Dating with an Audience

Imagine you’re sitting next to the man or woman who makes your heart audible through your shirt. This person sits with hands in lap, playing hopscotch with his or her gaze, directing and redirecting them from the floor to your eyes.

You speak in nervous, hushed tones, asking one another about your days and about church on Sunday. The way this person speaks with one side of the mouth, unknowingly giggles, or swallows the letter “L” are some of the favorite discoveries you’ve found in these last few meetings.

Casa Batlló - Love seat for two, opposite this chaperone spot

This could be it. The woman in the linen dress, with dark silk hair to her shoulders might one day be your wife. The gallant man who wrings his strong hands, but looks at you with his hazel eyes could one day be your husband.

You’re breathing in steam and the excitement builds as you reach for the hands you’ve been staring at for twenty minutes.

A dry cough erupts with intention from the far corner.

A young man’s dating style has morphed into the pattern of liking a girl, being attracted to her, asking her out (though, I think a lot of young ladies would beg to differ on this point), and taking her out somewhere — typically out of parental glancing range.

Chaperones? The idea has become laughable in our affluent society, especially when a teenager passes a driver’s test.

Teens feel entitled to this alone time and it sure feels like they’re right when one of the two American teens is probably lucky enough to have use of a car.

Who could blame them? They can have a private conversation and be goofy without extra ears around. Sitting alone at a restaurant (or in a basement) fosters an environment for flirting, inside jokes, and ample time looking at all of the loveliness of your date.

Oh and then there’s smooching. That too.

Read more...

She reigns

Feminine Genius: The Interior

"Made in the Image of God?" by Julie at The Corner with a View
"Peace Within" Trista at Not a Minx, a Moron, or a Parasite

"She reigns" by Elizabeth at Startling the Day

The "Bright Maidens" were originally three from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. Now, we all take up the cross to dispel the myths and misconceptions. Welcome!

The original Bright Maidens chose this topic to follow last month's topic (Feminine Genius: The Dress) because of the unexpected blow-up in [uncharitable] comments on Julie's blog post. We happen to think some of those who commented were misunderstanding her post's objective, but in an effort to "listen first to understand, then to be understood," we want to explain our full understanding of the Feminine Genius.

"You ain't all that, honey, and all the dresses in the world aren't going to fix what's wrong with you." 

-Anonymous Commenter 2

I still laugh when I reread the comments on Julie's last Bright Maidens post. This offending concluding sentence came at the end of a ramble about good tailoring, an insult to Julie's friend's wardrobe choice, and more random explanations about what makes a woman look her best.

Our Patron

The consensus is this commenter was a female. Comments like the above quote prove that she missed the boat on how to make a woman appear in the best light, ie, not eternally insulting and provocative.

We're all called to serve in Christ's mission. Our mission is to serve for His mission.

Some have God-given musical talents or use humor to serve Him, while others must assume a role through sportsmanship or writing. We use what He gave us, including the gifts of our femininity and masculinity, depending on our sex. The roles of men and women are simply different, not one better or worse than the other.

One major hang up for non-Catholic onlookers (and for some within the Church), is the concept of the woman in the body of the Church. I've heard the lament many times that the Church doesn't treat women well, the stand out reasoning stemming from the ordination of male-only priests.

Have they forgotten our reverence for the Holy Mother of God? Have they forgotten that we refer to the Church as a female body?

Christ died for the Church, just as men "die" (either literally or figuratively) for those they are called to protect. This doesn't mean a man is greater just because he is the same sex as Jesus. It means we have different roles with different service opportunities.

As Bl. John Paul II once wrote, God entrusts people to each and every other person. However, the woman is entrusted with the ability to bear human beings "precisely by reason of their femininity" in a special way.

He went on to explain that the "feminine genius" is the effect of the strength drawn from this awareness and this entrusting. It has been this way since the beginning of time, throughout the Old Testament, especially during the Annunciation, and continues today.

"A woman is strong because of her awareness of this entrusting, strong because of the fact that God 'entrusts the human being to her', always and in every way, even in the situations of social discrimination in which she may find herself. This awareness and this fundamental vocation speak to women of the dignity which they receive from God himself, and this makes them 'strong' and strengthens their vocation." -Bl. John Paul II, "On the Dignity and Vocation of Women on the Occasion of the Marian Year"

The genius of femininity does not take away from the masculine genius anymore than the masculine genius strips power from the feminine genius. The two work in tandem, ideally filling the roles we human beings can possibly fill on Earth. The power is God's.

Let's look at the feminine genius of three very different women in my life: My mother, my confirmation sponsor, and my cousin.

For more by Elaine Golden, visit her site!

My mother utilized the gift of her fertility to bring three daughters into the world, furthering her own genius as well as bringing more of it to light! She constantly serves us, especially in her sacrifice with her job, which she has held for more than twenty years.

Her avocation was to provide for her family and she sacrificed some of her career happiness for us in that regard. On top of that, she offers each of us tailored emotional support and counsel.

My confirmation sponsor has been a family friend and true role model for me all of my life. My sisters and I are her spiritually adopted children, whom she serves with deep love and devotion, for whatever purpose we may need.

This woman is the one who cleans up the table when she's a guest at your house, but will wrestle you to the ground to prevent you from doing the same at her house. She is a humble servant of God through the sacrifices she makes for others.

My cousin is only a few weeks younger than me and, likewise, is unmarried. When my grandmother died in April, she was at the starting gate with a tray of sandwich meats in one hand and a hug waiting on the other arm.

She didn't share blood with my grandmother, but she had grown up with her always present at family events. Her selflessness, helpfulness, sacrifice, and servitude for us during that grieving period was poignantly impressive and a true show of her love for God through us.

As I mentioned in my "Month of the Dress" post, it doesn't matter how feminine we look, whether or not we have borne children, or how good we look doing it. Our "dress" is our service.

It's the consolation of a friend in a time when words won't do the trick. It's the casserole we made when our co-worker loses a family member. It's the laughter we share in with those we love.

It's the glance we posses as we look at the man we love in a way that communicates to him how important he is to our life. It's the softness of our skin when we sit in a nursing home, 40 years beyond the hustle of motherhood.

Through Mary's example, let us pray that we women gain the strength to recognize that which God has entrusted in us.

"For her, 'to reign' is to serve! Her service is 'to reign'!" - Bl. John Paul II about Our Mother Mary in Letter of Pope John Paul II to Women.

Stay-cation World Youth Day

Yesterday I published on VirtuousPla.net about how to enjoy World Youth Day from the comfort of your normal national borders. Some of us were unable to venture to Madrid for World Youth Day this year, but we still get to celebrate in the New Evangelization:

“Planted and built up in Jesus Christ, firm in the faith” (cf. Col 2:7)

Happy World Youth Day! Jesus Christ is risen and He asks us to share His message of Love with everyone we can.

Right now, more than a million people (youth in age and at heart) have descended on the Spanish city of Madrid in various assorted Catholic t-shirts, carrying countless rosaries, and meeting new people who join in the Hail Mary with funny accents.

This is me, avoiding jealousy.

VirtuousPla.net’s very own Trista, Fabi, and Marc are over in Madrid celebrating World Youth Day among the funny accents and I’m sure you wait in anticipation for their stories! While we sit here in America, let us not twiddle our thumbs. Let’s have a stay-cation World Youth Day!"

Read more...

The Anti-Lazy Song -- 7QT, Volume 39

Click here to read the original post at ConversionDiary.com

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Last week was the first time I've missed a 7 Quick Takes Friday since I started them way back in October 2010. I'm shamed.

I'll make up for it.

If it helps, someone arrived on my blog this week by searching "duggar girls wearing pants." Sorry people, not going to happen.

*2*

To start things off with a bang, allow me to introduce you to a beautiful young lady who is discerning God's path for her life. When I say young, I mean YOUNG. This chickadee is in high school and has aspirations of joining a Carmelite order, God-willing, as she said.

The Sorting Hat for vocations.

Her blog is called "Pilgrim's Paean" and I encourage you to be refreshed by her humble but exuberant gifts of service.

*3*

I'm sorry to spoil the refreshment so soon, but I have to bring your attention to Gen Y's new anthem.

"What's up?" "Not much, just hanging" *CORNY*

Bruno Mars "Lazy Song" is a caricature of the young people this day.

I should offer you a Werther's caramel now, right?

My jaw dropped and I almost choked on a fly when I heard this song the other day.

Make fun of being an old man and then read the lyrics. I can picture several teens randomly consulting the almighty Google and searching "i don't feel like doing anything today."

They search for answers and if they haven't already heard the song, now they have a laziness anthem, and it "feels" fine. And we all know, if it "feels" fine, it is fine.

*4*

On my Judgment's Shadow post from April, Cassi at "From a Catholic Daughter," stopped by to articulate perfectly the concept of "judgement." It's a tough subject that divides us all, philosophically, but I think she hit the nail on the head:

"Can't believe I missed this one when you wrote it! What I've been taught is that you can judge a persons actions and a persons words just not the person. It's kindof like how if a child in school was cursing all over the place you would have to send them to the principals office. You've judged what they've said and deemed it inappropriate for the classroom.

The same would go if they were fighting physically with another student, you'd judge their actions and deem them inappropriate for the classroom. This doesn't mean that you hate that child and have judged them to be a horrible person. They are a child of God, but we are called to hold people accountable and to a higher standard."

*5*

The Harry Potter craze seemed to die down a little around here, maybe that's just because my sisters and I quenched our Hogwarts thirst on the final movie's opening night. Get ready for a revival because we have our own "moving pictures," now!

I do not own the rights. But now I'm craving cake.

If you're wondering if I've forgotten about YouTube, let me introduce you to cinemagraphs. I hope the one I embed here works, if not, check it out in this link.

*6*

My high school alma mater is hosting an alumnae art show... eek! I have to show people some of the art I have created since graduating. This is something with which I struggle. I'd love to say I want real criticism about the quality of my work (even though I really think I'm below average, talent-wise), but I don't think I could take it if someone ripped me a new one.

Conundrum. I suppose getting my work out there will kick start my new mission to enrich the artistic side of my life!

In addition to some of the works I had in my art show in 2008, I might submit this one. I made it when I was 20-years-old and it's supposed to represent the moment of transubstantiation...

Or the way I painted it:

*7*

The Bright Maidens and the Pope were in cahoots this week to bring to you a summer reading list! Okay, no one confirmed our topic with Pope Benedict XVI, but he just happened to provide us with his summer reading list in the exact same week as the Bright Maidens. Coincidence?

Check out the lists on our Facebook page! If you don't "LIKE US" yet, tell me what you think of the new splash page I created. Then go ahead and "LIKE" us. Thank you!

I'm announcing our next topic a little early so you can get prepared. On August 16 we will follow our first in a series on the "Feminine Genius." This topic is entitled, "Feminine Genius: The Dress."

In the spirit of experimentation, I've been wearing a dress or skirt at every opportunity for about two weeks. By the time August 16 rolls around there will be about 30 days worth of dresses, skirts, and no-pants behind me. If you want to do something similar and write about a "pants fast," get started today.

If you're a man, please don't try this at home. Stay masculine and skirt-free, the way we like you.

As always, the topic is up to your interpretation, so do with "The Dress" what you will!

Review: How to Find Your Soulmate

Abstinence, not having sex, has been important to me since childhood. My mom plopped my sisters and me in front of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers and pointed out how "the boys sleep in the barn and the girls sleep in the house because boys and girls sleep separately until they're married" at my tender age of three. Boys sleep in the barn, check!

Only in the last year have I realized "abstinence" is not enough. Chastity and the deep love of self that comes from understanding it have been absent from my radar.

The Everts' book, How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul, fills the void often left open by the traditional "abstinence" teaching. The book is for women of all stages of life and I hereby recommend it to all women.

Check the records, Totus Tuus Press, I was one of the first 100 people to order this book on its debut day. Jason and Crystalina joined Brian Butler to write the Theology of the Body for Teens textbook we use for class, so I continued to refresh the page until the "Add to Cart" icon appeared.

When the beautiful book arrived, I dived in and hardly came up for air. The Everts broke up five years of first hand female accounts, advice, and reasoning into twenty-one short chapters outlining the importance of chastity.

Chastity: this is not your mother's "abstinence" talk. This book peels away the layers of justification, insecurities, excuses, and settling that all women use and face. The Everts compiled a book that walks through the mindset of a woman, trekking through her darkest thoughts on the subjects of romantic love and self-love.

Right off the bat, reading the title of the first chapter, "Missionary Dating," made it clear this was not going to be a softball read.

The chapter followed the air of the Bright Maidens' posts about dating, picking out and detailing ten "types" of guys to avoid dating. Among the no-nos were "The Control Freak," "The Smooth Criminal," and "The Fixer-Upper/Problem Child."

It's so easy to let the camouflage cover those red flags when we get attention we've been craving from a guy. This list helps us see A) if we might be settling and B) why it's not worth it to eat from the dumpster instead of waiting for the banquet.

Jason actually uses this dumpster metaphor in a more elaborate description of how this world convinces us to "just do it" and dive in now without consideration for our decisions' consequences. Later chapters like "Grow a Backbone," "Hang Up on Hookups" and "Wear Something Revealing -- Be Modest," weave this concept into the importance of valuing oneself.

Women are not often convinced of their value, at least not until they change X, Y, and Z.

Mirror, mirror on the wall

• "Once I'm thinner, it will be easier to be comfortable around people." 
• "When I clear up my skin, I won't be as embarrassed to draw attention to myself." 
• "If I could just be a better singer, I know guys would like me."

The Everts spend the entire book attempting to realign the damage done by these mindsets. Each chapter builds upon the other, teaching lessons of love, value, and constructing a relationship with God.

All the junk filling our minds separates us from the One who created us. Raking out the junk isn't going to happen in the time it takes to read 300 pages, but reading the tough questions and hard pressing examinations in those pages aims to make us ask: Am I getting all that I can out of my life? Am I free?

Jason and Crystalina gave women the authentic version of Feminine Mystique we've been missing. Near the end of the book, they quote Dawn Eden, author of The Thrill of the Chaste and a woman I had the distinct pleasure of meeting. She wrote:

"A woman with the courage to step out into the unknown, risking temporary loneliness for a shot at lasting joy, is more than a "single." She's singular. Instead of defining herself by what she lacks--a relationship with a man--she defines herself by what she has: a relationship with God." (Eden, 22)

"Abstinence" really means nothing if we don't balance our choices with reasoning. It is too easy to fall when we're standing on a pile of sand. Choose to stand on a rock.

As the Venerable John Paul II once said to an audience of students at Eurasia University in 2001, "Be courageous, fear nothing, and you will not be disappointed."

Consider buying a box of 44 books. Don't faint, the publishers are selling this book individually for about $25 or by the case of paperbacks for $2 per book. The $88 box of books could be a fabulous evangelism tool for any girls, young ladies, or women in your life. I know I will find more than 44 girls who need to learn to love themselves, some for the first time.

Theology of the Body, Week 6

(I don't own the rights)

What is this guy saying?

He isn't saying anything at all. His body is telling you something without words. Because our bodies can "say" things, then they can tell the truth or they can lie.

This week's class was meant to be split up: girls in one room, boys in the other. Just like the third grade cafeteria at lunch time and the sixth grade cotillion ballroom, this was one of those topics with cooties.

For example, teenage boys are unacquainted with the idea of a "frienemy" and when we mentioned this concept to the girls, they all nodded, smiled and giggled a little. They know what a frienemy is and they know their tactics: at all costs, appear to be a friend, while still gossiping, disliking, or otherwise hurting the victim "friend."

This was one of the most on-the-ground topics that the teens could use in daily life, especially in a world that is growing apart from accepting or expecting consequences.

One example the teens heard was that of a criminal. A criminal caught red-handed cannot throw up his arms and say, "Hey, officer, I didn't do it. My body did it." We are not separate from our bodies, we send messages through them every moment of everyday.

Because you can't get more naked than naked with another person, the act of intercourse is your body saying, "I give you all that I have and all that I am." Your body can lie in this case if you allow it to say someone who you are not giving all that you are.

Revisit this post about JP2's play

We didn't discuss it very much, to my disappointment, but the use of artificial contraception is a huge lie we can tell with our bodies (perfect timing for the Bright Maidens topic this week). You're asking your body to lie for you when you make it say, "I give you all that I have and all that I am, but let me put on a condom, first."

We withhold our fertility when we use artificial contraception, meaning we're not giving everything we have. We withhold our commitment when we make love to someone who isn't our spouse.

We lie to ourselves and hurt our own idea of intimacy when we masturbate. Pornography lies to us and we lie to ourselves when we have "intimate moments with a laptop," as Jason Evert says. We lie with our body when we lie with a different person every week.

The goal of this week's lesson is to introduce these teens to the idea of preparing for their future spouse by thinking about this now. If they can commit to loving he or she to whom they will eventually give themselves, they are contributing to the health and strength of their marriage.

In other words: don't be your own "frienemy."

“Man is precisely a person because he is master of himself and has self-control. Indeed, insofar as he is master of himself he can give himself to the other. This dimension – the dimension of the liberty of the gift – becomes essential and decisive for that language of the body, in which man and woman reciprocally express themselves in the conjugal union.” John Paul II (TOB, Aug. 22, 1984).

7 Quick Takes Friday, Volume 18

Click here to read the original post at ConversionDiary.com

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You have something to look forward to.

Not only will you get the annual meditations and beautiful traditions and scriptures of Lent, but you will also see a new series with Julie and Trista.  

What does it mean to be a woman in the Church? 

Keep an eye out on Fat Tuesday. 

*2*

Many of you are joining me from Conversion Diary (Hello to those who are new!), so it's likely you're Catholic, blogging, and ready to mingle in this cyber-Community we are developing!

The Venerable John Paul II pointed out the need for the New Evangelism and social media is a spectacular, effective, and cheap way to be a part of this movement. A new resource has popped up to help you make the most of the new media and your Catholic (or non-Catholic Christian) faith. Drum roll please...

(I don't own the rights)

New Media Catholic!

and on Facebook

and on Twitter as @NewMediaCathlic

Give it a look-see.

*3*

If you noticed... good job!

If not, let me point your attention to... exactly where you're looking. I changed the design of my blog because, apparently, a dark background is a turn-off for blog readers. I think it's cool, but I'm bending to the will of the people. I'd love some feedback!

I also bought and redirected this to my own domain. Soon I will have a less "Blogger" layout... if only I could physically paint or draw these designs. I'm not very handy with the digital art.

*4*

You may find this hard to believe (you shouldn't), but I only miss the dorky stuff about college:

(I don't own the rights)

*I have yet to meet another person who enjoys finals week (um, excuse me. At what other point in your life will you have ONE purpose: surviving while studying? College kids complain, but their lives are easy). 

*Academic writing. I had the formula down pat and I liked trying to create a new thesis statement. 

*The enclosing feeling of standing between two library shelves, the books on which haven't budged in 5 years.

However, I do miss looking forward to spring break.

*5*

My skin smells like chlorine and it might as well be crack-cocaine.

After a 3 month hiatus from the pool, I swam this week. It wasn't a long swim, but it was beautiful and helped me clear my head. As I've mentioned before, my natural state is in the water. I need to avoid forgetting that again.

When I got home, I went through my old photos of when I swam in the Beijing Olympics. I hope you enjoy them:

Overlooking my turf.

Getting mentally prepared.

You have to relax sometimes when you're kicking butt.

Ahh what a satisfying world championship.

*6*

You may have seen this post about my weekend with teens preparing for Confirmation. I'm curious about what YOU were thinking on the retreat prior to your own Confirmation. If you went on a Confirmation retreat, tell me about your experience!

*7*

This little boy was born in LA, adopted by Filipinos, and grew up in the Philippines.








It goes to show you that color ain't no thang.

Theology of the Body, Week 5

Truth and freedom: this is the chapter I should turn to every time someone says, "You teach Theology of the What? Isn't that just a bunch of rules? Wouldn't you rather be free?"

I'm often tempted to write these TOB posts from a slightly secular perspective so as not to turn off any non-theist readers. If you will just bear with me, push through the little cartoon flags labeled "annoying" that pop up, it will be five to ten minutes of your life. The words won't bite.

We often confuse independence with freedom. We were created for freedom, true freedom that we get to choose because of the gift of free will. "It is for FREEDOM that Christ set you free." Galatians 5:1

Rules

Does freedom mean no rules? Are we free if we throw off every rule we can recall, ignore any guilt that creeps in (because it is just a result of a conservative society anyway, right?), ignore how often we lie to keep up the lifestyle we want to live, and call ourselves "liberated?"

If you believe in God or if you do not, I guarantee those guilt pangs crop up occasionally, faint as they may be. Maybe it happens when you change the bedsheets, maybe when you realize you saw that rushed trip to the store for condoms as an "emergency," or maybe it's when you finally have to sleep alone one night after several nights with your significant other or several insignificant others.

"Freedom is not the ability to do anything we want. Rather, freedom is the ability to live responsibly the truth of our relationships with God and with others." - JP2

I often hear the argument, "Wow, that's great. You're waiting for marriage, I admire that. I just don't believe it's right for me." Right for you versus right for me?

Okay, so if I walk up to you and slap you in the face for no reason and say, "It felt right to me," how does that argument hold up? If I hired a guy to come into your house while you're sitting at the breakfast table with a bowl of Frosted Flakes to tie you up and steal your flatscreen... it felt right to me, so you shouldn't have a problem with it. How is that argument sounding right now?

Objective truth exists. Sometimes it feels inconvenient to us, so we "change the rules" or throw them off all together.

In a speech he gave to college men, the Venerable John Paul II said:

"I feel that I must make God's Truth and will fit into my perspective, and my concern is whether or not they are convenient for me. If it is convenient or helpful to me, well and good, but if not, I refuse it and leave. There is the temptation to place myself above Christ, especially when he asks something of me. Maybe this temptation to follow our own inclinations and wishes to place ourselves beyond Christ is found particularly in the field of sexual morality because it is here that Christ makes demands on men."

It is so true that our society more often applies relative moralism to sexual topics than to anything like racism, murder, theft, etc. It extends to abortion, which abortion supporters say is not murder, perhaps because the baby in question is a result of a sexual act.

Deep in our hearts, there is a standard that sends out red flags and guilt. We try to ignore it because we worry following it is going to confine us or make us un-free.

The way to freedom is by desiring to do what is good. Your actions must line up with what is true in your heart. Your hearts must desire the good so the rest of our lives can be about doing what is good.

If freedom comes from desiring what is good and choosing it, happiness comes from those who do not need "the rules." Choose God above all else and your actions will lead you to happiness and freedom.

There is a reason you feel good after you help someone. When you use your free will to do what is good, you have tasted freedom. Attempt to release the internal constraints (selfishness, lust, pride, etc) that keep you from doing what is good. Train yourself in freedom.

Passions

Either you will control your passions or your passions will control you. Many of you may have heard the song that came out before I even knew what sex was, "Bad Touch" by Bloodhound Gang:

"You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals / So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel."

Uh, do I have to comment on that?

If you're upset while reading this post, if you're thinking "but it would be so hard not to have sex so that can't be right," if you're wondering why someone like me who is sitting on her high horse thinks they can tell you that you're stuffing down the guilt... ask yourself why it's upsetting you. Why does it bother you to read this post?

Is sacrifice worth it if freedom is the goal? Any fear we feel when thinking about controlling our passions may be a sign that our hearts are seeking true freedom.

Theology of the Body, Week 4

This week was the big event! The TOB for Teens class is usually rather small: four teachers and a handful of teens: between two and five... young ladies. We have yet to be graced with the presence of a brave young man.

However, this week we took the show on the road and taught the lesson to a camp mess hall room filled with 99 confirmation candidates!

Several of them wanted to be there, several were forced to be there, and others would have run the marathon distance back to civilization if their video game habits hadn't condemned them to remaining seated. One was wearing a Hooters shirt.

No matter how they got there, they all heard my fellow TOB teachers and me talk about the hope and redemption found in Jesus.

Jason Evert came up with an analogy to show a young woman, who felt used and irrevocably unclean, that she was worth the redemption that Jesus offers.

This girl, as Evert explained, had just divulged her past choices and mistakes. She had let men use her and treat her as if she wasn't worth anything. The girl asked him how she was supposed to expect Jesus to offer forgiveness. He held up a $20 bill.

"Do you want this $20?"

"Uh, yes!"

(I don't own the rights) And yes, I know it's a Benjamin.

"What if I crumble it up like this? See, it's a $20 paper ball. Do you want it?"


"Uh, yes! It's worth $20."

"What if I throw it in the dirt and grind it into the ground with my shoe? Do you want it now?"

"Yes, of course I do! It's still worth $20. You just have to straighten it out and it's good as new."


Exactly. Not only will Jesus take you as you are, all crumbled and ground in dirt, but He will straighten and iron you out until you're better than your first day.

It's a pretty simple message: we've all made mistakes. We've burned little scars and cut little holes in our hearts with each sin, especially those of a sexual nature.

As we reviewed in past classes, our bodies and our souls help make up our humanity. A sexual sin involves an intimate part of what God planned for a marital union.

It's tough to heal from the hurt, from the guilt, and from the idea that we should treat our bodies like there's something for which we are waiting.

"Chastity is a difficult, long term matter; one must wait patiently for it to bear fruit..." -Venerable John Paul II

One is waiting for something, even if he or she has already had sex. Even if an unwed someone has had sex and continues to engage in it, there lies the potential future with their spouse and the meaningful, beautiful sexual bond they can share as a married couple.

Those who are virgins or who have made mistakes and are "recycled virgins" are also waiting for the spousal meaning of the body to come to fruition in its grandest scheme. They are preparing for it by practicing chastity while they heal.

I know I'd prefer to be prepared and as healed as possible when the waiting is over.

Foggy goggles

"Become what you are." 

This quote from the Venerable John Paul II packs a punch. It's as simple as it sounds, but then: WAP-O, right in the self-expectation gut.

The new year brings new resolutions: weight loss, a more organized house, patience, loving more, visiting grandparents (highly recommended), or calling parents more often. These great goals contribute to bettering ourselves and to becoming who we are.

I want to dig into "becoming who I am," but I'm letting something get in my way.

A little over-rotation at the age of 7.

Since I was 13, I have defined myself as a swimmer. I still do, though I look nothing like one anymore (queue the female body image pity violin).

Each day I smelled like chlorine and loved it. I used every muscle in my body for an average of 3 to 5 hours per day. My swimming peers and I competed with each other, got into a rhythm together, shared hotel rooms, motivated each other, and empathized with the balance that only athletes in individual sports can understand.

The first time I drove by myself with my valid license was to a 4:50 AM swim practice.

You're a swimmer if you walk around the pool deck half naked as if you're fully clothed. You're a swimmer if you feel more comfortable blowing bubbles face down into water for hours on end than breathing normally in the stands at a football game.

You're a swimmer if you can hold your breath for a minute and a half without panicking. You're also a swimmer if your number one fear is that of drowning because you know just how painful not breathing can be.

I'm in the middle. I miss that feeling.

You're a swimmer if you train 25+ hours per week for 3 months just to spent a few minutes, or seconds, in your own lane to the muffled sound of cheering friends.


The reason I stopped swimming is both uninteresting and irrelevant, but the affect that the void has had is striking. I find I identify myself as a swimmer, though I am too scared to go to Masters practice regularly (Masters swimming is a structured league for adults).

I allowed "swimmer" to define me for too long. I cannot let go of the title entirely because most of my competitive nature and drive are derived from my time in the water and I would still rather smell like chlorine than anything else, but it's time to embrace my real identity in 2011.

I am a daughter in Christ and of our Lord. That's all I need to process.

This year I will be brave and go to more Masters practices. I'll use them as time for meditative prayer. How many decades can I go through in a 600m warm-up?

In my short time on Earth, I've come to too many conclusions about how to live that don't include reflection as a member of God's Church. It's time to strap on my goggles and re-focus.

"Psst, Mary is preggers..."

In anticipation of Christmas, the priest at my church delivered a homily about the pregnant Mother Mary a few weeks ago. He set up a scenario about this young teen, returning from the place where Gabriel announced to her that she would bear the Son of God:

She's in awe. She might not understand how it could be possible, but she recognizes the weight of the blessing in God's choice. This teen also knows that she is just a girl and she doesn't know how to explain it to her parents. There she was, walking along a path she had walked a hundred times before back to her home, but this time she was facing the risk of judgment, charges of adultery, and death.

How would we react if we met the real Mary with the real Jesus in her womb? What kind of judgment would we pass on her in the name of Christianity. "If she was a good person, she wouldn't be pregnant right now."

Obviously, I believe in and love the teachings of JP2's Theology of the Body. I don't think "Oh, it's fine" if someone chooses to have sex before marriage, but it doesn't help anything to treat them badly. Gossiping, trash talking, and passing judgment on pregnant women are not Christian acts, even if one is doing them as acts of standing by values of abstinence.

This is where I struggle with the shows 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom. I don't watch it often, but when I saw it I constantly try to shake my first reaction of: what was going on in their heads?

The more pressing question is: what is going on in the heads of teens who watch the show? I don't have an answer to this question because sometimes the young moms tout an "I wish I'd waited" message and others tout an "I'm old enough to handle this" message.

These girls have to learn a lot of lessons really fast, while surrounded by judgmental looks. A lot of the teen dads on the show leave the picture and start sleeping with other girls. Zero consequences, few lessons learned. Each teen in the show is responsible for the pregnancies, but only the girls carry around the reminder for their schoolmates to see.

What is the difference between women who are 5 months pregnant and not-pregnant men or women who had sex 5 months ago? Evidence. We can see the reason we should be "allowed" to judge.

Mary's parents were disappointed. The most logical reason she would be pregnant was that she had sex with a man. Before the angel came to Joseph in a dream, the only explanation he could entertain was that Mary had sex with another man. The other Nazarenes would jump to that conclusion, as well.

We can never know everything about another person. The simplest strategy should be to love everyone. This kind of love is an action, not a passive emotion.

Don't throw the first stone. Imagine everyone for whom you're aiming is either Mary or Jesus, two innocents who faced judgment and accusations.

Theology of the Body, Week 3

Happy Feast of the Immaculate Conception!

No, the humor is not lost on me. Non-Catholics may say: You taught a group of teens about not having sex on the day you celebrate the holiest sex ever. But Theology of the Body is 100x deeper than "not having sex" and the Immaculate Conception was much more than holy love-making.

It will take the entire TOB series to cover the depth and completeness of the Theology of the Body, so that's why I'm reporting our goings on here!

Nakedness without Shame

In the beginning, when Adam saw Eve, he experienced the most pure form of sexual desire ever felt. They had not eaten of the fruit of knowledge, so they were "naked without shame." If you can imagine this: shame and embarrassment didn't even exist because there was perfect Love. When Adam saw Eve's body (and vice versa), he saw and experienced his call to love her.

The first parents had no need to cover themselves because there was no fear of being seen as an object to be used.

Unlike today. Thank you, Britney Spears.

Pope John Paul II referred to this call to make a gift of themselves to each other the nuptial meaning of the body. In the physical design of their bodies, Adam and Eve saw that their bodies literally fit together and they saw that their Maker had created them for a sacred communion. They were gifts for one another and in being so, they were able to mirror God in a sacred, albeit relatively small, way.

In the second chapter of Genesis, we read:

"Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh...the man and his wife were both naked, and were not ashamed." -Genesis 2:24-5

Marriage brings us as close to the original "nakedness without shame" as we can reach in any other capacity. Sex in the City would have you believe that having sex with as many people as possible removes your shame and makes you more comfortable with your body in that situation. Those ladies certainly act like they have no shame, as our colloquialisms would have us define, but they are corrupting the original purpose for making love.

As the first married people on Earth, Adam and Eve were able to love as God loves:

*Free- God's Love is given freely to us.

*Total- God's Love is complete and He gives all of Himself to us, withholding nothing.

*Faithful- God never abandons us and never stops loving us.

*Fruitful- God's love brings us life. Jesus died for us so that we could have new life. (Theology of the Body for Teens, pg 42)

A friend and co-teacher shared with us this triangle diagram -->

As a man and a woman work toward God, they're also getting closer to each other. If we seek God, we will also grow closer to each other, with the Love that growing close to God fosters. I love this visual because it is a superb reminder.

So, when Adam and Eve first recognized the God in one another, they were already toward the top of the pyramid. Later came the Fall. Adam and Eve allowed the serpent to tempt them into questioning the gift, as Pope John Paul II called it.

To exemplify that "questioning of the gift," we showed this clip (it won't let me embed it) from The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.

We don't have to wait until the next retreat to transcend worldly things and feel God's presence. Every time we review something in TOB or see something in our day that reminds me how great God is through the teachings of TOB, we can feel that overwhelming presence. Praise God!

Three acts, three times, 3x3 sets of tears

My family spent this weekend in Harrisonburg, Virginia realizing that our mid-kid is even more accomplished, talented, mature, and wonderful than we already knew. Christine picked and directed a play by Karol Wojtyla (JP2) at her university, approaching the extremely mature themes of love and matrimony while on a college campus.

She has always been one of my heroes, but in watching her pre-play "do it with me and turn off your cell phones, please" speech, I wept. A flash came to mind of 4-year-old determined Christine swinging her way across the five foot high monkey bars with same "seriously playful" face. Christine stands 5'10'' of elegance, beauty, brains, determination and trust in God.

The play's words were wonderful, of course, and very dense. I saw it three times this weekend, deriving different key points out of each performance. The actors were fabulous, not a lemon amongst them; they were all very talented. The other directors of the play are beautiful, wonderful, and talented ladies. All three (a pattern emerges) directors pieced together a beautiful rendition of JP2's words mixed with pertinent and gorgeous dance sequences, a chorus of speakers behind the audience's view, and powerful lighting. The light became a character. 

As my title suggests, I was a big crybaby throughout all of them. My youngest sister and college freshman, Katie, arranged a ride and surprised Christine with her presence in support of her. Ah family!

I've asked Christine to write a post about her experience or about the play from her perspective... hopefully she'll arrest some time to write it soon.

I'm very proud of her.

"The Jeweler's Shop" By Karol Wojtyla

If that name sounds familiar, you get a gold star on the Catholic chart. That's right, our very own Venerable Holy Father John Paul II was an accomplished playwright before he came to sit at The Holy See!

The Jeweler's Shop: A Meditation on the Sacrament of Matrimony, Passing on Occasion into a Drama, or Przed sklepem jubilera in Polish, is a three-act play to be performed for the first time in years in the United States at James Madison University's new Forbes Center.


* Saturday, November 13, 2010 -- 2:00 pm 

* Sunday, November 14, 2010 -- 2:00 pm & 8:00 pm 

* Monday, November 15, 2010 -- 8:00 pm

* Tuesday, November 16, 2010 -- 8:00 pm

* Wednesday, November 17, 2010 -- 8:00 pm


I am intimately connected to this play because my sister Christine is the director. She and her lovely co-director, also a devout Catholic, have faced more than a dozen major road bumps in the process of bringing this play to JMU. All the hiccups were unrelated, detrimental and would have tempted directors of weaker faith to give up. These two beautiful ladies persevered, with the help of prayer and a mutual faith, and the play hits the stage in 9 days.

If you're within driving distance of Harrisonburg, VA, this play will refresh your views about marriage, as God intended it. The play is $6 per person ("WHAT?! I PAID TWICE THAT BOTH TIMES I SAW INCEPTION!") and need to be purchased in advance. We will be happy to reserve tickets for you, just email me (this is my own jewelry shop's email address, pun intended) with your party number and date.

Christine and Dora will need the consolation and intercession of a few more decades of the Rosary before the stress cloud passes, but they hope you can join them for a night of true passion.