Lessons We ReReReReLearn

Don't you love the Back to the Future tribute band songs your mind and heart play every once in a while? Every so often I learn something (Praise God!) and then, like a trap door opening on a rickety stage, I drop like a stone, leaving that little cloud of previously learned knowledge floating 5'8" off the ground like a cartoon hat suspended in the air.

Wah.

Do you reinvent the wheel as many times as I do in your faith life? The devil knows just how to get me to fall for those old thought habits. As you can probably pick up from some of my latest posts about growing a family, I've been riding the struggle bus. I keep telling the driver to stop at dark and creepy spots along the bus line, though I've learned my lesson so many times and "know" to avoid them. "Knowledge is power" is a platitud-ious phrase that doesn't tell the whole story.

I can know so many of the things God has taught me, but without the faith to truly accept, apply to, and be patient with God about them in my life, that knowledge is bust. For example, I know God's timing is best. Yet, I keep falling for the Devil's whispers about how much I want to predict when and how our family will grow. In doing so, I'm neglecting to apply that knowledge and it is, therefore, useless to my fragile heart.

I learned this lesson yet again (and I'm praying I open my heart to let it "stick") throughout my day Friday, concluding in Adoration:

1. I spent four hours with four of my favorite children on the planet, trying on the role of Mom. My mind didn't go to pity town at all; I just loved them and realized God gives me so many opportunities to mother in my day.
2. On my way home from our adventures, I received word from a beautiful woman who I know to be similarly facing infertility. She told me God may have answered her prayers (pray for her please!) and my immediate reaction was thanksgiving for the tiny life. Next, I thought about how her pregnancy should turn me to Hope. God works. Period. And He does have a plan for me. Something will happen. In the meantime, I reopened my heart to hope by a crack. He works in a crack.
3. In adoration, I stumbled on the prayerful realization (again) that God's will will be done, whether or not I can be patient for it, so I might as well try to be patient. I have so many other gifts that are "salves" on the wound (kiddos, job, husband, faith life, art).
4. In adoration, I remembered and renewed a transformation prayer I had offered up a few months ago. Non-coincidentally, I offered up this prayer shortly before my latest paid admission for the struggle bus. He is answering my prayerful request for Him to radically transform my heart and life. Even though I know it's currently leading me through pain and suffering, I firmly resolve that I want Him to transform me. I want Him to make me whole, even if that means I have to learn in this way. It's oddly empowering and He's providing that opportunity for me to feel that way.

What lessons are you learning and relearning?

Question: Building the Church

Please help.

This weekend's and this week's readings open discussion about cravings. After last weekend's retreat driven by community atmosphere ahead of Sacramental gifts, my husband desired the Eucharist like a severe craving. He desired it to be in a reverent setting with kneelers, quiet reflection before Mass, genuflecting, and a tabernacle present behind the altar.

Full disclosure: I follow the
"be in unity with your congregation" policy
(credit: CatholicMemes)

Therefore, we participated in Mass at a parish in another part of town. Why? Because, frankly, we have not found those things at our parish.

Mass at the church we visited this weekend was so beautifully reverent, we both joyfully teared up prior to receiving the Eucharist. It felt like letting out a big bubble of air: the kind you kept taking in as little sips of breath over and over until there was no more room.

It's a point of struggle for me: stay at the parish where my parents attend, where I received all of my Sacraments (including matrimony), and where my husband and I involve ourselves in multiple ministries, or go to another parish.

We could be a part of bringing our current parish community closer to understanding the Eucharist and the fulfilling joy it brings. On the other hand, the parish was founded with a specifically community-focused atmosphere instead of one with a Sacramental emphasis (can you tell how hard I'm trying to word this?). There are many beautiful, joyful members of the parish who exude Love. However, there is a profound dip in attendance (you've heard that before) and I know attention to the Blessed Sacrament would help heal us.

Help me. I have been somewhat against church shopping, but I keep feeling a call to celebrate Mass in a more reverent setting. What do you think?