The Accidental Beauty Queen, book review

The Accidental Beauty Queen by Teri Wilson
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

To begin, I read this book more quickly than I read a lot of books. I pretty much knew how it was going to go and the character's voice reminded me a lot of others that I've read (or seen in movies or TV shows), but something drew me to read it constantly over a couple of days. For that reason, and for the fact that it doesn't pretend to be different than a light read, I'll give it three stars.

This novel is a cute chick lit work that takes the new feminist stance on beauty pageants (excuse me, scholarship competitions), much like the movie Miss Congeniality. The main character takes her twin's spot in a beauty pageant, something her bookish, make-up-less self would never have willingly entered. Prior to agreeing to the switch, the main character meets a Mr. Darcy character and the whole thing is set in motion.

The plot points are predictable, but, as I said, they kept me reading. The main character's voice is on script for a 2018 sense of humor, but both she and her twin sister sound like they're much younger than the 29 years old they are cast to be. There was some character development, certainly, but some of it was spelled out for the reader.

*spoilers*
Yet, I must mention how many times my eyes rolled with regard to the love story. Again, I recognize the purpose of the genre and I was enjoying it as I read it. It's a reflection on the low standards our whole culture has for what True Love can be and look like that this woman could take so few details about someone she barely knows, plus the physical attraction, and turn that into a night of passion that has her staring into the mirror at a woman "in love" as she completes the walk of shame back to her hotel room. There were so many references to great classical works and their love stories, but that would suggest the main character has a more mature understanding of dedicated, self-sacrificing love. And I don't think that's what she got. It was just as hormone-dependent and sex-first-relationship-later as any other contemporary woman is supposed "to be cool with."

In conclusion, the book entertained me and I sought more time in my day to read it. That has to stand for something! I received this book from NetGalley and Gallery Books in exchange for a fair review.

View all my reviews

Sweden, book review

Sweden by Matthew Turner
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

2.5 stars
I hate that I'm giving such a low review for this book because I loved the unique premise and how it gave a fresh perspective on the Vietnam War. I also appreciate the author's use of purposeful description. I saw that metaphor and allegory in it most of the time he was using it and I'm happy to read that in a contemporary novel.

However, the story dragged and I had a hard time pushing myself to keep reading it. Perhaps if I had more background knowledge in Japanese culture or the Vietnam war or military culture, I would know when we were on the verge of a shift. As it happens, I have a little knowledge of Japanese culture and I was interested in building on it. Unfortunately, I felt like I had to wait a lot before story elements moved along. I thought the character focuses were interesting (Harper was my favorite and he felt the most real), things just stalled out for me.

I would definitely try another book from the same author in the future. As I said, I liked his writing style and this unique angle. The story just needed to be a little stickier.

View all my reviews

Bringing up Bébé

Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting by Pamela Druckerman
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

**I'm updating this review to give it another star because I haven't been able to stop talking about, thinking about, mulling over, and agreeing with the philosophies I learned in reading this book.**

I came into the reading this book with a pretty firm understanding of how I want to raise my children. I was skeptical when my sister recommended it to me, because when I think of French people the label "not spoiled" does not seem to fit. But having just read French Women Don't Get Fat, I started to think deeper about how there is so much healthy delayed gratification in the culture of France. So I gave it a try!

So much about French living is that Le Pause that she speaks about in French parenting. I know I would do well to include such a pause in my own adult life. Druckerman does a fine job of explaining all of these concepts, which revolve around learning how to wait, and thinking critically about "educating" children to delay gratification.

When you break it down, it is basically the way that our great-grandparents would have preferred to raise children: adults are in charge, they know they're in charge, the children respect that, and the respect is mutual.

I'm giving it four stars as it's not a comprehensive book for me because it doesn't include faith in it (not a surprise), but I really enjoyed a lot of the takeaways I got.

View all my reviews

Gluttony in All its Forms

Gluttony has been among the most common of my sins in the last year and half. When I first learned about gluttony as one of the deadly sins, images of the cookie monster and Augustus Gloop waddled through my mind. The downplayed sin appears to be two-dimensional and simple, but it's more invasive and complicated than we like to admit. The Devil has made the Truth about gluttony conveniently opaque and I know I don't love examining it.

*Giggle* "Wait until you see my secret Twizzler drawer!"

Gluttony comes disguised in a myriad of ways (of all of which I am guilty):

• Food, thinking about food, planning for the next meal's food as you're still finishing the bite of this meal, thinking about how you wish you weren't thinking about food, eating food, eating more food, food, food, food.
• Instagram (et al) and digesting as much of other's lives as you can with your neck positioned in a tilted L shape.
• Gossip and indulging in constantly criticizing others.
• Research and unbridled Google searching for answers. I constantly search for answers to medical issues, reasons for why "it must be harder for me than everyone else," and other topics about which I would rather read than take action.
• Working (day job and other hobbies that earn recognition) to the extent that it invades the more important Marian (vs Marthanese) aspects of life. Often this form of gluttony is motivated by seeking praise and promotion (or trophies, ribbons, medals, and other rewards for those swim meets and games kids are participating in on Sunday morning).
• "Freedom" and "finding yourself" - total farces. Simply put, "I was looking outside / as if love would ever want to hide / I'm finding I was wrong" (Matt Maher, Alive Again).

How many other forms of gluttony could we identify? Thousands, probably, because the Devil pushes us to excess in order to drown us in it, distracting us from God.

I could not do better than the padres of Catholic Stuff You Should Know in their episode, "Watchfulness and Addiction." Please go listen to it. 

I will paraphrase the part that broke the barrier for me and made me realize there was a better way to life: our bodies do not have a moral compass. Our minds need to be that moral voice for our bodies. For example, when we're feeling an emotion that typically encourages us to overeat, drink, or gossip to relieve that emotion, our mind has the control to take action and break the cycle. Our bodies will rebel after long periods of time developing that habit ("Hey, I thought this is what we do when X happens?!"), but our mind needs to be that voice of active reason. Our bodies are not in charge.

Unintentional Pain

"Are you guys EVER going to have kids? I mean, like, ever?!"

Words of a family friend with the pro-life intentions of being excited about young people starting to grow their family. Unfortunately, he said it to the wrong couple.

When I hear couples talk about wanting to travel, establish their career, and "get to know each other better" for several more years, I've always been tempted to judge them. 

Alright, I'm a sinner. I judge them. But I'm working on it.

Now I judge them with jealous frustration because they take for granted the idea that having kids is automatic and occurs exactly when YOU plan on it. Unfortunately, many Catholic and Christian friends are making the same assumptions about the ease of pregnancy just by asking a few simple questions.

I'm sure this aforementioned family friend (aided by some wedding alcohol) was thinking we were among that number of millennials who have been avoiding kids like the plague, armed with condoms and birth control pills. We're not.

I've debated how to address this in a blog post that few, if any, will ever read. I know how unrealistic and childish it is to think announcing NUNYA will be effective. Additionally, while it is nunya, I want people to learn that your words may be misleading to their hearers. 

When someone asks me, "Do you have kids?", I answer, "God hasn't blessed us yet."  Rather than forbidding my readers from asking the many versions of "Where in the heck are the kids?!" that we've heard over the years, I want to request you express your curiosity differently. Try:

"Has God blessed you with kids yet?"

While I'll no better relish answering, "No," to that question, I'll appreciate that you recognize that life is a miracle, not a given.

I feel confident God will bless us, either biologically or through adoption. While I'm working on getting a handle on my patience with that, please help guard the hearts of other couples who wish they could answer your queries, "YES!! GOD IS SO GOOD! We expect our bundle of joy soon!"

Gesture of Peace

Here we go again. Couple in front of me, couple beside me, family behind me. Great. I picked my seat perfectly, AGAIN. Why can't some old widow sit next to me ONE of these days. Great. Here he goes, ready to spin everyone off into the arms of their spouses, girlfriends, fiances, moms/dads/people-who-love-them-enough-to-join-them-at-Mass. Great. Another reminder that I'm single and here alone. I love this.

This may or may not have been an inner dialogue of my own several years ago. Going to Mass by yourself can hurt. Often, it can hurt so much that you A) stop going to Mass all together, B) stop going to one parish and "church hop," therefore preventing yourself from becoming established in one place, or C) get mad at God for keeping you in this state of limbo.

My compassionate, wonderful husband has always made it his mission to include people. So many of his friends are those who he met because he was reaching out to them when they were the new kid or were in need of someone to reach out to them. It's one of my favorite things about my BFF/husband.

This holy husband of mine introduced me to this practice with which I'm about to challenge you: if you are lucky enough to go to Mass with someone (spouse, significant other, friend, family, anyone), don't offer them the gesture of peace until after you've offered it to all of those around you. There is bound to be someone near you who is dreading the gesture of peace because they know they'll have those 24 seconds alone, watching everyone else remind them that they came alone. 

We are a community. Build it and reach out to those who came to gather. Your Mass partner isn't going anywhere. This is one small way I believe we can strengthen the Church.

Buttons

This will be my last post on same-sex marriage and same-sex parenthood for a while. It will be harder to assert that this is not my number one issue if I keep writing about it, but I thought double-dipping posts by sharing papers I had to write for class fit right into my busy schedule!

Here was my most recent assignment description:

You will be given a button that says “Support Gay Rights.” You decide whether you will wear the button or not, it is up to you. Regardless, you will write a one page paper describing your decision of whether or not to wear the button and how that affected you. How did people react to the button? Were there some times that you felt more comfortable wearing the button? What does this say about how gay people may feel? Reflect on what the button means to you. If you do not know what “Gay Rights” are, how can you find out?

Notice how they pointed out that "gay rights," as they have defined it, are factual, definable rights that I could go look up somewhere rather than showing openness for discussion.

And my reflection:

The button, minus the
"Support Gay Rights" caption

I chose not to wear the button. To prevent myself from forgetting to return the button, I never actually took one to begin with.

This issue is divisive on a number of levels, as our conversations and the film we watched have shown. The film focused on the idea that those who oppose changing the definition of marriage to include same sex marriage get their arguments from the Bible.

I’m here to object to that stereotype, as I have reasons beyond the ones proposed in the film that oppose gay marriage and the adoption of children that often follows. As someone who will be married in about a month, I will point out that I don’t consider marriage a “right” or something that I’m entitled to just because I’m in love with someone of the opposite sex.

Marriage is a foundational building block of our society, as well as virtually every society (non-Judeo-Christian and Judeo-Christian, alike) that has formed in our world. Men and women exist on this Earth as counterpart human beings, not just because of their sexual organs and typical attraction to each other, but because of their biological attributes that complement each other. True, one reason that marriage exists and that the government recognizes it with so many tax and other benefits, is because most marriage unions result in bringing children into the world and into our society.

“Homosexual relationships do nothing to serve the state interest of propagating society, so there is no reason to grant them the costly benefits of marriage,” wrote atheist Adam Kolasinksi. My fellow students may argue that lesbian unions can result in children through artificial insemination. Not only do I believe that removes the beauty of what sex was intended to be from the act of creating a child, but the argument fails to address the fact that we have seen ample evidence to support the need for both a male and female parental unit (anecdotally, David Popenoe's Life Without Father presents a clear message on this topic).

I wish someone would answer the question why free birth control and increased access to abortion are so often supported with the argument that they aim to prevent the increase in single parent homes. There is so much research to support the benefit of a two-parent, dual gender role home in the context of the alternative of a single parent home, but the same doesn’t apply when the topic of same sex marriage and same sex adoption arises.

This is the most comprehensive study to date on the subject of same sex parenthood. It clearly shows that adults 18-39 who grew up in same-sex parent homes have an increased likelihood of smoking, getting arrested, pleading guilty, being on public assistance, being unemployed, to have recently thought about suicide (and many other things), and are less likely to have perceived themselves safe or secure as a child than those who were raised in an "intact" traditional mother-father parent family. 

From the above-linked study

There is probably a greater percentage of people who support same-sex marriage separately from same-sex parenthood and who may even oppose same-sex parenthood for the aforementioned reasons. However, I would pose the question about why that is. Why oppose same-sex parenthood for one reason, but support the institution of marriage to extend to include the very relationship you condone as less than healthy for children?

It’s a rich issue that is open to a lot of discussion, albeit unfortunately divisive discussion. The only “reaction” I can report is that which I faced when I shared with my shoulder partners in class about why I would not wear the pin.

I understand that this is the currently popular position and that my fellow classmates hear the word “rights” and throw their hands up in salute so as not to stand in someone else’s way of social justice. However, I argue that the “right” to marry not only does not extend to same sex couples, but also to three people who want to get married to each other.

Dear college students, Quick Takes 2

*1*

Wow, a whole year has gone by since my last "Dear College Students" advice spew-age and this time I have some new on-campus experience to back me up! This week was my first week of classes in three and a half years and I'm loving it all over again! It has prompted a whole new list of advice (it's a compulsion), so for those college students out there, this one is for you:

Phones - Oh my gosh. When I was in college, smartphones were extremely rare and very expensive. Few people had them. Yes, there would be a lot of texting and talking going on during the daily class commute, but good grief, nothing like I'm seeing on my campus now. PLEASE, just put your phone away. You will never have the opportunity to see as many people your age on a daily basis as you do in college and you're spoiling it for yourself by permanently positioning your head downward, flicking through Facebook, Words with Friends, and the weather (or whatever y'all are doing on there).

Headphones - I repeat: You will never have the opportunity to see as many people your age on a daily basis as you do in college. You can listen to music when you're doing your homework or when you're by yourself. Can't you just pay attention to the people around you during your walk? I understand some people are anxious and need to calm down with some tunes, but I suggest you'd be less anxious if you gave your mind some quiet time and absorbed your surroundings.

*2*

Smile - This is in-line with the prior nuggets of advice. Once you have mastered storing your phone and your iPod in your bag, notice how many people you're passing along the way. This is not high school anymore. It's OKAY to be friendly and to make people around you feel good and welcome! Smile at the passersby, say hello, wish someone a good morning, all because you CAN. I can't stress this enough: the real world doesn't often bring you into contact with as many strangers as you see in college. Revel in it!

*3*

Date dorks - I don't mean the term "dork" as an insult. It's quite the opposite! I love "dorks" and they are SO much more worthy of your time than the other (two word) phrase that begins with a D and ends with a G. In the last week, I have passed by so many potential two-words (yes, I judged them) and overheard some tales of their conquests. I've also passed by many "dorks" and I am here to tell you THOSE are the guys you want. THOSE are the ones who will respect you and be there for you (generally). Give THOSE guys a chance.

*4*

Trends - Feel free to ignore this one, as I am just about the least fashionable person on my current campus. I suggest not spending at ton of money on fashion trends. If it makes you feel better to be hip-shooby-do-hip-flip-city, by all means, spend $100 on a nice day dress you'll wear 3 times. Otherwise: no one cares if you're wearing something that is 'so last season,' at least not those who value who you really are. Treat yourself, sure! But don't go broke in the process.

*5*

Take the stairs - Plan ahead and make it a habit to take the stairs. I have walked about 20 miles in the last week, no joke. Ask me how much I walked on a weekly average during the last three years in the work force. The answer is closer to 20 meters. Enjoy this time in your life where you use your body as more than a mode of transport for your brain from the desk to the water cooler. If you make it a habit to take the stairs and walk when you can now, perhaps you'll hang onto that when you go into the workforce. 

Side note: when college students go into the workforce, they typically start gaining a few pounds, likely because they transition from walking everywhere to sitting at a desk 8 hours a day. Think ahead.

*6*

Just do it - My parents were extremely gracious to pay for my undergraduate education. I never realized the value of it, but I have a better grasp on that now. It's worth about $100 an hour in the classroom, everyday for a whole semester. Now that I'm paying for my own degree, you better believe I'm going to class with walking pneumonia. Snooze button? You're joking me. I call that the weakness button. The button for those who don't mind flushing their money and time down the toilet.

Just do your work. You have a spare hour, reread your notes. It's a rainy Saturday night and you're too tired to go out, get ahead on your paper due in two weeks. You have an awkward hour and thirty minutes between classes, spend your time looking over the syllabus and planning out when you're going to do which assignments on what day. Just do it. That's your job. It's a sign of true gratitude to your parents, if you're fortunate enough to have parents who are paying your tuition, and it's a sign of non-stupidity, if you're like me and saved up for three years just to empty your bank account for your education.

*7*

Get involved - Let me let you in on a little secret: you're not that busy.

How many hours per day are you in class? Three hours one day? Six hours on a really bad day? Ask your dad how many hours he's working his day job. Then ask him how many hours he "works" as a dad, taking care of your family. Then ask him what weekend activities he's involved in. Finally, ask him what he does in his spare time.

The majority of your time is spare time, I'm sorry to say. I know you're spending a lot of time walking, in class, studying, and fostering relationships. That's beautiful! That's what you're supposed to be doing at your age and stage of life! But don't stop there! Get involved with a club or three. Go to campus events. Meet the people in your class and ask them to join you for coffee. SPEND your time rather than letting it go by unaccounted for.

I want to offer a big plug for getting involved in your Catholic campus ministry club. Yes, it will be awkward to introduce yourself to new people and you may be intimidated by people who seem holier for you, but it's like choosing the stairs over the elevator: healthy choices beget healthy souls.

This is the time you've been waiting for and it's the first step toward a great new world! Make these habits now!

Holmes is Home!

Katie Holmes is a Bright Maiden once again!

Barring any creeping skepticism about who signed her up to her new parish in New York City, her publicist or herself, we Bright Maidens are glad to once again see a sister in Christ return to His Church!

When I posted this article about Katie's return to the Church, a few people spoke up and seemed to focus on the description of St. Francis Xavier in NYC, noting that the article mentioned it is "known for inclusive thinking and its welcoming of many gay and lesbian Catholics."

St. Francis Xavier Catholic Church, NYC

The folks commenting on the Bright Maidens post had good intentions, I'm sure, as the Church teaches against people practicing gay and lesbian lifestyles. The Church does not, however, teach that same sex attraction is a myth. The Church teaches that there may be people with same sex attraction, but just as single people without same sex attraction should practice celibate, chaste lifestyles, so should those with same sex attraction.

As you can probably tell, I was slightly upset by some of the "too bad she picked the wrong church" comments because another BIG FAT teaching of the Church is to be loving and welcoming. If we look at the mission statement from St. Francis Xavier's website instead of the interpretation from the HuffPo author, we read that the parish “strives to be a prophetic, welcoming community, inclusive witness to the presence of Christ Jesus in our midst.”

Uh, that sounds right to me. Of course, we could choose to read into this and believe the church also affirms same sex attraction-indulging lifestyles, which isn't beneficial to the whole person trying to follow Christ. That would be wrong. However, it is correct to welcome everyone.

And I argue that jumping to the "well, yes, she joined the Church again, but she picked a liberal one," is the exact wrong way to welcome anyone back.

Rant over. Carry on.

Marx Sisters

SAHM vs. WOOTHM

The Mother's Dilemma by Julie at The Corner with a View
On Motherhood by Trista at Not a Minx, a Moron, or a Parasite

Marx Sisters by Elizabeth at Startling the Day

The "Bright Maidens" were originally three from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. Now, we all take up the cross to dispel the myths and misconceptions. Welcome!

I have the typical, boring opinion on the question of "Should moms stay at home or work outside of the home?" Just like some women are called to a single vocation, some are called to the religious life, and some are called to married life, I believe we are called to contribute to our families in different ways.

Of course, I still believe we are biologically better-equipped for some duties within a marital household, namely those related to bearing and raising children, but men have a great importance in that area as well.

La dee dah, see? Boring and very politically correct.

So let's talk about Marxist Feminist theory instead.

Bigger, more skirt, please.

I've watched six episodes of "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding" in the last two weeks. These people fascinate me and before I write you a dissertation about them, I'll to focus on their strict adherence to traditional family roles. Women marry quite young, some as young as sixteen, and enter a life similar to every "traveller" wife: one centered on taking care of the husband, cooking, child-rearing, and extensive cleaning.

Seriously, these women put sponge to every surface of their homes, everyday. I've never seen anything like it.

Their husbands earn the money, have a lot of fun at pubs, and, in their words, "own" their wives. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and anthropologically point out that we do not have a full understanding of their culture in order to call this regressive or stunted. It's vital we also point out how extremely rare divorce is in their culture.

Marxist Feminist theory feels responsible for sticking up for women after centuries of what its troubadours believe to be wrongful oppression based on societal structure (rather than any relation to biology). This theory holds that a patriarchal, capitalist society demeans women because it enslaves them in the home to perform duties for free that men would otherwise have to hire employees to complete.

Old-timey headache

Marxist Feminists believe women are not properly compensated for the traditional roles they hold, so its supporters believe that as many inequalities between men and women should be flattened out as possible. In other words, it seems these theorists would be at least partially happy to see women receive salaries from their husbands, appropriate for the work they do in the home.

Call me crazy, but that sounds like capitalism more than Marxism.

Here, Marxists try to explain, in capitalist vocabulary, their belief that a lower value is placed on a woman's day than a man's and the translation is muddled.

The lasting issue with this theory is that it discourages women from entering a lifestyle Marxist Feminists define as the poorly-valued role, a stay at home mother. Marxist Feminist theory states that, no, it was the  patriarchal, capitalist society that shaped the role to be lower.

However, because the Marxist theory presents no alternative, they shame women away from being stay at home mothers, lest these women accept a shameful label of settling for a regressive lifestyle.

If a card-carrying Marxist Feminist could get their hands on one of these gypsy girls before walking down the aisle in her teens, he or she would try to convince the bride that her life can have more meaning in the eyes of the men of this world. If she could just NOT perform the slave duties thrust upon her as a wife and stay at home, cleaning, cooking mother, she could be much happier and more highly-valued.

Apart from the point that some of these women really do want to live their vocation in the traditional way, perhaps the young bride would have sense enough to point out the unspoken enslavement of the crazed person trying to shake her into the 21st century.

If you're doing something to spite someone else or to be seen as more valuable in the eyes of a society, who's the real slave?

Don't step on the crack, you'll break your mother's back

How to convince someone to be pro-choice. Or better yet, how to convince someone to be pro-abortion:

Get them addicted to crack.

Consequently, crack numbs their value of life over death by making fuzzy that line between reality and their next high. This allows them to see murder in a justified light, if the chips fall in your favor.

No, not all abortion advocates rode the train to Pro-Choice Town by smoking a rock. But their mindsets are similar and they both reached the not-so-equilibrium of murder on their terms. This is the crux of the pro-choice argument. If someone feels it's okay to murder their baby, then it should be okay.

I watched "The Fighter" the other day and was blown away by the performances. Producer Mark Wahlberg is a daily Mass, Latin Mass Catholic who generously funds the Church and programs in his hometown. Though many of you know that, it's a surprise to others considering the number of F-bombs dropped in each of his productions. He knows what he's doing, you'll see.

Christian Bale's performance, in particular, really drove home the character of a crack-addicted, family man who selfishly fools his mother into believing he's still her little boy even after he spends two weeks in a crack house, high as a kite.

Click to watch the documentary, "High on Crack Street." Viewer discretion advised.

I was so fascinated by the idea of gangs of people who do nothing but work toward their next fix, either by stealing, prostitution, or get-rich-quick schemes, that I found the documentary portrayed in the Hollywood version of this true life story. The Wahlberg film showed an HBO film crew following around the older brother of Mark Wahlberg's boxer character. It turns out this HBO flick was a special on the effect of crack cocaine on a small town and its inhabitants on a community and an individual level.

I couldn't resist finding and watching the documentary that same night. It was like watching a turtle take the first few steps toward a busy highway. I could follow the patterns, see the monotonous progression, and witness the determination of these folks to spend their lives getting high, but I could also see where they were headed. These addicts couldn't hear the oncoming cars over the call of the pipe.

Three of the most conversely pro-life moments I have ever witnessed in my life stood out (minute 10:25 through 13:55; and 34:22 through 36:31; and 37:11 through 39:25).

One woman, Brenda, who speaks as if she's a sociologist explaining the habitat of the addicts seconds before taking a drag on her homemade crack pipe, turned to prostitution to pay for her habit. Her strange, sexual business partners opt for "safe sex," but the man who loves her (and his crack pipe and dirty needles) doesn't like condoms. She gets pregnant and states that it is time for an abortion.

How do you convince someone to be pro-life?

Let them watch a 20-year-addicted, toothless woman breakdown her confidence in her "right-to-choose" as a trigger for the memory of her first abortion. Her mother forced her to have an abortion as  a 15-year-old and Brenda sobbed about her intense emotional pain, dealing with the fact that she "murdered her baby." Continue reading at IGNITUM TODAY.

Alpha Delta Upsilon Lambda Tau

Admonishing the Sinner

Julie at The Corner with a View
Trista at Not a Minx, a Moron, or a Parasite

Elizabeth at Startling the Day

The "Bright Maidens" were originally three from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. Now, we all take up the cross to dispel the myths and misconceptions. Welcome!

I hate this one. I hate it because I've been admonished for things in the past.

At which point in our lives have we been admonished most often for our sin? Childhood.

And we're all under the false impression that onset at age 14 or so that we're past a "stage" of being admonished. Graduating to the next stage is like being inducted into a life fraternity:

"Welcome to the club, fellow adult. Now that you're one of us, follow our lead, turn around and give those younger folks a piece of your mind. This is how it works."

By virtue of having more birthdays or making a few responsible life choices, we feel we've crossed a divide and so unwarranted advice or admonishments fall on adultified, deaf ears.

Beyond the Huckleberry Finn, pseudo-adulthood syndrome from which we all suffer, we get defensive when someone admonishes us.

If my sister calls me out on gossiping, I am ready with a quick retort about how I've heard her gossiping, cussing, maliciously hiding small mousetraps in the cereal boxes, or putting salt in the sugar jar. Don't you dare tell me I'm doing something wrong when I can easily find dozens of things YOU do wrong. So there.

Both of these mindsets, wolves in sheep's clothing, sound pretty childish when written out. See? I'm admonishing myself right now. The truly Adult Club way of handling an admonishing situation is to take a deep breath, ask myself if the person point out my faults might be right, as annoying as that might be, and correcting my behavior.

Often the only people who feel comfortable admonishing us also Love us -- which, as any Peter Pan can tell you, makes it all the more annoying and hard to hear. However, in Loving us, they also wish us to be better. That's a valiant truth about relationships, adult or otherwise.

When it comes to admonishing those who don't know that well or stepping out of our comfort zone to admonish others on more serious sins, we listen to the Holy Spirit. A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself if your actions are "Loving," one way or another.

Would it be Loving of me to yell out across the road to the pro-choicers standing and holding their signs in front of an abortion clinic that they are advocating for murder of innocent babies? Would that do more harm than good? Should I engage in a dialogue with them, instead?

I venture to determine that, in most cases, the Holy Spirit, wouldn't ask someone to use hurtful, loud words in this situation. It might depend on the personality of the "admonisher" on how exactly to handle a situation like this, but that the Holy Spirit would assuredly ask us to be Loving in our actions.

As an active member of Alpha Delta Upsilon Lambda Tau, I vow to try to remember the Holy Spirit is the real helper in these moments. God will give me the grace to handle them the way He wishes, both when receiving and dolling out the admonishments.

It's my job to remain like a child.

Our bleeding hearts

For the first time in 2012, I'm posting over at IGNITUM TODAY:

"Do you think they want to die? Tell me, do you think the people training the suicide bombers want to die? Do you? Do you think they want to die?”

The inquisitor exacerbated his vile prodding by point his finger a few inches from my face. Such are the consequences we face by standing up for our faith in this country.

Last week I travelled to the 2012 Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) for my job. I was charged with standing by our booth display, meeting and greeting as many people as possible, and passing out free swag.

It was invigorating to meet so many new people in four days, but exhausting to let my head back in the political banter realm I’ve been avoiding for more than a year.

Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, and Mitt Romney spoke at this 12,000+ attendee conference, spouting about conservative values and carefully reserving more folks for their niche of supporters through careful speechwriting. Many Catholic bloggers out here have thrown their support behind one candidate or another, as if voting for any of them would come without conscience reservations at the ballot box.

As seen at CPAC - seriously.

For this reason, and for a simple and juvenile refusal to accept that this is the best we can do, I have gone on a light political fast. However, “tabling” at this event, swarming with frustrated and energized conservatives, put a temporary end to my poli-diet. CPAC week was a steady build up of anxiety in reaction to the constant complaints about Obama, the loyalty to the firearm, and the debates between sticker-wielding supporters of Romney, Newt, and Santorum.

I found myself in the tough position of agreeing with many talking points being passed around, but strongly disagreeing with so many others. I'm Catholic, not R, D, or L.

All-in-all it started to wear on me.

Read about it here...

What I feel like when I run, 7QT, Volume 52

Visit ConversionDiary.com for more!

*1*

I am SO PROUD to announce that my brilliant beau is now a certified Professional Engineer! He is now known as Prince Charming, PE.

After a long, long, long two month stint of 200 pounds of engineering books, hours in a review classroom, and an eight-hour, butt-numbing test... not to mention the two month wait, he received his scores!

What a champion. I knew it!

*2*

His view from the stage

You know when you walk out of a great movie, hear a mind-blowing homily, or go to a comedy show and you can't remember ANYTHING said? I know how you feel.

But I have to assume Jerry Seinfeld was hilarious last week when I saw him in Richmond because I woke up with sore abs and a tight jaw. My dimples were aching.

He doesn't go to very many places when he tours for his comedy show, but he always seems to stop in Richmond at our Landmark Theatre (the Mosque, as we call it). Thank you, Jerry, for keeping it clean, for pointing out the nuances we all think about but can never articulate, and for entertaining me in my very own city!

*3*

About 5 minutes before their flirty snowball fight

My sister and I agreed, independently, that Beauty and the Beast is in great want of a five minute scene of Belle and the Beast falling in Love.

Brief synopsis covering about 15 minutes of the movie:

• Belle finds her father in a dungeon
• Beast takes Belle prisoner instead of father
• Belle escapes, Beast finds her and fends off wolves
• Belle and Beast are in love

Maybe I'm doing this wrong, but it doesn't work that way for me.

Speaking of Disney movies that don't portray Love accurately, I created a new pinboard and I think the ladies out there might enjoy it.

*4*

RunPee.com. Nuff said.

I just learned about this incredibly efficient use of the Internet and other people's time to save your bladder and prevent you from wasting your $46 on a movie ticket. Brilliant.

*5*

Speaking of running... Kayla of The Alluring World and Emily of A Day in the Life and I are on a team. We're virtual running buddies, motivating each other from afar to run and get into shape for our respective races.

I have a 10K run to look forward to on March 31, so if you could file away your prayers a little prematurely, me and my poor muscles would greatly appreciate it.

I ran this race last year, but I'm going to run it without stopping this year. I'm promising myself, and I never back down on a self-promise. The first line in my post from last year's race is:

"Oh man, y'all. I rediscovered something about myself: I am not a runner."

That will change, my friends. Care to join Kayla, Emily, and me?

*6*

After my accidental weeks-long break from blogging due to busyness, I think I made up for it this week with perhaps too many posts!

Our Deepest Fear - A short one that includes a quote that has been a necessary reminder for several years.

Chastity Carnal-val - I enjoy puns about chastity.

Carrying Baby Jesus into Christmas Mass - A call to action for all of us!

Lime spelled backwards - On the anniversary of my Emil Daddy's death

*7*

The Bright Maidens came back strong this week! I hope you didn't notice me skip out on the last one... if you didn't, I'm telling you now.

This week we "reviewed" TLC's new "reality" The Virgin Diaries. I enjoyed the responses, I hope you do too:

Mine, "Chastity Carnal-val"
Julie, "Kiss the Girl!"
Trista, "The Absolutely True Diary of a Virgin"

Katie, "Virgin 'Diaries'" - The woman behind the topic idea.
Alicia, "Virgin is the New Mermaid"
Beth Anne, "Virgin Diaries Review"
Sarah, "Unicorns in Our Midst: 21st Century Virgins"

Chastity Carnal-val

Review: The Virgin Diaries on TLC

"Kiss the Girl!" by Julie at The Corner with a View
"The Absolutely True Diary of a Virgin" by Trista at Not a Minx, a Moron, or a Parasite

"Chastity Carnal-val" by Elizabeth at Startling the Day

The "Bright Maidens" were originally three from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. Now, we all take up the cross to dispel the myths and misconceptions. Welcome!

The greatest on-screen defense of chastity I've seen was in episode 12, season 4 of House, MD. The episode featured a Hasidic Jewish bride who collapsed at her wedding. The Hasidic duo were unable to consummate the marriage due to medical tests and certainly had not touched prior to their wedding day.

At one point, the bride was in shorts and a tank top for a medical test and her new husband said he needed to respect her and look away while she was in such a state. He said he imagines his wife thought the first time he would see her "bare" would be in the bedroom, "celebrating their marriage."

A doctor politely said, "Given the circumstances, I'm sure Roz would sacrifice her modesty to have you with her." To which the new groom replied:

"Please, don't do that...You think it's sweet that I care for her modesty, but that it's archaic and ultimately irrelevant. Our traditions aren't just blind rituals. They mean something, they have purpose. I respect my wife. And I respect her body."

I'd much rather see more bows in respect for those values in secular television shows than the spectacle of "Virgin Diaries," which looks like a carnival for unsexed folks.

Let's be honest, because I'm a virgin who hopes more people might find fulfillment in chastity, I'm going to be defensive about a "reality show" on a cable network showcasing virgins.

Another showcase: My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding show

I admit, as I've never been all of the way on the other side of the "aisle" on this topic, my opinion is tainted. However, if we can rely on statistics as a guide, the opinions of the producers, feature reporters and much of the laughing audience are also tainted.

To clarify: I'm not condemning those who don't choose a chaste lifestyle. Believe me, I don't always get it right, and it would be wrong to think I could ever know anyone else's mindset or situation.

How easy it is to get fired up over this television show. Watching the commentary and talk show hosts banter on about it makes it obvious that this country, and probably the world, seems to think the people in this show are to be giggled at.

"If it's half as good as the promo, I think they have a very big hit on their hands," said Jimmy Kimmel.

Bingo. It's a hit. The unbearably uncomfortable few seconds of first kiss footage were a producer’s dream!

Just like the iPad solved the chunky laptop problem for a moment and Blueray raises the standard for home movies, someone came along with an idea for a new television show to attract audiences.

Why do people like to watch the Jersey Shore? Because they are outliers to the rest of us who don't know what that world is like. The concept of choosing (or not successfully pursuing) a premarital sex life is as bizarre to most Americans as the frosted-tip-orange-skin-rude-behavior lifestyle is to me.

We could be the virgin version of these fine people

Being a virgin after the first semester of college is a mythical lifestyle.

I have not seen an episode of the show all the way through, but I've watched the TLC-made promotional videos and the episode teasers. In one, we see the couple walking hand-in-hand, discussing the process of their wedding night, from wedding attire, step-by-step until they consummate their marriage, intermittently cut between scenes of them on a see-saw.

Please, TLC. I know you've hit network gold with this foreign concept, but handle it with a little professionalism and intelligence. See-saw?

If I put myself in the shoes of those who find the concept laughable, I can understand their grinning quips about how the newlyweds “can't keep their hands off each other” after the exchange of vows. However, if I may put my cynicism hat on, this reaction shows that it is hard to believe this show can ever be a helpful tool for those who want to share about the benefits of chastity.

We virgins who choose to abstain before marriage aren’t simply “keeping our hands off each other” -- it’s just too hard to do so blindly, especially in the twenty-first century. I know I'm trying to make a gift of myself in the most intimate way possible, to one man. Alice von Hildebrand calls it the "intimate sphere," because the terms "sex" and "making Love" have lost impact.

When I think about how supremely personal the "intimate sphere" will be, I can't imagine why these two virgins would volunteer a camera to document the final weeks and moments leading up to it, leaving the interpretation of an innocent jaunt on a see-saw to the editors.

I guess it's still up to those in the trenches to spread the message, via grassroots.

Half an idiom is wanting

I'm in a British mood. I'm currently obsessed with a new television show, and no, it's not Canadian. It's British and brilliant. As I seem to have a struggle finding time for poignant posts that fit the original intent for this blog, I will share with you a fun one.

Maggie Smith is quite British.

There is much to be thankful for with the English language. We are so blessed with synonyms that we could potentially create 78,990 versions of one ten-word-long sentence, without repeating key vocables. Or locutions, or morphemes, if you prefer.

However, I often weep for the English language, at the same time I torture it. We're losing the ability to exchange intelligent thoughts, I fear. In looking for shorter, newer ways of speaking, we've lost a more eloquent tongue. One of the casualties of this slow murder has been the loss of significance in our idioms.

Here are several idioms that the show "Downton Abbey" uses in their entirety. You will probably recognize them, but you might not know they were longer than the version we throw around each day. Enjoy!

• There are more fish in the sea than ever came out of it. - When one of the characters used this in the TV show, it was the first time I realized the phrase didn't stop with "there are more fish in the sea." With the tail (pun) at the end of the idiom, it's more specific, as it refers to the fisher (usually someone looking for a love) who might catch two or three fish (love-ees). This serves as a reminder that not only are there more fish out there to "catch" but that you haven't done a relative amount of fishing to find them. I won't comment on how that agrees or disagrees with TOB...

• Shipshape and ready in Bristol fashion. - How FUN IS THIS IDIOM!? Try saying it with a British accent. Fun, right?! Bristol has been a prominent seaport town in the UK for centuries, though it is on a estuary river instead of at the coast. Therefore, the ships that came to Bristol had to be prepared to sit on dry land sturdily -- with carefully stowed goods-- as low tide went out (or came in, depending on if you're an English professor) each day. This phrase is a merge of two: ship-shape, which means just what it sounds like and has been used since the 17th century, and "in Bristol fashion" from the early 19th century.

• You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. - You cannot make a good quality product using bad quality materials. Because I never really paid attention to this and just made my own guess for what it meant, I absentmindedly took this phrase to mean something similar to "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade." Funny how I had that backwards.... When life hands you lemons, go shopping for better quality fruit, so they say.

• A drowning man will clutch at a straw. - I'm sure you know this idiom, or "grasping at straws," is used to describe the actions of someone in desperate situations. Its meaning comes from the former inference of "a straw" as it was once an accepted example to refer to anything flimsy or worthless, just as straw seems flimsy or worthless. So the language already had the word "straw" referring to anything worthless and we add the image of a drowning man clutch (derived from Wycliffe's 14th century English translation of 1 Timothy 6:12) at whatever might be able to prevent him from falling below the water, mix in several centuries and POOF we have "grasping at straws." Now you know what you're saying when you use that phrase!

• Three sheets to the wind. - I was so excited to learn that this idiom, used when someone is very drunk, is derived from the "sheets" or the ropes that hold the sails in place on a ship. If these are too loose, they are blown by strong wind, making the boat unsteady and resembling a drunkard. Jolly ho!

• One swallow doesn't make a summer. - One example or bit of proof doesn't make a pattern or truth. From Richard Taverner's transcription of the [Latin] proverbs of Erasmus - Prouerbes or adagies with newe addicions, gathered out of the Chiliades of Erasmus, 1539: "It is not one swalowe that bryngeth in somer. It is not one good qualitie that maketh a man good." And we thought we invented symbolism and imagery!

• The best-laid schemes of mice and men go oft awry. - Tickle me pink to learn this is the whole phrase that we lopped off into two! It's directly from the Scotsman Robert Burns' poem "To a Mouse:" "The best laid schemes o' mice an' men / Gang aft agley." Gang aft agley, as you will have to trust me, means "go oft awry," or "often go awry." Just as we shorten idioms to "When in Rome," here we see that people can quickly use "best-laid plans!" as a quip to bring our fellow men and women to the trough for a taste of sweet, sweet humility. Other times, people tend to throw around "of mice and men," methinks carelessly and in a way that doesn't seem to fit with the origin. However, "the best-laid schemes!"

• The darkest hour is just before the dawn. - A character from Downton Abbey used this phrase and followed it with, "But the dawn always comes." I've more often heard the intro to this phrase, "darkest hour," used as if it stands alone. I prefer knowing the entirety, because it packs in optimism while leaving it to the negative half of the equation suspends negativity indefinitely. That's the last thing our world needs.

• The proof of the pudding is in the eating. - "The proof is in the pudding."  What?! "The proof is in the pudding" made me think of some piece of key evidence -- a credit card receipt, a murder weapon, or my little sister's neglected green beans -- swimming around at the bottom of the pudding bowl. I chalked it up (probably another misused idiom) to the goofy English language and moved on. Now I know that "proof" means "test," in this example (as we know we only get proof as a result of a test). This proverb can be traced back to the 14th century and basically means what it seems after we replace proof with test: until you have experienced something and done everything to learn as much as possible about it, you can't know its value.

• The exception that proves the rule. - This never made any sense. Here again we need to remember that "proof" is the result of a test, so replace "proves" in the phrase. The phrase was intended to convey, "The exception demonstrates that the rule exists." It comes from latin legalese, circa 17th century: "Exceptio probat regulam in casibus non exceptis," or "exception confirms the rule in the cases not excepted."

Most of my information explaining the idioms comes from here. Check out more of them!

Neither parties will do OUR job

I had great plans for this post. I was going to stealthily tip toe between the nail-biting subject of politics and the clearer world of Catholicism to argue what you already know: Catholics don't have a party.

Both Democrats and Republicans should check themselves against morals. The political right in the Church have to avoid harmful selfishness, warmongering, and supporting murder through the death penalty and euthanasia. The political left in the church have to avoid creating too much power for the secularized government and avoid supporting abortions, euthanasia, and other non-negotiable beliefs by association.

As I am a recovering politicaholic, I have tried hard to avoid the subject of politics and elections on this blog, other than on an issues basis. This post was going to climb over that wall I built and offer the reader a hand to see both sides. Like I said, I had great plans.

The talented and insightful Anna Williams has done a much better job than I could have done and I would rather just point you to her for your political feast:

In pursuit of Catholic politics at VirtuousPla.net.

Politics are a tricky business, even trickier for a Catholic. Anna reminds us that our Catholic faith encompasses our entire life, not just the parts outside of the voting booth.

Now I must go off and guide where the rubber meets the road: it's off to the voting booths for me. Lord, please guide my thoughts, so that I may cast my tiny vote in a way that helps and does not harm my community.

Cathdudes, we need you

I told you I'd be back and I think this week proves it. I feel compelled to apologize for the blogging overload, but then I immediately say to myself, "HEY, you are back in the groove. Apologize not for your grooviness." Then I wonder why I talk like Yoda when I talk to myself.

I'm over at VirtuousPla.net today, pointing a big ol' finger at the men in this world. Yes, YOU! Bonus: I doctored a Superman photo and created SuperCathDude, complete with Vatican symbol on the chest. Glory! -- UPDATE: The links are fixed now.

Calling all young men with a blossoming Love for Christ! Your time has come, brothers. You have been called up.

"It is my wish, then, that in every place the men should pray, lifting up holy hands, without anger or argument." - 1 Timothy 2:8

We need you and your manliness to take one for the team and be Catholic dudes. Step out of the blogosphere every day and be Catholic dudes for lost and struggling dudes.

Abs-olution of steel!

We need men to step up unabashedly and show us why even the best examples of men in the media fall short of what we deserve and what our world deserves. Yes, we’re human, but that doesn’t mean we should aim to eat from the dumpster when there’s a feast waiting in heaven (source: Jason Evert).


Barney from How I Met Your Mother: Please, men, show us how satirical this terrible example is for men. Show us how his hyperbolic “player” ways are insulting to men and women alike every time he tricks a woman into going home with him and proceeds to talk about it like he won a little league trophy.


Gibbs from NCIS: Believe me, I am definitely a fan of this man and his stoic heroism, but he’s not the best male figure on TV. He got married three times after his true love, his first wife, was murdered. He avenged the murders of his wife and daughter in a brutal, execution-style sniping. This man takes morality into his own hands, following his own rule book. Men, we need you to show us how affirming humility and vulnerability before your Father are.

Read more here...