfortable wearing the button? What does this say about how gay people may feel? Reflect on what the button means to you. If you do not know what “Gay Rights” are, how can you find out?

Notice how they pointed out that "gay rights," as they have defined it, are factual, definable rights that I could go look up somewhere rather than showing openness for discussion.

And my reflection:

The button, minus the
"Support Gay Rights" caption

I chose not to wear the button. To prevent myself from forgetting to return the button, I never actually took one to begin with.

This issue is divisive on a number of levels, as our conversations and the film we watched have shown. The film focused on the idea that those who oppose changing the definition of marriage to include same sex marriage get their arguments from the Bible.

I’m here to object to that stereotype, as I have reasons beyond the ones proposed in the film that oppose gay marriage and the adoption of children that often follows. As someone who will be married in about a month, I will point out that I don’t consider marriage a “right” or something that I’m entitled to just because I’m in love with someone of the opposite sex.

Marriage is a foundational building block of our society, as well as virtually every society (non-Judeo-Christian and Judeo-Christian, alike) that has formed in our world. Men and women exist on this Earth as counterpart human beings, not just because of their sexual organs and typical attraction to each other, but because of their biological attributes that complement each other. True, one reason that marriage exists and that the government recognizes it with so many tax and other benefits, is because most marriage unions result in bringing children into the world and into our society.

“Homosexual relationships do nothing to serve the state interest of propagating society, so there is no reason to grant them the costly benefits of marriage,” wrote atheist Adam Kolasinksi. My fellow students may argue that lesbian unions can result in children through artificial insemination. Not only do I believe that removes the beauty of what sex was intended to be from the act of creating a child, but the argument fails to address the fact that we have seen ample evidence to support the need for both a male and female parental unit (anecdotally, David Popenoe's Life Without Father presents a clear message on this topic).

I wish someone would answer the question why free birth control and increased access to abortion are so often supported with the argument that they aim to prevent the increase in single parent homes. There is so much research to support the benefit of a two-parent, dual gender role home in the context of the alternative of a single parent home, but the same doesn’t apply when the topic of same sex marriage and same sex adoption arises.

This is the most comprehensive study to date on the subject of same sex parenthood. It clearly shows that adults 18-39 who grew up in same-sex parent homes have an increased likelihood of smoking, getting arrested, pleading guilty, being on public assistance, being unemployed, to have recently thought about suicide (and many other things), and are less likely to have perceived themselves safe or secure as a child than those who were raised in an "intact" traditional mother-father parent family. 

From the above-linked study

There is probably a greater percentage of people who support same-sex marriage separately from same-sex parenthood and who may even oppose same-sex parenthood for the aforementioned reasons. However, I would pose the question about why that is. Why oppose same-sex parenthood for one reason, but support the institution of marriage to extend to include the very relationship you condone as less than healthy for children?

It’s a rich issue that is open to a lot of discussion, albeit unfortunately divisive discussion. The only “reaction” I can report is that which I faced when I shared with my shoulder partners in class about why I would not wear the pin.

I understand that this is the currently popular position and that my fellow classmates hear the word “rights” and throw their hands up in salute so as not to stand in someone else’s way of social justice. However, I argue that the “right” to marry not only does not extend to same sex couples, but also to three people who want to get married to each other.

Multicultural Education

This was the week. I've been praying in anticipation for my multicultural education class this week, knowing that the topic would be "heterosexism." This really isn't my number one concern for our world, but I knew I would be in the minority on this issue and didn't want to neglect my call to it.

In preparation for this week, the professors gave everyone a circle pin that says "Support Gay Rights," asking us to make our own choice about whether or not to wear it for two weeks. There is a reflection assignment due at the end of the semester reviewing our choice. No discussion, just "will they or won't they?"

I prayed that I could open up my heart to be the Holy Spirit's instrument and that I would be able to communicate Love for person, while still speaking the Truth. I knew this would probably alienate me from most of my classmates.

We have to write a reflection paper at the end of every session of "Multicultural Education." This was mine:

This debate is demeaning Love down to this.

As is my habit, I think I made my views somewhat clear last night. The risk with having views such as mine, especially after the entire class watched that film ["For the Bible Tells Me So"], is that voicing them falls on ears that already have opinions about me as an Other. I wish the button experiment was a discussion rather than an assumption that choosing not to wear the button means one is a bigot or a religious nut. I make a very conscious choice never to use “gay” as a derogatory or to refer to people with same sex attraction as an Other. People with same sex attraction face a lot more struggles than I can comprehend and just like other people who face struggles I don’t fully understand, they deserve my respect and compassion. This issue truly isn’t my number one concern, but I think it influences a lot of other parts of our society that concern me (ie, adoption of children by gay couples intentionally removes a parental role from the family). I understand that I am in a shrinking minority, but the message that I kept hearing last night (“Don’t like gay marriage? Don’t get one.”) is an unfair one that undermines and silences discussion.

I appreciate that the film included parents who discovered that they needed to have compassion and Love for their children. I also understand that this played well into the “Don’t like gay marriage? Don’t get one” stance. However, I agree with the African-American mother when she said that she realized that her thoughts and fears about her daughter’s sexuality centered mainly around her having sex.* Her daughter is still her daughter, no matter to whom she is attracted, and she needed to remember that. This is an important thing to remember for every “Otherism,” including the otherism the movie displayed against their icon for “Christians who stand against ‘gay rights.’” We all struggle with our own burdens and understandings of our world. I don’t subscribe to the idea that the world is void of a Universal Truth, but I recognize that we’re all searching for it, even if that is subconsciously.

*This link will bring you to the part of the movie I mentioned above. Note: I don't 100% agree with her approach, but she made a good point that can help those of us who forget to Love all people.

Small-v vocation

Sticks and stones? Sometimes kids can hurt your feelings.

Yesterday was my first time in my observation placement for this semester (the one with third graders vs the one with 4th and 5th graders) and it was INSPIRING. These kids were amazing and their teacher made it look so easy. She must have set up some serious classroom management practices in the beginning of the year because they were respectful little angels. I took copious notes.

In September, I started teaching a class of third graders at the church nearby my university. This is my first year of grad school as I work toward my elementary education masters and I wanted some extra in-class experience. Plus, I loved the 1st graders I helped teach a couple years ago and I was ready for that rush again.

Really?

I've thought of many reasons why this year's CCD class has been so challenging (I wasn't there for the first class, so I couldn't set up a classroom management system; they only see us for one hour a week, so why would they listen to us? And they have the. most. boring activity books), but on Sunday I realized I need to just start the journey from wherever my feet are right now. Every Sunday feels like a struggle for power with these kids and it weighed on me.

This weekend I faced one of my biggest fears: a little kid said something negative about me to my face. Ouch. Way to challenge my faith in myself, kid. Needless to say, I spent some time in the dumps over it.

Yesterday I felt more comfortable with the kids in the class I visited than I do with my CCD class. It could be due to knowing I had a fresh start or because the teacher had such a great classroom environment already set up. However, I think it was mostly due to my own relief.

There. I'm relieved I finally had a bad moment as a teacher. I was worried that would happen and now that it has, I can move on and improve myself. Phewwww.

What I Wore on Sunday, 15

Ask my family: I'm not a daring fashionista. I have to make a conscious effort to put on a colorful blouse instead of the t-shirt I wore to bed.

Today, I decided to take it up a notch. It's my first "What I Wore on Sunday" post in celebration of my first time back with my CCD class since December! By the way... I'm teaching a third grade CCD class here at school. Time flies and we're already halfway through the year!

• Blue bubble dress: London Times, but I got it at the Goodwill for $11
• Purple cardigan: Merona (Target) - One of my favorites!
• Black cami under the dress to keep things classy
• Black tights to keep things from freezing my legs off
• Purple suede shoes because I'm feeling sassy today
• Long string of pearls wrapped around three times: a birthday present from my late Gramma. The last time I wore these to class, one of the third graders said she liked it. It's going for a round two compliment.

Go visit Fine Linen and Purple for more!

Dear college students, Quick Takes 2

*1*

Wow, a whole year has gone by since my last "Dear College Students" advice spew-age and this time I have some new on-campus experience to back me up! This week was my first week of classes in three and a half years and I'm loving it all over again! It has prompted a whole new list of advice (it's a compulsion), so for those college students out there, this one is for you:

Phones - Oh my gosh. When I was in college, smartphones were extremely rare and very expensive. Few people had them. Yes, there would be a lot of texting and talking going on during the daily class commute, but good grief, nothing like I'm seeing on my campus now. PLEASE, just put your phone away. You will never have the opportunity to see as many people your age on a daily basis as you do in college and you're spoiling it for yourself by permanently positioning your head downward, flicking through Facebook, Words with Friends, and the weather (or whatever y'all are doing on there).

Headphones - I repeat: You will never have the opportunity to see as many people your age on a daily basis as you do in college. You can listen to music when you're doing your homework or when you're by yourself. Can't you just pay attention to the people around you during your walk? I understand some people are anxious and need to calm down with some tunes, but I suggest you'd be less anxious if you gave your mind some quiet time and absorbed your surroundings.

*2*

Smile - This is in-line with the prior nuggets of advice. Once you have mastered storing your phone and your iPod in your bag, notice how many people you're passing along the way. This is not high school anymore. It's OKAY to be friendly and to make people around you feel good and welcome! Smile at the passersby, say hello, wish someone a good morning, all because you CAN. I can't stress this enough: the real world doesn't often bring you into contact with as many strangers as you see in college. Revel in it!

*3*

Date dorks - I don't mean the term "dork" as an insult. It's quite the opposite! I love "dorks" and they are SO much more worthy of your time than the other (two word) phrase that begins with a D and ends with a G. In the last week, I have passed by so many potential two-words (yes, I judged them) and overheard some tales of their conquests. I've also passed by many "dorks" and I am here to tell you THOSE are the guys you want. THOSE are the ones who will respect you and be there for you (generally). Give THOSE guys a chance.

*4*

Trends - Feel free to ignore this one, as I am just about the least fashionable person on my current campus. I suggest not spending at ton of money on fashion trends. If it makes you feel better to be hip-shooby-do-hip-flip-city, by all means, spend $100 on a nice day dress you'll wear 3 times. Otherwise: no one cares if you're wearing something that is 'so last season,' at least not those who value who you really are. Treat yourself, sure! But don't go broke in the process.

*5*

Take the stairs - Plan ahead and make it a habit to take the stairs. I have walked about 20 miles in the last week, no joke. Ask me how much I walked on a weekly average during the last three years in the work force. The answer is closer to 20 meters. Enjoy this time in your life where you use your body as more than a mode of transport for your brain from the desk to the water cooler. If you make it a habit to take the stairs and walk when you can now, perhaps you'll hang onto that when you go into the workforce. 

Side note: when college students go into the workforce, they typically start gaining a few pounds, likely because they transition from walking everywhere to sitting at a desk 8 hours a day. Think ahead.

*6*

Just do it - My parents were extremely gracious to pay for my undergraduate education. I never realized the value of it, but I have a better grasp on that now. It's worth about $100 an hour in the classroom, everyday for a whole semester. Now that I'm paying for my own degree, you better believe I'm going to class with walking pneumonia. Snooze button? You're joking me. I call that the weakness button. The button for those who don't mind flushing their money and time down the toilet.

Just do your work. You have a spare hour, reread your notes. It's a rainy Saturday night and you're too tired to go out, get ahead on your paper due in two weeks. You have an awkward hour and thirty minutes between classes, spend your time looking over the syllabus and planning out when you're going to do which assignments on what day. Just do it. That's your job. It's a sign of true gratitude to your parents, if you're fortunate enough to have parents who are paying your tuition, and it's a sign of non-stupidity, if you're like me and saved up for three years just to empty your bank account for your education.

*7*

Get involved - Let me let you in on a little secret: you're not that busy.

How many hours per day are you in class? Three hours one day? Six hours on a really bad day? Ask your dad how many hours he's working his day job. Then ask him how many hours he "works" as a dad, taking care of your family. Then ask him what weekend activities he's involved in. Finally, ask him what he does in his spare time.

The majority of your time is spare time, I'm sorry to say. I know you're spending a lot of time walking, in class, studying, and fostering relationships. That's beautiful! That's what you're supposed to be doing at your age and stage of life! But don't stop there! Get involved with a club or three. Go to campus events. Meet the people in your class and ask them to join you for coffee. SPEND your time rather than letting it go by unaccounted for.

I want to offer a big plug for getting involved in your Catholic campus ministry club. Yes, it will be awkward to introduce yourself to new people and you may be intimidated by people who seem holier for you, but it's like choosing the stairs over the elevator: healthy choices beget healthy souls.

This is the time you've been waiting for and it's the first step toward a great new world! Make these habits now!

A favor from YOU, please!

Hello friends! May I beg you for a favor?
A few months ago, I quietly shared that I am going back to school for a masters in elementary education. Woooohoooo!! 
So now for the favor. There is a (funny, but awesome) scholarship out there linked to how POPULAR I am and how COOL my friends are (that's you!). The more clicks, the higher my chances of getting the scholarship and the higher the chances of me sneaking Christian messages into public classrooms. 
Yes, I will have a crucifix and prayer cards on my desk. If they let me.
Please click here and then click "sponsor me" to help me become a grade school teacher! Just by clicking on "sponsor me" you essentially vote for me to get this scholarship. That's all! I appreciate your click!

I also appreciate you pinning this (click to pin), tweeting (click to tweet), Facebook posting, emailing, or ANYTHING you feel willing to do. Again, this costs NOTHING for you or your friends. It's just about clicks!

God bless you!

UPDATE:

For more scholarships: I highly recommend Fastweb to anyone who is even *considering* going to school to register and check it out.

Follow the Breadcrumbs to the Exciting News

Click to visit Conversion Diary.

*1*

I'm going to give you some clues for the exciting news I introduced a little while ago.

This is the Internet, of course you can just scroll down to the bottom to see the surprise, but what's the fun in that? Pretend you just received this in a ridiculously long chain email that tells you to avoid scrolling down to the bottom for risk of erasing your happy destiny.

I'll alternate between clues and non-clues.

*2*

Non-related, non-clue:

A friend posted this great collection of 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy. Among the are some of my worst vices, including: Give up your need to always be right, give up your need for control, give up your self-defeating self-talk, give up the luxury of criticism, and give up living your life to other people’s expectations.

Okay, now to implement...

*3*

Clue:

*4*

Non-related, non-clue:

Andrew and Cristina may be my favorite heroes-whom-I've-never-met. They allow the Holy Spirit to RADIATE from them, and all I have to judge that is their blog and a few emails we have exchanged. It is just so clear that God has placed them on an incredible path and they are so willing to let Him guide them through it.

They need our help! Read about it here. All it takes is a few clicks of your mouse and a vote.

Considering they're spending a lot more money than the young couple expected to spend in their first year of marriage due to an intense surgery to correct their in utero daughter's spina bifida, they could also use your donations. If you are able to donate and/or you feel called to donate, please visit here.

*5*

Clue:

I love First Graders.

Can you guess?

*6*

Non-related, non-clue:

The Bikini or Biki-no discussion is heating up. I'm hoping to read a full post or two from the folks who take a more pro-bikini (more accurately, but less succinctly described as "not against bikinis/raising the issue that the modesty talks don't seem to apply to men/to each her own") folks. If you haven't read the contributions thus far, here's your chance to catch up:


Bikini or Biki-no? Part 1 - The intro. Here you learn how the whole discussion began and we get @Palaminko's voice on why he would request (if he could) that women avoid wearing bikinis.




Bikini or Biki-no? Part 2 - Chase chimes in and points out protecting the feminine genius doesn't mean dressing like a nun.




Bikini or Biki-no? Part 3 - I take a whack at it. My opinion shifts often on this topic. Here I take a look at why the bikini option seem so appealing, yet why that also shows me why I should probably avoid them.




Bikini or Biki-no? Part 4 - A Father and Husband's POV - Val wrote an email to me (just as you are welcome to do) and explained his aversion to bikinis on the women in his life, namely his wife and daughters. As my dad said, "He makes good points!"

So far, the non-bikini-wearers have the loudest voice, measured by number of people commenting for this "camp" of opinions. I would really love to hear from someone who sees a lot of good in bikinis or would like to explain, in a post, why bikinis are a good option.

This has been a great discussion thus far. If you're game, I'd like to continue it.

*7*

Did you guess?

Will they have nap time in grad school? You know. For practice.

Drum roll...I'm going to grad school! I got accepted into a masters program for elementary education!

In about a year and a half I will be certified to teach elementary schoolers! (note, schooler is not a real word. I suppose I'll have to stop being so colloquial so I can put sum guud learnin' on da kids)

I'm so grateful to my family, my wonderful boyfriend, my elementary school teachers, the first graders I taught last year, and GOD for helping me discover this calling! I can't wait to begin this journey!