Week Two: Contraception
"Evil Don't Look Like Anything" by Julie at The Corner with a View
"Wearing Crucifixes and Condoms" by Trista at Not a Minx, a Moron, or a Parasite
"Beyaz™ Yourself" by Elizabeth at Startling the Day
This is the second post of a Lenten blog post series called "Bright Maidens." We three are from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. We're here to dispel the myths and misconceptions- please join us for the discussion!
***I'm tempted to not put a disclaimer here. The reason I will disclaim is because I want you to know my intentions are to spread love. "The road to hell" being what it is, I know the diaspora that occurs between intention and effect. I understand many women are on hormonal birth control for medical reasons. Just consider what I'm saying, I'm not attacking anyone... except maybe the interns who concocted this commercial...***
"You know what you want today, but you never know what you might want tomorrow. It's good to have choices..." This is the introduction to the most recent Beyaz™ commercial.
Hey ladies! Life is like shopping! Yeah, in your designer outfits, perfect hair, and thin bodies, you walk around a pale pink store placing life decisions in the shopping cart, one by one!
First stop: grad school. How could you pick up a degree? Well, having sex outside of marriage is a given, of course. Are you expected to complete a degree without the occasional stress release? So, the next logical step is birth control.
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| (I don't own the rights) |
Now, which birth control should I use? According to the Bayer people, Beyaz™ is formulated with a little extra folate. Yup, that's right. Prenatal vitamins built in, just in case you get pregnant.
Good choice! You're hitting the world with a double whammy of responsibility. Wack, wack, take that.
However, as the next shot shows, if you get pregnant, though your baby will have sufficient calcium, he or she will make the diploma fly off into the air to another part of the store of life.
In our walk around the store, we see other admirable life goals like "picnic at a waterfall," "trip to Paris," and "buy a house." People with babies don't do these things. Celibate people definitely don't do these things.
When picking out a significant other, as the label portrays on the shelf, one must choose carefully, but not too carefully. After all, there is a whole shelf of them and you're "protected."
In fact if you had sex and used this birth control, you'll probably go to Paris with the goofy Ken doll you just picked out two tables ago.
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| (I don't own the rights) |
To be clear, there are no men in the commercial. No wining, no dining, no actual romantic dates, just little miniature ones trapped in glass boxes like action figures.
The women are strolling along, presumably having sex figuratively as they walk in this dream-like state through the store without concern.
Natural
Why would a puritan like me disagree with this "freedom" these women have over their own bodies? The world tells us, "Sex is natural" and it is.
Let's talk about what is unnatural. Birth control. Contraceptives. Separating an entire reason for the marital bond in order to use your significant other, husband or wife for pleasure only. That is unnatural.
Literally: look at the ingredients in hormonal birth control or barrier contraceptives, ask a 3-year-old to pronounce it for giggles. Then ask a 15-year-old to pronounce it. After that, try pronouncing it yourself.
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| Woooo blod clots. Actual Beyaz girl. |
Crystalina and Jason Evert break down the carcenogenic that is "the Pill" in this article and I highly recommend it if you're looking for a scientific answer to your question.
As a sneak preview, hormonal birth control can cause heart attack, blood clot, stroke, liver cancer, breast cancer, gallbladder disease, headache, bleeding irregularities, ectopic pregnancy, weight gain, mental depression, yeast infection, changes to the curvature of the eye, excessive hair growth in unusual places, loss of scalp hair, acne, partial or complete loss of vision, and more.
Put that in my shopping cart, right away!
My ex-boyfriend, who is very involved in the pro-life movement, once exclaimed that the anti-contraceptive voices should be detached from the pro-life movement. Detached.
No. The pro-life movement gives away too much when it says contraception is okay.
It means we're okay with irresponsibility. You can have all the pleasure you want without "risk," but if biology WHOOPS gives you a baby, then you have to start being responsible. Let's be clear, a baby is always a potential result of sexual intercourse, even if it's "protected." A baby is never the result of not having sex.
Unless you're Mary.
The only "safe" sex is that between two people who are entirely committed to one another. This doesn't include people who are paying rent together, people who have bought meals for each other, or people who met ten minutes ago. This includes those bound in matrimony.
Two bound in matrimony are not granted permission to lust for each other and "have at it." That corrupts sex. They are invited to share in God's gift of making love, or the "intimate sphere," as Alice von Hildebrand calls it. This is only fully realized when the two unite in pleasure and understanding that a child may result from their physical manifestation of love.
More pet peeving
You know what is most annoying about this commercial? Most of the things that these women are shopping for are related to men. If you're so independent and you haven't been "duped" by your biology like those of us who are oppressed by abstinence, why are you still tied to how a man sees you and how you spend time with a man?
The picnic by a waterfall and trip to the "most romantic" city in the world are certainly supposed to be shared with one of the Ken dolls in an earlier shot. How are you more independent with this birth control?
I was going to share with you the video for the commercial, but it has been removed. I can't find it anywhere. Perhaps they made a sour choice and now they see the backlash?
UPDATE: John Jansen found it!
40 comments:
In very limited defense of the ad:
One of the reasons that ads for contraception are terrible and are disconnected from the responsibilities of sex is that ads that deal with women's sexuality in a productive way are hard to air. Think of all the (awful) tampon and sanitary napkin ads that have to represent their product with women running down a beach or lit up by a glow.
In prime time and even in late night, all these ads end up coded, and it's not surprising the metaphors they pick are usually a poor fit with a poor message.
Leah @ Unequally Yoked
YES YES YES. You put the shirt in here. Serious props. Also, excellent piece. Nice job E!
Awesome post as always! I saw this commercial for the first time today and I was thrown off by the name. Isn't there already a birth control pill called yaz? Wasn't it taken off the market? I haven't had time to research it but hope to soon.
Society today sickens me. It's a sad state of affairs.
Brilliant stuff!
Look at me, commenting on your blog! I have a feeling I'm gonna be in the minority here, but you anticipated that on Facebook, ha.
It's a dumb commercial, that much we can agree on. I get angry at commercials for birth control the same way I get angry at commercials for tampons: I get the feeling that the people who produce these atrocities continually underestimate women. They think we're stupid. They mix pastel colors with footage of smiling women on bicycles and menstrual pads flying around on a breeze to upbeat music, tell us to "Have a happy period!" and call it a day. I don't know one single woman who doesn't roll her eyes at that. But there I am the next day, buying tampons, because I need them. Same goes for this commercial. I'm gonna buy your product (or a generic alternative that hasn't enraged me) because I need it, not because your dumb, patronizing commercial spoke to me. If I wanna get married and have a kid while I am in grad school then guess what, I'm gonna do it because I'm a woman and I'm awesome and you people underestimate me. I'll take Anne Junior to Paris, too.
Here it comes, though: I think birth control (in any of its forms) is great. Let me address your points in order of appearance:
Yeah, hormonal birth control is unnatural. So is the plastic cup I'm drinking from. Reading the list of side effects on a pack of contraceptive pills doesn't make me feel any worse than doing the same for a pack of Ibuprofen. Every medication comes with possible nasty side effects. It's your personal decision to decide if the (possible) bad outweighs the good for you. As for hormonal birth control, it's also shown to decrease the risk of ovarian and endometrial cancer. (http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Risk/oral-contraceptives). My point is, I have the information, now it's my personal decision to take it or not.
Moving on to the sex part. I feel iffy disagreeing with you on an issue that means a lot to you in light of your faith and religion. Obviously your faith is a huge part of who you are and it shapes your opinions. And since it's so personal and important, it's usually a sensitive subject. But I hope you know me well enough to know that by disagreeing with you on the subject of this blog post, I'm not attacking your beliefs, but merely trying to convey my own point of view.
The thing is, though; Different strokes. Some people, for reasons religious or not, will wait to have sex until they're married and/or ready to welcome children. That's okay. Some people will not. That, to me, is okay too. And if they're not ready to have children, I can only commend them for having the sense of responsibility to use birth control.
As it is, I'm one of them. Does that make me irresponsible, a corruptor of sex, or someone who doesn't respect marriage in your eyes? I hope not.
I could see you writing your own commercial for life-decision-making and it would be beautiful! Nice job, again. :-)
Leah- That is a great point. The producers of commercials for women squirt cotton candy dreams onto a sound stage and expect that will turn a profit.
Julie- :) I had to.
Tina- Thanks, and yes. I think Beyaz is the improvement of Yaz, which did come off the market. Like so many BC before it, Yaz was found to be unstable, or unsafe, or the lawyers just had too much fun making money off of it.
Thanks, Daddy!
Thank you Stacy!!
Aw man, Anne, where did your comment go?
Really stellar. Perfect amount of honesty and frustration.
This is going to look weird, but this is a response to a friend of mine who must have deleted her comment. I really, truly respect her opinion, but I don't want to post her comment since she was the one to delete it. Here is my response, just so y'all know I was ready for some discourse :)
Thank you so much for commenting on my blog!! Yes, I wrote it to get a rise out of people because I think I would be selling myself short to pansy foot around these topics. Yes! You said it perfectly: these commercials underestimate women. Pastel colors? Check. Beautiful women? Check. Women doing something women do, like shopping, working out, sitting in the park? Check. Okay, we have a commercial!
Hahahaha I'll take Anne Junior to Paris, too! Hahahaha
Absolutely, it is your personal decision to take anything you want to put in your body. It is anyone's personal decision to have sex, not to have sex, to go to a sperm bank and make a baby with yourself and some poor guy's sperm, to take oral contraceptive, or to insert that little Y shaped contraceptive into your cervix. But there is a much safer path to take here and I thoroughly believe that it is an all-encompassing message of true love. I believe that it leads you on a path of healing and self-love that contraceptives and the sex between non-committed parties cannot offer.
I will not say that everyone having premarital sex is doing so without love. Of course, people can love each other, date each other, and decide to have sex. But it's like living in a house with a whole wall gone. You're mostly protected, but there's a whole escape plan waiting for whichever of the two can or will leave, which is what is corrupting the love making between them. There is always a pretty wide open chance this isn't honest, true love because the commitment doesn't exist and that leaves both parties open to vulnerabilities.
I did a post on this exact commercial (and it's been removed from my blog too). It's vile. Can you imagine a commercial where a bunch of men were picking out women dolls in a store?
Oh, I do hate that commercial. It's basically saying kids= game over. I plan on taking my kids to Paris one day! And if I get pregnant in grad school, so be it! That doesn't change my life trajectory.
As far as the side effects go - there is an increased likelihood of breast cancer, but women who are on the pill overall have a longer life expectancy than those who aren't. I'm not trying to say its good for you, because anything we put into our body, natural or not, has its effects. But I think that it's tough to definitively say it's effects are negative overall. A lot of the smaller effects are mediated by switching prescriptions.
You didn't mention this, but the article you linked to did, and most people say something about on posts like this. The idea that birth control is an abortifacient. I hate when Catholics tell me that I shouldn't be on birth control, even for medical reasons, because its an abortifacient. Now I'm not saying it's not a viable thing to consider when deciding to take the pill or not, but you know what? NSAID pain relievers (like tylenol) is also an abortifacient. You would never go up to a married woman and say "you shouldn't take tylenol because you could be aborting your baby, even if its for medical reasons" or a woman who is about to take a sip of wine, and say "if you're sexually active, there is always a chance that you might currently be pregnant so you shouldn't drink lest you abort your baby." Though the potential is there, it is there for many things as well. Again, not saying you did this, but as one of those Catholics on birth control for medical reasons - please people, stop telling me I'm aborting my baby!! It's kinda rude. (also, the only info I have ever seen on that is in anti-contraception websites, not any scientific journals. Not saying its not true, but I'd like to see it from a neutral source).
But great post! I agree the only time you should be having sex is (well, married if you're a Catholic/Christian/member of another religion with that standard) when you are prepared for the responsibility of raising a child. If that's out of the question, sex should be too, because there really is never a guarantee of safe sex.
Okay, so after posting that I realized I wrote a lot more about disagreeing than agreeing with you. Haha oops. I'm running late for class now, but just to be clear - I did like the post and (mostly) agree with you! Especially with how stupid I think that commercial is. I think it's pretty anti-feminist to suggest that the only way women can achieve is to become like men, that is, non-childbearing.
"I think it's pretty anti-feminist to suggest that the only way women can achieve is to become like men, that is, non-childbearing." --great point, Jackie!
In terms of some birth control being an abortifacient-- the big problem is not the potential, but the intent. There are other drugs which have similar effects, but no one is taking tylenol or sipping wine to prevent pregnancy.
Also, beware the ides of March! I mean scientific journals. ;) Just because they're scientific does not mean they are neutral- they get funding just like an publication and any case study. There are a lot of faulty studies out there, so pick wisely. I recommend looking to Catholic medical associations/ journals- really interesting stuff!
Julie - I agree that intent is important to consider. My problem is when people say that taking birth control is done with the intent to prevent pregnancy at any cost, whether through ceasing ovulation or through abortion. I don't think that's true. I think most women who take BC do so to stop ovulation, with the intention of reducing their likelihood of becoming pregnant. Not as a "two for one" deal with ovulation suppression/abortifacient. I don't think that because you are taking birth control to lower your chances of becoming pregnant, you are willingly putting an abortifacient into your body anymore than when you take tylenol.
Granted, if you are taking BC for the purpose of it's potential to cause a miscarriage, that's a different story. But like I said, I don't know anyone who takes it with that intent.
Are the three of you currently single? Just to play devil's advocate, perhaps you can invite an unmarried practical Catholic woman in a steady relationship to share her thoughts on these issues.
I'm reminded of a quote from St. Jerome: "When the stomach is full, it is easy to speak of fasting."
She may have a perspective on the difficulties of remaining faithful to the teachings of Mother Church while grappling with sexual energy. Because love does weird things to your resolve.
I see what you're saying, Jackie. However, a major component to hormonal birth control is the expulsion of eggs before they attach. It's tough to separate those who recognize this as a potential side effect and those who are taking it "mainly" for ceasing ovulation.
Even if we look at it chronologically (I fully admit to not being a doctor, so this is what I've gathered through reading and speaking with doctors about it). A woman has to be on BC for several months before the periods space out and she starts releasing eggs less frequently. If she is a married woman engaging in the marital bond with her husband, there are many, many occasions for fertilized eggs to be expelled before they attach. This might have happened naturally in a woman's body, but the Pill is a chemical introduced to the system with this affect. When the ovulation starts to space out, this will happen to fewer eggs.
Switch to Advil :)
"Let's talk about what is unnatural. Birth control. Contraceptives. Separating an entire reason for the marital bond in order to use your significant other, husband or wife for pleasure only. That is unnatural."
So true. In a world where everyone wants to go green, why isn't contraception considered unnatural?
Wonderful post! So proud of ya!
Well, I'll start: No, I am not single and yes, it is definitely difficult to grapple with one's sexual energy when you really, really like a person. But it is possible, as everything is possible with God, and especially when the couple makes communication a priority. It also helps that we are both Catholic (and have the same understanding of human sexuality vs. a past person who liked to tell me how sexually repressed I was because I would not give into his pressures).
I don't really think of single people as having a full stomach- there is an ache to singleness. Love does come with its own complications, but there is a beauty in chaste love that is difficult to grasp when one already has bit the apple, so to speak.
Really wonderful Elizardbreath!!!
Great post!
Btw, the commercial has been reposted here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdSmXKRqFHM
Elizabeth - haha, unfortunately it's all NSAIDs. That's why women who are pregnant don't usually take any pain relievers.
Thank you, John!!! I updated it.
Jackie - Oh, my mistake! Hey, I really appreciate that you commented on this and your position! I love discussion.
OH my goodness... I could have written this post myself- I HATE these commercials! There's a Merena one where a woman looks all frazzled because her kids knock over a watermelon stand at a grocery store... ugh.. "Don't have kids because they ruin your life." is basically the message. These commercials really frost my cookies!!! Great post!
Ouch. This is a biting, sarcastic post -- and it's all so damn true. Why can't they tell stuff like THIS to women who are lonely and only trying to seek happiness?!
You rock for telling it like it is.
Homeboy wrote, "She may have a perspective on the difficulties of remaining faithful to the teachings of Mother Church while grappling with sexual energy."
I agree that it would be interesting to have the perspective of an "unmarried practical Catholic woman in a steady relationship," but that's not needed or a qualifier for the three of us to give our take on contraception and sexuality. ALL of us have sexual energy that we are dealing with and have dealt with in the past, in relationships with attractive, handsome men whom we were crazy about.
Thanks Christiney!
Nicole- I read yours, great work! And what a great point! Double standard.
Homeboy- I'm going to respond to that on Friday, as Julie and Trista already addressed it here :)
Thanks, Trista! Has everyone hopped over to Trista's and Julie's posts?
Thank you so much, John!!
Thanks, Maggie!! YES they are so degrading, and as Jackie put it, anti-feminist. Paradox, kablam.
Wyld- Hahaha thank you. I should probably stop with my Snarky von Sarcastica ways, but I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Jackie,
I just want to say if you're looking for a neutral source saying that the pill can function as an abortifacient, you just have to look to the insert that comes with it. It will tell you that it can interfere with "nidation", which means it interferes with implantation. By preventing implantation, it causes an early abortion.
"As a sneak preview, hormonal birth control can cause heart attack, blood clot, stroke, liver cancer, breast cancer, gallbladder disease, headache, bleeding irregularities, ectopic pregnancy, weight gain, mental depression, yeast infection, changes to the curvature of the eye, excessive hair growth in unusual places, loss of scalp hair, acne, partial or complete loss of vision, and more.
Put that in my shopping cart, right away!"
Elizabeth, you had me rolling on the floor with that one. It reminded me of a Robin Williams line about cocaine: "Anything that makes you paranoid or impotent—mmm, give me more of that!"
You, Trista and Julie rock! As I said over on Julie's blog, I'll put the Three Amigas against the Four Horsemen of atheism any day!
I'm so thankful for finding Anthony Layne's blog a couple weeks ago, and especially for his linking to the Bright Maidens. My wife and I are in our early 40s. We are "couple to couple" ministers for engaged couples at our parish, and we also deliver the NFP talk for pre-cana. The Bright Maidens will be a great resource for us to share (as opposed to just us "old" folks pontificating about Church doctrine).
There are lots of great comments here; however, I would like to take issue with the seemingly accepted notion that birth control pills are sometimes necessary for medical reasons. Birth control pills might treat symptoms, but they do not solve the underlying problem. In fact, given the many downsides of these contraceptives, the matter can be made worse. As a healthier alternative (and one in keeping with Catholic teaching), please look into NaPro Technology. A good starting point is here: http://www.naprotechnology.com/
"If you're so independent and you haven't been "duped" by your biology like those of us who are oppressed by abstinence, why are you still tied to how a man sees you and how you spend time with a man?"
Wow, this is a powerful statement! I thought this was at the heart of what you're getting at. With that attitude, you're still not free! You're catering to men and their sexual interpretation of you. Well said!
Women know deep down that contraception is bad...how many posts are there saying this or that pill has messed up their bodies and what does the next person recommended. At a certain point, you have to realize that contraception is unhealthy. Then they tend towards condoms, less 'side-effects', but no one ever mentions NFP because of the myths that surround it.
We need to get the info out there...NFP is what so many are searching for, that is, other than the pharmaceutics.
Great post! Those commercials really get on my nerves too. If you put their toxins and hormones in your body, you will be young, cute, spontaneous and fun. Having a baby will ruin your life!
The "women be shopping" theme is especially troubling. Is that how we find meaning in life, filling up our shopping carts? Are the men in our relationships just accessories? There is even a bit where one woman snatches the Ken doll that another girl had her eye on - does birth control also make you catty? Nicole C is right with her observation that this ad would be disturbing if men were depicted doing the same thing.
Fantastic post! As the mother of five sons, I know how hard it is to raise children in this sex-saturated culture. My husband and I also teach NFP and we are trained in teaching the Theology of the Body. Thank you so much for this timely, well-written post!
I appreciate your point of view! I get it; I have plenty of friends who are waiting until marriage to have sex. and these commercials are clearly made by ad execs who have no idea what they're actually conveying to the modern woman. but I see their point. they're showing that we make choices in life with their stupid little objectified play things. now the whole grocery story analogy is strange, yes, but we do go through life choosing one thing over another. just as i choose to put manufactured chemicals into my body to fix a natural chemical imbalance that honestly effects my quality of life for the better, and you choose not to.
oral contraceptives have aided in stopping my debilitating cramps. yes, it may be unnatural, but is popping a midol to try to get out of bed and into work a more natural alternative? There are days when I physically wouldn't be able to get up without SOME sort of help. I generally do not like to take painkillers or prescription drugs unless they are going to significantly improve my quality of life or save my life, so it is not without much deliberation that i make such decisions.
i don't want to make this into a huge discussion, but i do want to take a moment to put a more serious example on the plate. I have a lot of family and friends who have suffered from cancer. Chemo can very well make a person infertile, so are we saying that because of that, the church should be against it and we shouldn't do everything we can to help this person survive? just as taking birth control can help with some serious health issues, we have many drugs whose side effects may be contrary to the church's beliefs, but there doesn't seem to be such a public focus on those drugs.
I think we need to focus more on the sex vs. no sex debate (and why NOT educate people more, half of this article and discussion board are all scientifically unsupported opinions, not facts), and less on the medicines we choose to use to improve our lives.
Mary didn't have a CVS with a drive thru 24-7 pharmacy (or I guess if we’re really going there, a need to be on birth control since she wasn’t having sex). so she didn't even have a choice. times have changed, although the stupid commercials have not. But let’s keep the choice to take medicine and the choice to have sex separate. I know I’m in the minority of women who take birth control for reasons other than to prevent pregnancy, but hey, someone’s gotta represent, right?
Loved it from start to finish! I especially love the comments about how it's very anti-feminist! I have always argued that birth control is anti-woman (and Ghandi agrees with me), because it makes us available to sex-on-demand with no repercussions for the men in our lives. It takes away all control we may have had over our bodies and turns them into machines that don't even work right....
First off it is wonderful to see younger women discussing these issues and standing up for what you believe. I wasn't as aware, knowlegable or strong when I was your age. (Granted I'm not that much older) I wish I had been more like you all. I agree 100% about the sex prior to marriage. The consequences extending from birth control and premarital sex are many. Women are not objects! The access to birth control allows us the illusion of control of our bodies and we give up our responsiblity of self control. That said I must defend Beyaz as a treatment for perimenopause.
I am in my mid 40's, chaste and will remain that way outside of marriage (which I don't see happening). For many years I have been dealing with emotional issues caused by wacked out hormones as I became perimenopausal about 5 years early. My docs tried many things: diet(FAIL), antidepressants(FAIL), etc. I was barely able to stay employed and withdrew from pretty much everyone. Just 3 months ago my doc started me on Beyaz and I can tell the difference. I am beginning to feel sane for the first time in years. May change after I have been on it for a while, but for now it is wonderful!
OK people. I know this is off topic. but it is really bugging me as a medical professional. Tylenol is NOT an NSAID! It is perfectly safe during pregnancy! Advil, ibuprofen, however is an NSAID and is not approved during pregnancy. But it is NOT an abortifacient and neither is wine! They may if taken regularly cause birth defects, but are not abortifacient chemicals. BC pills, however are and it is in the medical literature that comes in the box. It inhibits the build up of the endometrial lining to prevent implantation of the embryo in the uterus. Please don't give medical information, if you do not truly know it. Sorry for the rant, just wanted to clear up the misinformation.
Anonymous - Aug 4: Thanks for your comment!! I'm sorry to hear it has been such a trying medical time for you lately, and I'm glad to see the doctors may have found a solution. I've written a more recent post that addresses my current position on women who have to be on birth control for medical reasons, here.
It looks like you, as a chaste woman, found a great solution and I think it's great that you are not negatively effected by the medication right now and that you are chaste! I hope it continues to help and that you can get off of it when you're ready. As a member of Gen Y, which was pummeled by anti-drug propaganda, I'm just unenthusiastic about any kind of medication. This seems to work for you and I don't think it is in opposition of the Church (don't quote me :) ).
Tracy RN - Thank you!! It's great to get your medical perspective!
I stumbled upon this post while looking for women's experiences with Beyaz after being prescribed it today at the OB-GYN. To start off, I want to say this is coming from the mindset of someone who was raised in a religious, conservative household but over the years I've personally become more liberal and less religious. Nothing I'm about to say is with the intention to offend anyone, but I just to offer some insight into what the "other side" is thinking. I definitely respect your views though, especially since they're similar to a lot of my family members.
Past the personal belief of whether or not to take birth control, sexuality is part of nature. I understand that people of most faiths believe this is only to be done between a husband and wife, but this is a new, modern society. Not to say that is right or wrong, but owning your sexuality has become a theme in the younger generations.
I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with premarital sex. My parents, who I have a very good relationship with, would be mortified to hear that. I understand some of you believe that this is allowing men to objectify women and be used as objects, but that's only true if you're going into it with the mindset that you're doing a man a favor and you're not both recieving mutual satisfaction for it. That's the common misconception about sex from the beginning of time. That men are lustful beasts, and women are subserviant pleasers who recieve no gratification or respect for their wants. Anytime I have ever had sex, I've been a willing participant that isn't doing it to "impress" anyone, but to satisfy myself as well as my partner.
I know another popular argument is that no matter how secure you belive your long term relationship is, if it's premarital, you're putting the risk out there that it can falter easier then a marriage. This gives the impression a marriage autmotically implies a stronger union. I don't necessarily believe this is true. The same risks and vulnerabilities also apply to a marriage. Anytime you put yourself out there, it's a risk. And yes, technically they shouldn't apply to marriage, but people break vows. They lie and cheat. The divorce rate is already at 52%, proving this. And from a personal viewpoint, the large majority of the 48% together, are stuck in a situation where it's easier to grin and bear it, instead of leaving.
To touch on the birth control matter briefly, it is very possible to be in a marriage and mutually reciprocate pleasure from sex, without wanting to have children. God made sex enjoyable with the intention of continuing the gene pool, yes. however, times have changed and I do not believe God is unjust. With all the overpopulation it would be irresponsible and damaging to God's earth to bring countless children that we didn't necessarily "want", (I feel awful for using that terminology, but I hope you understand what I mean).
PART 2 Lastly, this blog also pointed out that if women "need" a man so much, then we aren't as independent as we assume. Also untrue (again, from my perspective, feel free to have your own). I'm a strong, independent, young adult. At 21-years-old, I am not looking to get married yet. I don't feel lonely being single, and I'm very satisfied with my life and decisions I make. I, however, am not ready for children. I am, biologically speaking, ready for sex. I don't feel like I need a man, but do I have wants and urges that only a man can fulfil? Yes. I feel like since I am self aware of this discrepancy, it is my responsibility as a young, smart individul to do what I can to bridge that cap. Obviously, many may not agree with this point. But I felt it needed to be put out there. I don't need to go to Paris with a man. I'd prefer going solo. I'd also prefer to have some reflective time at this said waterfull, by myself. It's how I'm enjoying my life at the moment. This will most likely change over time, but until it does, I do have certain personal needs that I feel like I'm taking proper precautions for.
I do acknowledge this is coming from a non religious point of view, but I hope we can agree to disagree. One thing I'll give you is those commercials are terrible :P But their purpose is to cater to the independent minded society of today's time. However, as open minded as I am...I don't pick my potential love interests off shelves :P
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