Response to "Meantime"

My lovely cousin wrote to me in response to my post about what to do in the meantime. This is Love. Enjoy:

I've been brainstorming "meantime" things since I first read, so here goes:


1. Distractions - find as many as you can. Fill up your life with things that you love (or at least love to hate) so that your mind is preoccupied. (I imagine there will still be an aching, but, unfortunately, I don't know how to fix that.)
You may think the whole "distractions" idea is childish, and it can be, but if you're anything like me, sometimes too much thinking can be a downward spiral. Distractions prevent that from happening, and they let you learn, try new things, help others, etc. at the same time.
I'm sure you have your own ideas, but just in case you need some inspiration these days, distraction examples may include the following: take an art/music/theatre class, learn a new language, join a social sports league, borrow our kayaks (we just got them and we LOVE them) and go out on the river with Kevin, have a picnic, go wine tasting, apple pick in the fall, go hiking or camping, start a huge home improvement project that requires oodles of research and planning and doing and redoing, learn a new recipe or cooking method, read lots of books (perhaps new genres or a classic you haven't read before) and/or reread some old ones, take up knitting/quilting/cross-stitching, learn calligraphy, find a new volunteer organization and devote lots of time/energy to it, create your own business, take an investment class or read up on a type of investing you want to know more about, plan a surprise for Kevin, plan and take a trip to a far off location you've always wanted to see, make a film, etc.


2. Shiny silver hope coins - take mine! I've got plenty to give :)


3. Keep going to church, praying, and journaling.


4. Nurture your relationship with Kevin. Do fun things together. Hold hands. Stay best friends. Find ways to help him though this journey, and don't be afraid to let him know how he can help you.


5. Keep eating well and exercising. See shiny silver hope coins. If mine happen to work, you want your body and mind to be in the best shape to grow your family. Plus, these are just good things to do anyway.


6. See your doctors as regularly advised and when issues come up. I imagine you and Kevin are doing this already, but I mention it because I have, in my "old" age, started to avoid doctors appointments. Don't be like me!


7. Find a couples or women's only support group. I imagine there are many, and I'm glad to help you find some you might like.


8. Make plans. If your situation or mental/physical health changes, change them. I can sometimes get hung up on the "oh, but what if X happens, and we have to reschedule/cancel? I will feel so [negative emotion] and our [friends, family, acquaintances] will be so [negative emotion]. Let's just say no now so we don't have that awkwardness later." Guess what? Plans change. And those who love you won't be [negative emotion] about it.


I'm not sure if this is what you are/were looking for, and I know some of these are trivial. But, at the very least, now you know that someone who loves you is reading your words and hearing your voice and thinking of you and wanting to help.

Plus One and Single

We're smack dab in the middle of wedding season, so the invitations are pouring into our house. I know those living the temporary vocation of singleness might be facing the plus one question: should I bring someone or celebrate the couple with my groovy self? This is for you ladies and gentlemen who have already decided to use that plus one, gar-gang-it, and you're going to use it right!

I never used my plus one to invite a male to a wedding; I've tussled with guilt over the years for having brought my sister to one wedding and a girl friend to another. The following is what I would have done if I could think of a quality guy with whom I wanted to spend time during one of the most funnorible events: weddings!

Good excuse to share a photo
from my 2013 wedding, yes?
(Photo: Jackie McCool)

All scenarios:

You don't have to know ahead of time if this is THE ONE, you just have to know them. No strangers.

Pick someone you know with whom you could enjoy spending potentially stressful time and who will be a team player that night.  "Can I get you a drink?" "Let's dance!" or "You don't want to dance? That's okay, let's grab some cake and people watch," should plausibly come out of his mouth.

Don't text or email this request. Let's be grown ups (clarified: let's be grown ups from the Greatest Generation, instead of the Generation That Cannot Handle Social Interaction).

Give the guy at least two weeks, but perhaps more, in order to ensure he can be there.

"I want to invite you" and "I would like to invite you" are tempting examples of how syntax and word magic take the pressure off of what you're really doing: inviting them to a wedding. PLEASE COMMENT below because I'd love to hear your thoughts. My armchair opinion is that the asker should just come out and use a more direct version: "Please join me."

You are in the wedding party:

If you have never been a bridesmaid or groomsmen before, know that you will spend little to no time with your date until about two hours into the reception. This person has to be able to fend for themselves or know someone else at the party to hang with until you are free. Chances are, if you're going to find value from this post, it's because you're not sure if you like-like this guy or if you do like-like this guy.

If the guy is your good friend, you won't have much trouble with the wording:

"Bro, I have a plus one for a wedding next month. I know you and I would have fun! Just know that I'm in the wedding party, so I won't be with you until after the first dance."

If the guy is someone you consider a friend, but you are wondering if God might be showing you that outcrop of rock: 

"I'm calling because I am inviting you to join me at my friend's wedding next month. I think we'd have fun!" -pause for normal human conversation effect- "I am a bridesmaid, so I will be with the bridal party for the first half of the wedding. We could get dinner with a few other friends of mine next week, so you can meet cool people to hang out with during the first half."

You are not in the wedding party:

If the guy is your good friend:

"Bro, I have a plus one for a wedding next month. I know you and I would have fun! Two questions: are you available? And chicken or beef?"

If the guy is someone you consider a friend, but you are wondering if God might be showing you that outcrop of rock: 

"Will you join me at my friend's wedding next month? I think we'd have fun!"

It would be a good idea to still grab dinner with a few friends who will be at the party so that this guy isn't walking in blind, but you will know if that feels appropriate.

For these fellas that we're wondering about, I suggest taking several deep breaths before making the ask. Ask the Holy Spirit to let you know how to proceed from there so that you lay the foundation for a fun evening!

Crabsolutely crabulous

*1*

About two weeks ago, my cousin and her boyfriend (call him Xavier) proposed a commission project that helped me touch paint brush to surface for the first time in months (rag to surface "painting" didn't count).

They wanted to get Xavier's friend a unique wedding gift with an inside joke running through it. When they saw this in a store, they had a goal. When my cousin remembered I enjoy getting my hands dirty with paint, they had a plan.

UPDATE: Apparently, according to the groom, this won the "best gift award." Holler city.


*2*

Step by step, let's find out how we went from this:

To Fred, the lucky couple's new home decoration crab mascot.

*3*

First step:

Confidence. I spent the entire week planning out the crabtastic process ahead of me. I let the devil slip in a few times, intimidating me and reminding me that I haven't done anything remotely artistic in several months.

Smite you, Devil! Get the crab out of here! You're not welcome here.

*4*

Second step:

Commandere boyfriend's coffee table and ask him to put on an educational program about Air Force One and Marine One. Then smile (and thank God) when he sits and watches some of it with me because you've found someone who loves these dorky, fascinating, educational specials.

*5*

Pencil it out and just do it. Don't let the devil pinch your confidence again. One bit at a time.

*6*

Name him. He doesn't have eyes yet, but he deserves a name.

Crabs have freckles, right?

Now, words.

*7*

Perfect it and go all OCD on that block of wood. Fred needs you to make him look good.

AH HA! THERE you are, Fred. Welcome to the world. We knew you were there the whole time, didn't we, readers?

Final step:

Hope you can smile because your readers will stick it out through the crab puns and personification of wooden crustaceans. Savvy? 

OMG[osh], What did she say?!

The Bright Maidens are back and this time we're talking about ... SEX. We discuss sex, virginity, recycled virginity, women, the value of sexuality the value of being a child of God and a brother and sister in Christ, and TOB in terms of respecting life and pro-life issues.

I haven't listened to this week's Among Women podcast all the way through yet, so I'm a little nervous about what Pat Gohn edited in and out. Our conversation for Part 2 was about an hour long, but it's much shorter in the podcast version.

I'm more than a little nervous.

UPDATE: "It's really hard out there. It's really hard. To be a virgin in the 21st century takes heroic courage. It takes the grace of a saint to live the life that we're talking about here." -Pat Gohn

Let me know what you think!! LISTEN HERE. Our part of the interview is about one-third of the way through the podcast.

Oh, hello - 7QT, Volume 53

Visit ConversionDiary.com for more!

*1*

Hello.

*2*

I discovered something about myself a few years ago. My passionate nature allows me to focus intensely on three things at one time. The fourth thing either bounces off my passion shield (Be gone, archery! We have no room for you here!) or schooches its way into my heart. 

Jesus' yoke is easy and His burden is light.

Of course, said schooching fills me to the brim (I run full steam ahead with three passions) and one lonely item must leave the nest for a little while.

I think you know what lost out this time around.

*3*

Why?

1. Because my personal relationships started to get elbowed out because of number two...

2. I got a part-time job as a youth activities coordinator at my church. It was the tipping factor that indirectly asked me to bop out one of my intensities.

At first, I thought I could do it all. I was going to ORGANIZE myself into success. It's a pipe dream I'm determined to fulfill, but for now the solution was to leave blogging out in the cold.

*4*

So youth ministry is completely different than I thought it would be! I have taught Theology of the Body to teens for almost two years now, but that requires so little prior preparation that I was fooled into thinking youth ministry was as carefree.

It's invigorating and fulfilling, while poking dozens of tiny holes in my reality. I thought I was an organized person (and a psych test agrees... more on that later), but this job has made me realize I need to ENFORCE organization on myself. It doesn't just take care of itself.

*5*

Coin Rubbage

One step in becoming more organized is also my next big piece of news: I'm moving out of my parents' house! I moved into this house as a toddler and I'm moving out a month before my 25th birthday.

To those graduating in May:

Your decision to live at home depends entirely on your discernment and your parents' willingness/insistence. The first thing anyone says when I tell them I "still live at home" is, "ALRIGHT, YOU'RE SMART!" accompanied by their fingers rubbing imaginary coins together in front of my face.

While, yes, I did save money (while paying a reduced rent), the best benefit of "staying at home" is precisely what you took for granted throughout your senior year of high school:

No one can quantify the value of coming home to people who love you. To wake up in a house where I brought home my first "A," while my now-landlords clapped and squealed in excitement is invaluable to me. My wonderful parents and I reconnected as adults and I learned more from them in the last two, perspective-rich years than I did since that first homework assignment.

Thank you, Mommy and Daddy! I'm moving on to learn more, but I love the home you created between all of us.

*6*

My areas of interest. So I like art.

My full-time job provided me with the opportunity to take the Birkman assessment. Ask my family and my beau and they will tell you I can't shut up about it.

Ask me and I tell you I'm enthusiastic about it because I'm a big picture thinker who likes to see how things work out with a plan.

It's SO COOL to have a computer tell you, "Hey, you're insightful, you like to work in smaller groups, but too much solitude is bad for you. When you're stressed out, you will try to withdraw and procrastinate, so try to avoid that by setting up your environment with plenty of organization and time to complete your tasks."

WHAT IS COOLER than seeing your habits and brain quantified? I think I talk about it exactly the right amount of time. Beau? Care to comment? :)

*7*

Bright Maidens announcement time!

We're thinking about switching things up! This change would be reflected in the calendar (click the link, copy the URL, and use it to "subscribe" in your calendar application or format), so we'd like to hear what you think.

The topic that normally falls on a Tuesday will pertain to an entire week. Instead of asking you to write to a one-day deadline, we're giving all of us a chance to wake up a little during the week.

If you have time to write your piece for Monday, have at it! If you want to explain why you think Gilbert Blythe is the ultimate man in 7 short bullet points, please, be our guest and wait until Friday!

I hate over-using the word "busy," especially before I have children, so I won't.... but it might be nice to inject a little flexibility into the week. What do you think?

No more nunsense

I interrupt this 7 Quick Takes Friday to bring you something much heavier and more necessary for my sanity this weekend. I'm going to the mountains with my beau and good friends and I cannot wait for the fresh air and marvelous views that remind me how much more credit I need to give to God on a daily basis.

Anthony challenged me to write a post about the religious life that dives deeper into my true feelings about the chaste, poor, and obedient vocation. In good faith, he offered the same.

The truth is I have no idea how to discern my vocation. I flip-flop between certainty about marriage, a general openness for God's plan in my life, and back to terror. This (and the profound Love of my unblackened soul) is why I can never be a politician.

I spend a lot of time talking to God, praying the Our Father and Hail Mary, reading what people have to say that either affirms or juxtaposes (therefore confirms) what I believe, and thinking I have most of it figured out. Yes, my faith grows in and through God, but I limit it with my fear when there should be nothing scaring me.

I listened to this sermon, "How to discern your vocation," which a commenter on VirtuousPla.net offered. I wish I heard it in middle school, not because it cleared anything up for me, but because it explains why it's important to discern the religious life before dating.

As I lay in bed, having listened to the sermon, I wept. I wept when I became aware of a darkness filling the void where discernment belonged. I wept because I vehemently don't want to choose away from my boyfriend, if that's what God called me to do.

I ached, a violent, physical pain in my chest, at the idea that choosing a religious vocation meant my children would never exist. My ribs caved in with my silent sobs.

I cried thinking about writing letters to my family and friends instead of seeing them daily or weekly. I cried at the thought of Alternate Elizabeth explaining a choice for religious vocation to her family and friends. My tears fell because the religious life has rarely been a serious consideration and I realized that meant I had walled up a path to God.

As I mentioned in my original post, I know it would be a fulfilling life. The priest in the sermon linked above went so far as to say it is the most straightforward (albeit toughest) path to Heaven. I could work with children, speak a different language, live simply, and create strong bonds with a community.

How beautiful the life of a religious! You choose the tougher path and become a joyful light in the world because of it! Your day is ordered between prayer, service, simplicity, and a healthy helping of patience.

Like the rest of the world, you encounter stress, sorrow, doubt, happiness, surprise, and God's sense of humor. The difference is that you carry the weight of a community on your shoulders with a great sense of humility that it is really Christ's yoke.

The other side of my head (Is it my heart? Is it my self-tradition?) wants to scream out, "I can do those in the vocation of marriage, as well!" Obviously, I have not "solved" this puzzle, but I have seen a void in which prayer needs to erupt. Immediately and without fear.

My sorrow over what is really a new realization doesn't necessarily mean married life is for me. The joyful nature attached to the habit is not exclusive to religious life, as marriage might be my calling. Everyone makes sacrifices in their chosen path. It's about time I start sacrificing that wall of fear and tear it down.

Now, God, I need your help figuring out how to do that.

Ahem: Enough with the kooky titles? This post needs a kooky title because it emotionally exhausted me beyond my abilities to keep things peppy in the body of it.

Dear college students, Part 3 - 7QT, Volume 40

Click here to read the original post at ConversionDiary.com

*1*

I've hit the big 4-0! I feel spry and energetic. Well, that's not quite true, since I tend to stay up way too late finishing these 7 Quick Takes. I am happy to share my next installment of my advice to college students right here in my 7QT.

These are aimed at seniors and other upperclassmen. You thought you could escape!? No way, José.

First of all: do as I say, not as I do.

That is a theme running through virtually EVERY piece of advice I or others can offer you. This doesn't mean you should make the mistakes we make since we survived and learned from them. Make new mistakes! You can write about them on your blog in two years!

*2*

If you haven't pulled an all-nighter yet, I applaud you.

And now I send you to the library to stay up all night. You should know what it feels like because:
A) there's something transient in living two full days without the veil of sleep between them and
B) you will never have the opportunity to go a full 24 hours without sleep without serious consequences, except now.

A follow-up on this bit of advice: don't you dare drive.

Savvy? Now, go procrastinate like a college student and caffeinate yourself.

*3*

You know how I said "you will never have the opportunity" to spare a night of sleep without serious consequences except during this time...about 20 seconds ago? That's because you're in college. You have time.

This baby thinks he's tired. He should ask his MOM about fatigue.

I don't want to be a cynical college graduate, but I'm in the position of both walking in your shoes and in the shoes of someone who works 40+ hours a week for a paycheck. School is much different from work and if I could go back, I would smack myself in the face every time I complained about being busy or not having enough time to do something.

Oh, I would also smack myself for being too tired.

I leave room in my life for Future-Mother-Elizabeth to go back in time and smack Full-Time-Job-Elizabeth. See? The circle of life.

*4*

In my second post to college students, I suggested that freshmen should get to know their professors immediately. This is my echo to you: keep a strong relationship with your professors.

Say hello to them, stop by during their office hours just to say "Hi," ask them for help, and keep them informed about your future plans. If you don't already have a job (because you're not a 2011 Superhero), then you're going to need their guidance very soon.

These men and women provide your recommendations for internships, graduate school, and job applications. Treat them well, as human beings, but also as people who are invested in you and your future.

*5*

Go on a tour of your campus. You haven't been on one of these since you were a senior in high school. Write down how it felt differently than the first time you toured.

Take pictures like you're a tourist.

Planking

Consider planking.

*6*

Buy a journal and make a goal to write in it every week. Pick a day and set a time, no excuses, to write for at least five minutes about anything on your mind. Get into the habit and you will eventually write more often and longer than five minutes, once a week.

This is a routine that can vastly improve how you digest your life.

*7*

Pick a freshman, or six, and become their friend. If you already make a habit of being friendly, that's wonderful! Do it more.

Aw, look! Freshmen.

The first few weeks of freshman year can set the pace for the whole semester. The first semester sets the pace for the year. The year can set the pace for who one hangs out with and what influences him or her.

Of course there are opportunities for change and new directions throughout those four years, but how many more smart decisions would you have made if a big, bad senior befriended YOU in your first week. If you had a stable, devout role model and confidant, would you have made some of the choices you now consider misguided?

Evangelizing doesn't have to begin with, "Hey, I'm Billy Bob. Have you found Jesus?!"

It can begin with, "Hey, can I help you carry that?" or "I always get lost in this part of campus, where are you headed?"

Any other alums are encouraged to share YOUR advice for seniors!

Theology of the Body, Week 8

"It'll happen when you least expect it."

"Build a friendship, first."

"Never frown because you never know who is falling in love with your smile."

"He's out there somewhere."

"The right man/woman will love you just the way you are."

Man, those are annoying.

Even more so when you learn they're true.

This week we gathered the teens for an informal talk about the most applicable and relevant Theology of the Body chapter for a teen:

Dating with Purity

Like a champ, my beau joined me to be the example for the teens. We told them about our background, our two-year-old friendship, and the natural progression to dating.

One of my co-teachers is my beau's best friend and one of my best friends. He testified that watching our relationship develop so naturally from friendship, to a brother/sisterhood relationship in Christ, to a romantic relationship was beautiful to watch "from the sidelines."

...He said "from the sidelines," but my seminarian friend played a few minutes of the game when I shared with him my feelings for my now-beau. Always the good teammate, he promptly reported to my beau, who was already laying the groundwork to court me -- now with the confidence of its potential success tucked safely in his breast pocket.

I will never undersell the importance of building a solid friendship before dating someone. I know that is not the path for everyone, but consider these advantages:

1. Confidence. You build confidence in one another without worrying about stepping on your romantic chances. 
2.  Comfort. You build a latter to a sturdy comfort level in a friendship. When I went directly into romantic relationships with men in my past, the giddy feelings felt great. However, it was hard to distinguish the giddiness from newness and the giddiness about the man. 
3. Opening up. You share more with your close friends than you do with someone you've dated for a few weeks. You protect your heart when you enter into a friendship first, rather than trying to share a lot with a new romantic other. 
4. Time. Becoming friends with someone first gives you time to learn about them without falling victim to the "standard" timeline in a "typical" relationship. 
5. Respect. You grow to respect each other for who you are instead of solely the generic reason: because you should.

We also suggested to the teens to wait to date until they find someone they can see themselves marrying.

(I don't own the rights)

This doesn't mean you should only date when you know you have found The One, or that you can only date one person in your entire life. But you should see the core values and "-isms" in the people you date that you'd wish to see in your future.

Before entering the classroom for TOB class, my beau and I joked about telling the kids to never kiss anyone until their married. "Just avoid the temptation all together," we said, because it is really tough to live a chaste life with someone for whom you feel strongly.

However, as the adage goes, who said life was easy? And as James goes:

"Blessed is the man who perseveres in temptation, for when he has been proved he will receive the crown of life that he promised to those who love him" (James 1:12).

 Finally, we stressed the value of every stage of a couple's physical relationship.

The first "intimate" moments my beau and I shared were the countless Our Fathers we said at Mass while holding hands.

"Holding her hand was a big deal because I had liked her for so long," my beau said to a chorus of teenage Awwwwwwwwwwws.

At the end of our first Our Father as "a couple" (as if we had that tattooed to our foreheads), we did the cute, movie-style linger and squeeze of the fingertips. Awwwwwwww.

Remember this?

We both said that we could consider each other one of our best friends for several months before we started dating. Neither of us wanted to spoil that by entering into a casual relationship, so we remain alert and conscious rather than apathetic and robotic.

My beau and I have fun together, whether at a sporting event, cooking dinner, or going to Mass. We are also individuals walking toward God on separate legs of the triangle.

Next time you hear one of the cliches I listed at the top of this post and you feel the pang of frustration, recite a prayer asking God for patience and clarity. Pick up a copy of How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul, while you're at it.

If it's His will, you'll get there. And if you work on your relationship with Him, you'll notice.

7 Quick Takes Friday, Volume 26

Click here to read the original post at ConversionDiary.com

*1*

I am well-rested and unaware of any weddings going on in British cities.

My aunt got an invitation for a DVR viewing of the Royal Wedding, hats and gloves preferred.

I can't help but spend some energy praying that these two young monarchs make it. We don't need another public divorce discrediting the institution of marriage.

*2*

I know 1/3 of the people in this video titled, "We Got a Pope" (based on the song "I'm on a boat" -- which I've never heard of). Please enjoy:

*3*

Did you see the #TradPickUpLines? 

Hat tip to Sarah, Jackie and Kassie.

*4*

I've raved about Sr. Lisa before, but here I go again. Hop over to her order's blog page to see her write up of a speech she made to young women at a retreat.

It seems many people (cough, cough, Bright Maidens included) are recognizing the void we have in our Church for reaching out to young women. Young women, if they learn and foster self-respect, can make a big impact on this world. They can hold men accountable and use their compassion to better the world. True girl power!

*5*

Speaking of the Bright Maidens!

Remember to write your own post that matches the prompt, "Why Mary?" for this Tuesday, May 3. You can go anywhere with this prompt, the only rules are you need to post it to the Bright Maidens' Facebook page, keep it clean, and link back to the Bright Maidens page in your post.

*6*

How cool does he look?

I will be going to my very first NASCAR race this weekend. I have some idea of what I can expect, but I'm more excited about the things I will see that will surprise me. 

Of course, I will have my handy notebook with me (I carry a notepad and a pen with me wherever I go. Seriously, everywhere) and I will take copious notes.

My date likes Jeff Gordon so the stubborn in me wants to cheer for Jimmie Johnson.

Now the most important issue: What should I wear?

*7*

I have been known by the following names:

Elizabeth
Betsy
ElizabethAnne
Lizardbreath
Hilly
Twin
Liz
Lizzie
Liz I.E.
Zelda

and most recently, E.

Thank you, Julie and Trista! My poor little 5-year-old self should have thought of this the first time I tried to write my nine-letter name.

When comments haunt your dreams

If you were keeping track, tonight was our sixth Theology of the Body class... but I will publish the write-up on that this weekend. I have something else to share today...

Homeboy McCoy wrote a comment on Tuesday's Bright Maidens post that stirred thought in my mind and the minds of my Bright Maiden cohorts. We think it needs addressing.

Homeboy

Are the three of you currently single? Just to play devil's advocate, perhaps you can invite an unmarried practical Catholic woman in a steady relationship to share her thoughts on these issues. 

I'm reminded of a quote from St. Jerome: "When the stomach is full, it is easy to speak of fasting."

She may have a perspective on the difficulties of remaining faithful to the teachings of Mother Church while grappling with sexual energy. Because love does weird things to your resolve.

My first reaction was a little unfavorable, I must be honest

Julie responded:  

Well, I'll start: No, I am not single and yes, it is definitely difficult to grapple with one's sexual energy when you really, really like a person. But it is possible, as everything is possible with God, and especially when the couple makes communication a priority. It also helps that we are both Catholic (and have the same understanding of human sexuality vs. a past person who liked to tell me how sexually repressed I was because I would not give into his pressures).

I don't really think of single people as having a full stomach- there is an ache to singleness. Love does come with its own complications, but there is a beauty in chaste love that is difficult to grasp when one already has bit the apple, so to speak.

And then Trista responded:  

I agree that it would be interesting to have the perspective of an "unmarried practical Catholic woman in a steady relationship," but that's not needed or a qualifier for the three of us to give our take on contraception and sexuality. ALL of us have sexual energy that we are dealing with and have dealt with in the past, in relationships with attractive, handsome men whom we were crazy about.

(I don't own the rights)

I echo my friends' sentiments. To reiterate the idea behind the blog: we are young, unmarried Catholic women. I love me some mommy blogs, but that's not our niche.

Priests and celibate religious talk about NFP and sex. I teach and write about Theology of the Body on this blog. The teachings on sexuality and contraception are not topics that only people facing temptations can discuss.

I understand the suggestion was to help balance our take on the topic, but I'm here to say I think we have our bases pretty well covered.

We live in a hook-up culture and our age group is most-affected by this moral relativism, while single or within a relationship. I have faced and failed in the carnal temptations in my past. There are mistakes I live with everyday, even everyday I'm single.

Just like a mother teaches her teenage daughter to learn and set up her boundaries on this topic, we must make these decisions before facing those moments of heat.

Loving someone opens a can of wormy temptation; I've lived it. This is precisely why we need to determine our resolve at each checkpoint. The three of us are dating and getting to know men and we have made these decisions about our sexuality, no matter our relationship status.

I really appreciate the devil's advocacy; this is our rebuttal.

I love 1st graders! Week 15

You know what happens to elementary school students on ValenTIME's Day? They eat a lot of sugar.

It was Halloween part II, but they were still very manageable. This week's topic was "God's family and my family," so we got to hear a lot of interesting comparisons:

* We all Love each other.
* We all go to church on Sunday.
* Mary and Joseph don't eat spaghetti anymore, but I do.
* Jesus doesn't wear shoes in heaven, but moms make you wear them.

The most jarring part about the lesson was learning our "faith words," matrimony and marriage. As I was reading out the simple sentences explaining that matrimony is what a man and a woman enter into when they love each other and want to commit to be together for the rest of their lives... I knew I was reading to a room half-filled with the products of divorce.

I don't own the rights

The statistics were better than I'd hoped, but I think three out of ten had divorced parents and they are still at the age that sharing this is just a fact. The emotional tire marks have been left, but I don't think they have processed them consciously yet.

Immediately I reverted to my semi-childish and certainly simplistic confusion about divorce. I understand that there are abusive situations and those are tough. I do not presume to understand divorce from a first-hand perspective.

HOWEVER, there have to be moments while a couple is dating or is engaged when the hesitant thoughts or red flags perk up, suggesting it is not right. "I am not really willing to commit to this person, for better or for worse."

As a puritan, I firmly believe sex plays a big role in keeping people on the path to marriage when it's not the right path for the couple. I also know that many people don't trust that they can find someone for whom they would not be settling. People do not want to be alone.

So they take a leap that was never meant for them. And now their kids are in my classroom and I have to teach them about this holy sacrament through a vocabulary word and a definition.

Manage your mannerisms

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Middle school is God's preview for purgatory, in my humble opinion. Unless He meant it to be a taste of Hell, in which case: good job, God. It did the trick, I never want to go there.

During my time in Hell, I observed and people-watched so thoroughly that I created in my  mind a PhD dissertation outlining "How to Look Cool." I knew how "the popular kids" got to their thrones, I understood why it worked for them but not everyone, and I would attempt to implement some subtleties in my own life to stay under par and above water.

Pre-teen Elizabeth avoided subscribing to the big "popularizers" like boasting really low cut shirts, wearing expensive clothes, treating people poorly, and throwing myself at guys (the voices of whom, let's recall, were still changing). However, I would intentionally walk pigeon-toed.

(I don't own the rights)

I have no clue why, don't ask me, but this was a common trait among the popular girls: cute running sneakers, jeans, and a slightly deformed stride. I adopted it blindly.

It became a habit that I still have to correct consciously. Eleven-year-old Elizabeth fell so hard for the middle school message stating a self-conscious, cutesy way of walking would make her more valuable that her mark remains thirteen years later.

This mannerism sprung from a negative mindset, but everyday we can watch ourselves carryout helpful habits sprung from positive or necessary mindsets.

Those who have driven a manual car while sitting at a red light know that, with experience, the driver comes to know the exact moment to lift his or her foot off the clutch. You must teach yourself to pay attention, almost subconsciously, to the engine's queues and you adjust immediately.

Much like middle school, the first twenty hours behind the wheel of a stick-shift car tests your patience and knocks you down several pegs. These cars are meant to build humility sand castles around your wimpy "driving skills." Respect the clutch or the world will know what you've done.

We learn through our mistakes. In the manual car, no one can teach you to "know" the perfect time to shift; after some practice, your habits take over. In the decade following middle school, I looked down at my daily reminder of the futility of basing my happiness on how "the popular kids" see me.

Keep it smiley (I don't own the rights)

Make making good habits a habit. The simplest but most fruitful guideline is "Am I Loving if I do this?"

If I get angry at this telemarketer and take it out on her, am I Loving? If I decide I need to teach a lesson to the white BMW who cut me off, am I Loving? When my younger sibling is annoying me by acting exactly as I did when I was his or her age and I just want to squash it out of them, would that be Loving? If I change myself just to appear cooler to the mob of popularity on the other side of the lockers, am I Loving?

We are called to treat all as Christ would. This includes ourselves.

We encounter "Hell" in middle school, develop new wisdom and talents in everyday life, stumble over reasons to be eternally happy, and crash into reasons to feel inconsolably sad constantly over the course of a lifetime.

Keep one constant among all of the variables: make good habits that stick around when you most need to use them.

Foggy goggles

"Become what you are." 

This quote from the Venerable John Paul II packs a punch. It's as simple as it sounds, but then: WAP-O, right in the self-expectation gut.

The new year brings new resolutions: weight loss, a more organized house, patience, loving more, visiting grandparents (highly recommended), or calling parents more often. These great goals contribute to bettering ourselves and to becoming who we are.

I want to dig into "becoming who I am," but I'm letting something get in my way.

A little over-rotation at the age of 7.

Since I was 13, I have defined myself as a swimmer. I still do, though I look nothing like one anymore (queue the female body image pity violin).

Each day I smelled like chlorine and loved it. I used every muscle in my body for an average of 3 to 5 hours per day. My swimming peers and I competed with each other, got into a rhythm together, shared hotel rooms, motivated each other, and empathized with the balance that only athletes in individual sports can understand.

The first time I drove by myself with my valid license was to a 4:50 AM swim practice.

You're a swimmer if you walk around the pool deck half naked as if you're fully clothed. You're a swimmer if you feel more comfortable blowing bubbles face down into water for hours on end than breathing normally in the stands at a football game.

You're a swimmer if you can hold your breath for a minute and a half without panicking. You're also a swimmer if your number one fear is that of drowning because you know just how painful not breathing can be.

I'm in the middle. I miss that feeling.

You're a swimmer if you train 25+ hours per week for 3 months just to spent a few minutes, or seconds, in your own lane to the muffled sound of cheering friends.


The reason I stopped swimming is both uninteresting and irrelevant, but the affect that the void has had is striking. I find I identify myself as a swimmer, though I am too scared to go to Masters practice regularly (Masters swimming is a structured league for adults).

I allowed "swimmer" to define me for too long. I cannot let go of the title entirely because most of my competitive nature and drive are derived from my time in the water and I would still rather smell like chlorine than anything else, but it's time to embrace my real identity in 2011.

I am a daughter in Christ and of our Lord. That's all I need to process.

This year I will be brave and go to more Masters practices. I'll use them as time for meditative prayer. How many decades can I go through in a 600m warm-up?

In my short time on Earth, I've come to too many conclusions about how to live that don't include reflection as a member of God's Church. It's time to strap on my goggles and re-focus.

Boys and girls

Boys are not stressful and they are not stupid.

Reviewing the Theology of the Body as I teach the teens at my church reminds me of this. Another beautiful result of the third wave of feminism <<sarcasm, sarcasm, sarcasm>> is the trend of disliking men for being male.

Take your pick of any jaded female Facebook status, the evidence is abundant.

I'm guilty of a little hate speech soiling our brothers here and there, but it has been a while. I have a longer history of stressing out about "boys" and wondering if they liked me romantically or not. Oh the time I have wasted...

Ladies, think about how much time and energy you've spent analyzing something a guy has said or not said. We get all worked up, as if guys imply or hide anywhere NEAR as much in their speech as we do, and when it doesn't work out: we get to spit all over their good name.

Sounds like a good deal, right?

I'm embarrassed to admit how long it took me to realize this. Until several months ago, I thought I needed to know what the men in my life were thinking. Pick a side, I thought. Pick a side, friend or more than friend, and go with it.

God only knows how many friendships I spoiled with that approach. I'm finally at peace and trusting God. Where the words "let go and let God" would make me angry and confuse me, now I can sincerely let go.

Attention young ladies: take a break from guys for a little while. Allow yourself some time to come to see them as brothers in Christ or potential brothers in Christ.

Being friends with them is so much easier then stressing about what they're thinking -- and, if you ask me, being friends with them is easier than being friends with most women.

Aim for God, as explained in the diagram here, and He'll bring you closer to whom He's chosen for you. You may already know him! In the meantime you can get to know Him and all the hims without angst-dripping Facebook statuses.

Dear Diary

When I was in 6th grade and having a particularly rough, middle-school-is-the-first-taste-of-hell moment, my mom suggested I start writing in a diary. "Oh mom, what do you know? Well, I do have some spare time..." The habit stuck and I'm in my 13th year of diary divulging.

Buying a new diary is a ritual. It should look like the beholder in that stage of life -- the last one I bought was understated, painted leather, and two inches thick because I thought it could be filled with stories about meeting my husband and my first months of motherhood. That was important to me, therefore it's consistent with my needs for the diary.

Unexamined self-talk is vulnerable to worldliness and I think everyone should pour thoughts onto paper. My diaries are filled with milestones...though I cringe at virtually every teenage, twenty-year-old, and "last-week-ago" thought I've written.

Diary writing became such a big pillar in my life that I built my one and only art show around it.

Two autumns ago, I painted four main pieces and picked out a dozen pages from diaries dating back to 11-year-old me, lining the pages atop the paintings on the wall. In each of the works and on each diary page I painted some version of a black area, a consistency that represents a vehicle between all of them.

My objective was to illustrate the concept of memories and how they adapt to our lives

One lady told me that this was a pro-choice painting... news to me...

I wrote excerpts from diaries around this head thing.

When you recall memories that you've thought about before, you're looking through two lenses:

1) All of the experiences since you were younger shift your perspective on everything, including past memories. 2) Remembering a memory is an imperfect task to undertake anyway and acknowledging that opens another pocket for learning about yourself. 

For example, I remember my second birthday and that my cake had no candles on it. Remembering how my parents scrambled to find candles for their eldest child's second birthday cake is more important to me now than it was at six-years-old. At six, I was more concerned with the color of my dress. 

If God wills it, I'm closer to being the parent of a 2-year-old than I am to being a 2-year-old. Six-year-old me liked pretty dresses, simple as that.

I added more diary excerpts underneath and around the tree branches.

If you try to read this, please recognize that I was probably 18 and "artsy fartsy" for artsy fartsy's sake when I wrote it. *Groan*

Reading over the diaries to pick entries was painful and posting them up on walls for others to read them was even more painful. But that was part of the point. We are the sums of our experiences and the product of our equipment for absorbing them. By sharing my impression of this concept with others, I placed a marker in my memory and in the memory of everyone who looked at my show (and now, you). 

This memory "marker" may or may not pop up again in your life, but all seemingly inconsequential moments add up. In a few minutes, days, or years you may think back on any memory with a new perspective. 

The new perspective will meet with the old perspective and the difference will give you even more to think about. 

"I was once incapable of seeing a man as a brother in Christ first, instead of a potential mate. Thank You, God, for constantly de-clouding my vision of that. In a few years, I'll see more results from that."

Or

"Wow, 17-year-old me actually wrote the words, 'I have everything figured out.' Joke is on her... and now the joke is on me."

Or

"I use the word 'I' too much."

There will be more memory collisions in my future. I look forward to them, as embarrassing as they will be.

Operation Beautiful

This is so cool!

A woman in Charlotte, NC came up with a campaign to let the world know how unhelpful negative self-talk is. She leaves post-its on mirrors, on posters, on walls, on anything that traditionally inspires women to dwell on negativity about themselves. Her Web site calls for the rest of us to do the same and send in photos of the good cheer in action.

Check out her site, leave a few notes in public areas and help get rid of the mental muck that we let pile up in our self-esteem!