How to write at letter to someone (you don't know) on a retreat

Years and years ago, I wrote a guide on How to Write a Letter to Someone on a Retreat. It has brought more search engine-arrived traffic to my blog than any other post, by far, and I hope it has been helpful.

As I was cleaning up the spam comments, I saw a real comment from someone suggesting I write a How-To on writing a letter to someone one doesn't know who is also on a retreat.

Super hipster photo by MILKOVÍ on Unsplash

This is a common act of service: writing a letter (palanca, as they are called in my circle) to someone on a retreat even when they are a stranger to you. When retreatants are given their packet of letters and they notice letters from people they've never met who are praying for them, they're further surrounded by the Body of Christ. It can been the source of transformation for someone who might not regularly feel that familial Love within the Church.

In my other post on writing retreat letters, I began with a series of questions to figure out how deep you want to go with the person to whom you're writing. Obviously, that's not a step we can take here. Instead, examine yourself and how you can authentically communicate what you know about Christ's message.

1. What's the likelihood that this person had to battle with the Evil One to make it to this retreat? Consider warning them that they might be going through complicated emotions and obstinate during the retreat because the devil doesn't want him or her there. This might help them feel a little relief over the battle going on inside and open their heart a little more.

2. What was your experience when you were on one of these retreats? Give them an anecdote, especially if it's a truthful one about how you didn't necessarily have that giant 'ah-ha' moment that everyone else seemed to feel. Encourage them that the journey to Faith isn't about the seen and the felt.

3. What works of mercy can they employ during the remainder of the retreat? Encourage them to reach out to someone they've never met before or to go on a hike when they really just want to lay on their bed. Challenge them to treat the retreat like a chance to do something differently. They can always go back to "normal" when they get home (little do they know that our Lord will always be working on them).

4. Are they journaling during their time? Enclose a blank piece of paper (and a pencil, if possible) and encourage them to write down some of their thoughts. Tell them that it's okay if the thoughts are rants or if they seem pointless. God can work with that.

5. Obviously, you have to keep this letter slightly general and one-sided, as you don't know this individual. Know that when I received letters during my retreats from people I didn't know, I was reminded about the Body of Christ. We are all in the Communion of Saints and I was privileged to know that someone cared enough about the Church (the people in it) to write to a stranger.

Things to remember:

• Less is more. Lots of words do not always mean more love. You can have a greater impact with carefully chosen, few words.
• Keep in mind that he or she is probably exhausted. Retreats can take it out of you, physically and spiritually. He or she may not know how he or she feels at that point. Assure them that's okay.
• He or she either learned new facts about the faith or are trying to convince himself or herself they haven't learned anything. Assure them that retreats affect people differently.
• The person to whom you are writing may disagree with or dislike something about the faith. Encourage them to ask questions of the priest, if you suspect this is the case. Remind them to remain calm and polite when doing this. Discussion is good, but hostility will produce skewed results.
• Quotes are used so often because smart people pack HUMONGOUS messages in succinct, profound nuggets. Before you start your letter, pick a few quotes or Bible verses that embody what you'd want to hear at a retreat. You may be surprised by what comes out of your pen without aid and may not need to use the quotes/verses... but it doesn't hurt to have them if you need them.

Lessons We ReReReReLearn

Don't you love the Back to the Future tribute band songs your mind and heart play every once in a while? Every so often I learn something (Praise God!) and then, like a trap door opening on a rickety stage, I drop like a stone, leaving that little cloud of previously learned knowledge floating 5'8" off the ground like a cartoon hat suspended in the air.

Wah.

Do you reinvent the wheel as many times as I do in your faith life? The devil knows just how to get me to fall for those old thought habits. As you can probably pick up from some of my latest posts about growing a family, I've been riding the struggle bus. I keep telling the driver to stop at dark and creepy spots along the bus line, though I've learned my lesson so many times and "know" to avoid them. "Knowledge is power" is a platitud-ious phrase that doesn't tell the whole story.

I can know so many of the things God has taught me, but without the faith to truly accept, apply to, and be patient with God about them in my life, that knowledge is bust. For example, I know God's timing is best. Yet, I keep falling for the Devil's whispers about how much I want to predict when and how our family will grow. In doing so, I'm neglecting to apply that knowledge and it is, therefore, useless to my fragile heart.

I learned this lesson yet again (and I'm praying I open my heart to let it "stick") throughout my day Friday, concluding in Adoration:

1. I spent four hours with four of my favorite children on the planet, trying on the role of Mom. My mind didn't go to pity town at all; I just loved them and realized God gives me so many opportunities to mother in my day.
2. On my way home from our adventures, I received word from a beautiful woman who I know to be similarly facing infertility. She told me God may have answered her prayers (pray for her please!) and my immediate reaction was thanksgiving for the tiny life. Next, I thought about how her pregnancy should turn me to Hope. God works. Period. And He does have a plan for me. Something will happen. In the meantime, I reopened my heart to hope by a crack. He works in a crack.
3. In adoration, I stumbled on the prayerful realization (again) that God's will will be done, whether or not I can be patient for it, so I might as well try to be patient. I have so many other gifts that are "salves" on the wound (kiddos, job, husband, faith life, art).
4. In adoration, I remembered and renewed a transformation prayer I had offered up a few months ago. Non-coincidentally, I offered up this prayer shortly before my latest paid admission for the struggle bus. He is answering my prayerful request for Him to radically transform my heart and life. Even though I know it's currently leading me through pain and suffering, I firmly resolve that I want Him to transform me. I want Him to make me whole, even if that means I have to learn in this way. It's oddly empowering and He's providing that opportunity for me to feel that way.

What lessons are you learning and relearning?

Whelmed?

"I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?" -Chastity from "10 Things I Hate About You"

I don't know, Chastity, but I know I'm not whelmed right now. I'm one of the others.  And I know this because I've been basically silent for the last two weeks.

Until yesterday. I had this misconception that I was a talented stress-curtailer. I thought I was Mrs. Pluck and that I was getting better at relying on God.

Long story short: I threw a temper tantrum yesterday when I realized I might have messed up my new teacher orientation schedule. As if I was watching from above I saw a crazy woman completely fall of her rocker in frustration with herself over something that I know is probably minor.

How do we fool ourselves like this? We think we are handling things efficiently and effectively. Look at me go! I am fully relying on God.

CRASH!

There are NO SOLUTIONS TO MY PROBLEMS!

Courtesy of Master isolated images/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It turns out that it wasn't the biggest deal in the world that I missed it.  In the middle of my tantrum I realized that my frustration was based on my feelings of what other people thought.  You'd imagine that fact would help calm me: nope.  I kept choosing anger and frustration at myself.

I offer no profound solutions for dealing with stress, what to do to rid yourself of stress, or how to recognize you're suffering from the overwhelming feeling in the background, except to say that the only thing that kept me from completely breaking down (though, whether or not I did is debatable) was the steadiness of my husband.  He listened, he was patient, he did everything he could help calm me down until last night he just said, "That's enough. You are not allowed to talk badly about yourself anymore. No more beating up on yourself. None. You're not allowed."

I know it was frustrating for him to see this woman he didn't know occupying his wife's body.  He stayed calm. He stayed supportive. He didn't blow it off or somehow tell me my concerns were invalid. He didn't call me silly and he didn't yell back at me.

Please be that person for someone the next time you are around a two-year-old adult. I really needed him (all the time) last night.

Elation Hibernation

The sun is coming out, the air is beginning to warm, birds talk to each other between the budding trees.

Hello, again.

Lately I have joked with a few friends and family members about what I call the Elation Hibernation.  Since getting married last spring, I have been fully aware of (and basking in) the Elation Hibernation I have been enjoying with my new husband.  It has been a necessary step in our relationship and in our vocation.

You can find a million places and people around the world who will give you their version of what the first year of marriage looks like.  My husband and I have gotten a continuum of responses, from "If you can make it through the first year, you'll be together forever," to "The first year is the honeymoon stage; just wait."  Boo, I say, to ye negative ninnies!

Hey bear, time to get up!

Image courtesy of Toa55 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Married life has gotten better and better everyday of this, our first year.  I love him more now than I did when I first realized I was falling for him, than I did when he surprised me by kneeling with my ring in hand, and than I did when I looked at him as if he was the only one in the room while I vowed to be his wife forever.  I have also spent more time with him than any human being on the planet since I was a baby attached at the hip to my mother for those first few months.

We have become expert chefs (in a few dishes), fit runners (well, he was already a ridiculous runner), committed workers (on both our marital choices and employment), movie-cuddlers, and explorers into each other's minds and habits.

I'm blessed with parents and parents-in-law who understand that my husband and I needed to learn about who we are as a family.  They generally wait for us to contact them, which, unlike has been my lifelong habit, means I don't talk to my family for days sometimes.  We are learning about our autonomy. It's a whole new step in the direction of adulthood (am I there yet?) that I didn't see coming.

Warning: ignoring the fact that you're hibernating can alienate you from the outside world.  I became aware of it (though I still delighted in our PJ and movie-watching evenings) and came up for air in the form of reconnecting with good friends.  I'm so grateful to have these friend and family who show us, every time we see them, that they understand with their outstretched arms and interest in our lives.

The next step, as any good sitcom will teach you, is to find great couple friends. We're blessed to have several already and we're working to spread the joy.  God has blessed our marriage with so much Grace that we've both grown in our relationship with Him through our covenant with each other.

Honestly, part of me feels like summarizing with "Sorry I'm not sorry," though I know I could be much more successful at reaching out to others, like we are called to do.  As soon as spring shows up, so will I :) In the meantime, pass the Netflix.

I'd love to hear from the married folks, dating folks, engaged folks, and single folks on this phenomenon.

Dear college students, Quick Takes 2

*1*

Wow, a whole year has gone by since my last "Dear College Students" advice spew-age and this time I have some new on-campus experience to back me up! This week was my first week of classes in three and a half years and I'm loving it all over again! It has prompted a whole new list of advice (it's a compulsion), so for those college students out there, this one is for you:

Phones - Oh my gosh. When I was in college, smartphones were extremely rare and very expensive. Few people had them. Yes, there would be a lot of texting and talking going on during the daily class commute, but good grief, nothing like I'm seeing on my campus now. PLEASE, just put your phone away. You will never have the opportunity to see as many people your age on a daily basis as you do in college and you're spoiling it for yourself by permanently positioning your head downward, flicking through Facebook, Words with Friends, and the weather (or whatever y'all are doing on there).

Headphones - I repeat: You will never have the opportunity to see as many people your age on a daily basis as you do in college. You can listen to music when you're doing your homework or when you're by yourself. Can't you just pay attention to the people around you during your walk? I understand some people are anxious and need to calm down with some tunes, but I suggest you'd be less anxious if you gave your mind some quiet time and absorbed your surroundings.

*2*

Smile - This is in-line with the prior nuggets of advice. Once you have mastered storing your phone and your iPod in your bag, notice how many people you're passing along the way. This is not high school anymore. It's OKAY to be friendly and to make people around you feel good and welcome! Smile at the passersby, say hello, wish someone a good morning, all because you CAN. I can't stress this enough: the real world doesn't often bring you into contact with as many strangers as you see in college. Revel in it!

*3*

Date dorks - I don't mean the term "dork" as an insult. It's quite the opposite! I love "dorks" and they are SO much more worthy of your time than the other (two word) phrase that begins with a D and ends with a G. In the last week, I have passed by so many potential two-words (yes, I judged them) and overheard some tales of their conquests. I've also passed by many "dorks" and I am here to tell you THOSE are the guys you want. THOSE are the ones who will respect you and be there for you (generally). Give THOSE guys a chance.

*4*

Trends - Feel free to ignore this one, as I am just about the least fashionable person on my current campus. I suggest not spending at ton of money on fashion trends. If it makes you feel better to be hip-shooby-do-hip-flip-city, by all means, spend $100 on a nice day dress you'll wear 3 times. Otherwise: no one cares if you're wearing something that is 'so last season,' at least not those who value who you really are. Treat yourself, sure! But don't go broke in the process.

*5*

Take the stairs - Plan ahead and make it a habit to take the stairs. I have walked about 20 miles in the last week, no joke. Ask me how much I walked on a weekly average during the last three years in the work force. The answer is closer to 20 meters. Enjoy this time in your life where you use your body as more than a mode of transport for your brain from the desk to the water cooler. If you make it a habit to take the stairs and walk when you can now, perhaps you'll hang onto that when you go into the workforce. 

Side note: when college students go into the workforce, they typically start gaining a few pounds, likely because they transition from walking everywhere to sitting at a desk 8 hours a day. Think ahead.

*6*

Just do it - My parents were extremely gracious to pay for my undergraduate education. I never realized the value of it, but I have a better grasp on that now. It's worth about $100 an hour in the classroom, everyday for a whole semester. Now that I'm paying for my own degree, you better believe I'm going to class with walking pneumonia. Snooze button? You're joking me. I call that the weakness button. The button for those who don't mind flushing their money and time down the toilet.

Just do your work. You have a spare hour, reread your notes. It's a rainy Saturday night and you're too tired to go out, get ahead on your paper due in two weeks. You have an awkward hour and thirty minutes between classes, spend your time looking over the syllabus and planning out when you're going to do which assignments on what day. Just do it. That's your job. It's a sign of true gratitude to your parents, if you're fortunate enough to have parents who are paying your tuition, and it's a sign of non-stupidity, if you're like me and saved up for three years just to empty your bank account for your education.

*7*

Get involved - Let me let you in on a little secret: you're not that busy.

How many hours per day are you in class? Three hours one day? Six hours on a really bad day? Ask your dad how many hours he's working his day job. Then ask him how many hours he "works" as a dad, taking care of your family. Then ask him what weekend activities he's involved in. Finally, ask him what he does in his spare time.

The majority of your time is spare time, I'm sorry to say. I know you're spending a lot of time walking, in class, studying, and fostering relationships. That's beautiful! That's what you're supposed to be doing at your age and stage of life! But don't stop there! Get involved with a club or three. Go to campus events. Meet the people in your class and ask them to join you for coffee. SPEND your time rather than letting it go by unaccounted for.

I want to offer a big plug for getting involved in your Catholic campus ministry club. Yes, it will be awkward to introduce yourself to new people and you may be intimidated by people who seem holier for you, but it's like choosing the stairs over the elevator: healthy choices beget healthy souls.

This is the time you've been waiting for and it's the first step toward a great new world! Make these habits now!

A favor from YOU, please!

Hello friends! May I beg you for a favor?
A few months ago, I quietly shared that I am going back to school for a masters in elementary education. Woooohoooo!! 
So now for the favor. There is a (funny, but awesome) scholarship out there linked to how POPULAR I am and how COOL my friends are (that's you!). The more clicks, the higher my chances of getting the scholarship and the higher the chances of me sneaking Christian messages into public classrooms. 
Yes, I will have a crucifix and prayer cards on my desk. If they let me.
Please click here and then click "sponsor me" to help me become a grade school teacher! Just by clicking on "sponsor me" you essentially vote for me to get this scholarship. That's all! I appreciate your click!

I also appreciate you pinning this (click to pin), tweeting (click to tweet), Facebook posting, emailing, or ANYTHING you feel willing to do. Again, this costs NOTHING for you or your friends. It's just about clicks!

God bless you!

UPDATE:

For more scholarships: I highly recommend Fastweb to anyone who is even *considering* going to school to register and check it out.

A Baby Family Needs Our Help!

If you haven't been following the brave saga of Cristina and Andrew (and Maria Isabella), please go catch up. I'll wait...

Savvy? Aren't they incredible?! (While you're thinking about them, notice the "donate" tab at the top of their blog. Please.)

Well right now, this Christ-focused family is staying in a Ronald McDonald House while they await Maria Isabella's birthday after an intense surgery. The Ronald McDonald House is a finalist for Toyota’s 100 Cars for Good Program. They need our help to win! See instructions below, from the house: 

On JUNE 21st Ronald McDonald House of SNJ needs your VOTE!! We are one of 500 finalist in Toyota’s 100 Cars for Good Program.

We ask you NOW to go to 100carsforgood.com, search for Ronald McDonald House of SNJ, click on our name, click on REMIND ME, click CONFIRM.

That way you will be automatically sent a reminder to VOTE for us on our day, JUNE 21st! Watch our video below to see why our kids need your help….every single vote counts!

After weeks (centuries) of Catholic oppression...

... the world throws us a bone.

Happy Friday!

Our bleeding hearts

For the first time in 2012, I'm posting over at IGNITUM TODAY:

"Do you think they want to die? Tell me, do you think the people training the suicide bombers want to die? Do you? Do you think they want to die?”

The inquisitor exacerbated his vile prodding by point his finger a few inches from my face. Such are the consequences we face by standing up for our faith in this country.

Last week I travelled to the 2012 Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) for my job. I was charged with standing by our booth display, meeting and greeting as many people as possible, and passing out free swag.

It was invigorating to meet so many new people in four days, but exhausting to let my head back in the political banter realm I’ve been avoiding for more than a year.

Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, and Mitt Romney spoke at this 12,000+ attendee conference, spouting about conservative values and carefully reserving more folks for their niche of supporters through careful speechwriting. Many Catholic bloggers out here have thrown their support behind one candidate or another, as if voting for any of them would come without conscience reservations at the ballot box.

As seen at CPAC - seriously.

For this reason, and for a simple and juvenile refusal to accept that this is the best we can do, I have gone on a light political fast. However, “tabling” at this event, swarming with frustrated and energized conservatives, put a temporary end to my poli-diet. CPAC week was a steady build up of anxiety in reaction to the constant complaints about Obama, the loyalty to the firearm, and the debates between sticker-wielding supporters of Romney, Newt, and Santorum.

I found myself in the tough position of agreeing with many talking points being passed around, but strongly disagreeing with so many others. I'm Catholic, not R, D, or L.

All-in-all it started to wear on me.

Read about it here...

Oh, hello - 7QT, Volume 53

Visit ConversionDiary.com for more!

*1*

Hello.

*2*

I discovered something about myself a few years ago. My passionate nature allows me to focus intensely on three things at one time. The fourth thing either bounces off my passion shield (Be gone, archery! We have no room for you here!) or schooches its way into my heart. 

Jesus' yoke is easy and His burden is light.

Of course, said schooching fills me to the brim (I run full steam ahead with three passions) and one lonely item must leave the nest for a little while.

I think you know what lost out this time around.

*3*

Why?

1. Because my personal relationships started to get elbowed out because of number two...

2. I got a part-time job as a youth activities coordinator at my church. It was the tipping factor that indirectly asked me to bop out one of my intensities.

At first, I thought I could do it all. I was going to ORGANIZE myself into success. It's a pipe dream I'm determined to fulfill, but for now the solution was to leave blogging out in the cold.

*4*

So youth ministry is completely different than I thought it would be! I have taught Theology of the Body to teens for almost two years now, but that requires so little prior preparation that I was fooled into thinking youth ministry was as carefree.

It's invigorating and fulfilling, while poking dozens of tiny holes in my reality. I thought I was an organized person (and a psych test agrees... more on that later), but this job has made me realize I need to ENFORCE organization on myself. It doesn't just take care of itself.

*5*

Coin Rubbage

One step in becoming more organized is also my next big piece of news: I'm moving out of my parents' house! I moved into this house as a toddler and I'm moving out a month before my 25th birthday.

To those graduating in May:

Your decision to live at home depends entirely on your discernment and your parents' willingness/insistence. The first thing anyone says when I tell them I "still live at home" is, "ALRIGHT, YOU'RE SMART!" accompanied by their fingers rubbing imaginary coins together in front of my face.

While, yes, I did save money (while paying a reduced rent), the best benefit of "staying at home" is precisely what you took for granted throughout your senior year of high school:

No one can quantify the value of coming home to people who love you. To wake up in a house where I brought home my first "A," while my now-landlords clapped and squealed in excitement is invaluable to me. My wonderful parents and I reconnected as adults and I learned more from them in the last two, perspective-rich years than I did since that first homework assignment.

Thank you, Mommy and Daddy! I'm moving on to learn more, but I love the home you created between all of us.

*6*

My areas of interest. So I like art.

My full-time job provided me with the opportunity to take the Birkman assessment. Ask my family and my beau and they will tell you I can't shut up about it.

Ask me and I tell you I'm enthusiastic about it because I'm a big picture thinker who likes to see how things work out with a plan.

It's SO COOL to have a computer tell you, "Hey, you're insightful, you like to work in smaller groups, but too much solitude is bad for you. When you're stressed out, you will try to withdraw and procrastinate, so try to avoid that by setting up your environment with plenty of organization and time to complete your tasks."

WHAT IS COOLER than seeing your habits and brain quantified? I think I talk about it exactly the right amount of time. Beau? Care to comment? :)

*7*

Bright Maidens announcement time!

We're thinking about switching things up! This change would be reflected in the calendar (click the link, copy the URL, and use it to "subscribe" in your calendar application or format), so we'd like to hear what you think.

The topic that normally falls on a Tuesday will pertain to an entire week. Instead of asking you to write to a one-day deadline, we're giving all of us a chance to wake up a little during the week.

If you have time to write your piece for Monday, have at it! If you want to explain why you think Gilbert Blythe is the ultimate man in 7 short bullet points, please, be our guest and wait until Friday!

I hate over-using the word "busy," especially before I have children, so I won't.... but it might be nice to inject a little flexibility into the week. What do you think?

What I feel like when I run, 7QT, Volume 52

Visit ConversionDiary.com for more!

*1*

I am SO PROUD to announce that my brilliant beau is now a certified Professional Engineer! He is now known as Prince Charming, PE.

After a long, long, long two month stint of 200 pounds of engineering books, hours in a review classroom, and an eight-hour, butt-numbing test... not to mention the two month wait, he received his scores!

What a champion. I knew it!

*2*

His view from the stage

You know when you walk out of a great movie, hear a mind-blowing homily, or go to a comedy show and you can't remember ANYTHING said? I know how you feel.

But I have to assume Jerry Seinfeld was hilarious last week when I saw him in Richmond because I woke up with sore abs and a tight jaw. My dimples were aching.

He doesn't go to very many places when he tours for his comedy show, but he always seems to stop in Richmond at our Landmark Theatre (the Mosque, as we call it). Thank you, Jerry, for keeping it clean, for pointing out the nuances we all think about but can never articulate, and for entertaining me in my very own city!

*3*

About 5 minutes before their flirty snowball fight

My sister and I agreed, independently, that Beauty and the Beast is in great want of a five minute scene of Belle and the Beast falling in Love.

Brief synopsis covering about 15 minutes of the movie:

• Belle finds her father in a dungeon
• Beast takes Belle prisoner instead of father
• Belle escapes, Beast finds her and fends off wolves
• Belle and Beast are in love

Maybe I'm doing this wrong, but it doesn't work that way for me.

Speaking of Disney movies that don't portray Love accurately, I created a new pinboard and I think the ladies out there might enjoy it.

*4*

RunPee.com. Nuff said.

I just learned about this incredibly efficient use of the Internet and other people's time to save your bladder and prevent you from wasting your $46 on a movie ticket. Brilliant.

*5*

Speaking of running... Kayla of The Alluring World and Emily of A Day in the Life and I are on a team. We're virtual running buddies, motivating each other from afar to run and get into shape for our respective races.

I have a 10K run to look forward to on March 31, so if you could file away your prayers a little prematurely, me and my poor muscles would greatly appreciate it.

I ran this race last year, but I'm going to run it without stopping this year. I'm promising myself, and I never back down on a self-promise. The first line in my post from last year's race is:

"Oh man, y'all. I rediscovered something about myself: I am not a runner."

That will change, my friends. Care to join Kayla, Emily, and me?

*6*

After my accidental weeks-long break from blogging due to busyness, I think I made up for it this week with perhaps too many posts!

Our Deepest Fear - A short one that includes a quote that has been a necessary reminder for several years.

Chastity Carnal-val - I enjoy puns about chastity.

Carrying Baby Jesus into Christmas Mass - A call to action for all of us!

Lime spelled backwards - On the anniversary of my Emil Daddy's death

*7*

The Bright Maidens came back strong this week! I hope you didn't notice me skip out on the last one... if you didn't, I'm telling you now.

This week we "reviewed" TLC's new "reality" The Virgin Diaries. I enjoyed the responses, I hope you do too:

Mine, "Chastity Carnal-val"
Julie, "Kiss the Girl!"
Trista, "The Absolutely True Diary of a Virgin"

Katie, "Virgin 'Diaries'" - The woman behind the topic idea.
Alicia, "Virgin is the New Mermaid"
Beth Anne, "Virgin Diaries Review"
Sarah, "Unicorns in Our Midst: 21st Century Virgins"

Our deepest fear

Stop what you're doing and read this quote:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' 

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. 

Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. 

We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. 

As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." (Williamson, Marianne, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles," Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3] -- Sometimes attributed to Nelson Mandela, but he borrowed it from Ms. Williamson)

I know several friends and family members who are looking for a career change, looking for a job, trying to make a big life decision, and learning how to discern. Listen here, y'all.

God don't make junk. He created you with a unique set of talents and strengths. Remember this, read aloud the above quote, and go forth!

One Year of JML Love

Today is the one year anniversary of the unexpected passing of one of my grandparent figures. She was a wonderful, giving woman in every sense of the word. My family celebrated her life this morning at Mass, putting us in communion with her and the rest of the Communion of Saints.


Thank you, God, for putting her in the lives of my mom, my aunt, her husband, her children, her daughters-in-law, the grandchild she got to hold and the twin grandchildren who will learn about her throughout their lives.


In memory, I'm re-posting the eulogy I gave in her honor a year ago (For those who have never heard the Richmond accent, "Hello there" is pronounced <<Hello, they-yah>> and she was famous for it):

Hello they-yah.

One of the most consistent memories I have of Joan Marie was that she was always very well put together. She always had a fun jacket or sweater, perfectly matched shoes, and a fresh face of make-up. I remember that every time I hugged her, I felt a little foundation rub off onto my cheek.

Now, I think I was in 6th grade when I finally grew taller than her, so it was the little ritual I will always remember: first, she’d say “Hello they-yah Elizabuth,” Second, bend down, but not until the last second, so as not to look like I was about to hug a 10 year old. Third, accept the warm kiss on my cheek and feel the slick spot of foundation on my cheekbone. Just like I could feel that little spot on my cheek, we all feel the direct and indirect “rub offs” that Joan left on each of us.

Joan Marie and the house she decorated WERE CHRISTMAS. She used to tickle my dad into submission. Laura and Chris always mentioned each time they received a gift, which was always perfectly wrapped, on time, and ideal for that person, it would most likely be green. My freshman year of college, she IM'd me. My 65 year old Great Aunt IM'd me! I’m sure Michael Jr will testify that she was the coolest Mimi around and he’ll get to tell his new cousins all about her.

Joan lived the faith and didn’t ask for credit. Obviously Matthew 6 was stamped right on her heart. She probably dropped off meals at peoples’ houses who, to this day, do not know from whom they came.

This philosophy spilled over, in abundance, to her life with Saint Gertrude High School. I never knew how involved in Saint Gertrude she was until I was pleasantly surprised to run into her at a class correspondents’ meeting earlier this fall. Gerties love their committees, I think I sit on 3 of them and I’m sure she sat on 30 or more since she graduated. There she was at her alma mater for what was likely her 1000th meeting to discuss Alumnae relations, chatting up some ladies from her Gertie era. She was the popular kid!

When I offered to talk about Joan, Johnny asked me not to be too soupy. So let me see: ham biscuits, broccoli casserole, corn pudding, Peecahn PAHI.

Let’s just agree, the essence of Joan Marie is: Joy. And it’s our job to keep that joy going.

My three favorite scriptures

Mary at 3 Turkeys (plus one) tagged me in my first ever blogging meme. I only vaguely knew what a meme meant, so I winged it until I read the post that had tagged her.

It starts with the question, " What are your 3 favorite scriptures?" And it may never end... muhahahaha!

The rules:

1. Write a post on your three favorite verses from the Bible and why you like them.
2. Link back to this post.
3. In your post, tag three other bloggers to carry this theme forward, link to you and tag additional bloggers.

Tina at Discovering Discernment
Amy at Prosey Pirate
Ellen at Plot Line and Sinker

One

Matthew 7:7-11
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Which one of you would hand his son a stone when he asks for a loaf of bread, or a snake when he asks for a fish? If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him.

I'm certain that all of us have thought that we're unworthy of something, be it love, clarity, happiness, or peace of mind. This verse reminds us that Jesus came to give not only salvation but a covenant of a loving God. "Ask and it will be given to you." Whenever I can remember this, the wave of gratitude washes over me and I bow in prayer. Just ask! Next comes patience... but knowing that you're worthy enough to ask is a valuable spiritual lesson.

Two

2 Thessalonians 2:15

Therefore, brothers, stand firm and hold fast to the traditions that you were taught, either by an oral statement or by a letter of ours.

Though I love this verse as a Catholic who believes in the importance of Sacred Scripture and the traditions passed on by the early apostles, I love it more for what it means to those of us who remain. This verse highlights our importance in the Church as people who pass on the traditions and teachings to others. Catholics should do more evangelizing. This verse is one in a million ways we know we're on the right path, so let's invite more people on the journey with us!

Three

Mark 4:36-41

Leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat just as he was. And other boats were with him.  A violent squall came up and waves were breaking over the boat, so that it was already filling up. Jesus was in the stern, asleep on a cushion. They woke him and said to him, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?" He woke up, rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, "Quiet! Be still!" The wind ceased and there was great calm. Then he asked them, "Why are you terrified? Do you not yet have faith?" They were filled with great awe and said to one another, "Who then is this whom even wind and sea obey?"

(I don't own rights)

Many times in my life I have needed the reminder of this passage. The disciples had the Son of God on the boat with them and they still worried about drowning. They were angry that he could sleep while they were expecting for the boat to go down with them in it. I have to remember that Jesus is in the boat with me, too, and that the Father will not give me more than I can handle.




Update:


Ellen's post response.
Tina's post response.


Thanks ladies!

Cut to the Chaste

Week Six: Sex Before Marriage

"The More Things Change, the More They Stay the Same" by Julie at The Corner with a View
"Three Strikes, I'm Out!" by Trista at Not a Minx, a Moron, or a Parasite

"Cut to the Chaste" by Elizabeth at Startling the Day

This is the sixth post of a blog post series called "Bright Maidens." We three are from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. We're here to dispel the myths and misconceptions- please join us for the discussion!

The Big Rule: no sex before marriage. It's a concept that seems pretty simple when you forget that rules are often useless to the flawed human race without reasoning and understanding supporting them.

(I don't own the rights)

My mom "conditioned" my sisters and me from the tender age of three to follow this big abstinence rule. As I mentioned in my review of Jason and Crystalina's newest book, my mom sat her daughters in front of the 1954 musical, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, and drove home the point that men and women sleep separately until they get married.

I intend to buy the Blu-ray version of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers and convert it to hologramray or whatever technology comes next until I have my own children. Learning that men and women sleep separately until marriage when I was still eating glue and drawing incomprehensible crayon artwork on the floor was immeasurably helpful in my life.

This is especially accurate considering life outside of my home tried to make fun of the values that my parents instilled. The TVs played music when the characters finally got together, suggesting there was actual magic shooting back and forth between those kisses. Now we harbor little doubt that the next step these characters take will lead to the bedroom.

The commercials started to use innuendo and now we have public displays of American embarrassment in shows like Teen Mom and The Secret Life of the American Teenager.

My mother got to me early and drove home the Big Rule before the media had a chance to get me, but it was really my peers I had to worry about. The media plague got to many of my classmates before it affected me (thanks mom and dad, for banning shows like "The Simpsons").  These peers' influence, sarcasm, and general attitude about topics such as sex and romantic love started acting like a marinade on me.

Society's lessons about how to be "normal" finally got to me and all of the champion avoidance efforts I could muster were no match for an attack from all sides.

Happily, my parents used anatomical names instead of cutesy names, they were always available to talk, unembarrassed, and transparent when we had questions. We had comfortable talks about sex instead of ones that made you want to crawl into a ball and be absorbed by the carpet.

The supposedly liberated media can't claim to be unembarrassed like my parents. Movies or TV shows with any sexual innuendo carry a hint of embarrassment, wrongdoing, or "shoulda, woulda, coulda" when the sexual relationship doesn't pan out as the characters anticipate.

You knew I had to add Grey's Anatomy (I don't own rights)

What is missing? Where is the freedom?

I was brought up to mutter commentary like, "Well, maybe you shouldn't have had sex," whenever the characters broke down in tears after a break up. I followed the rule to a T. No sex until marriage, at all costs.

Then came high school where my friends and classmates started drinking and having sex, making me feel like I was far better than most and that I didn't want to judge these people for their decisions.

My solution was to continue my non-drinking, non-sexual ways and decide that my decision was my decision alone. It mattered not what they did -- sometimes this attitude led to my encouragement of behavior I would never consider, softening my perception of the wrongs I was opposed to my entire life.

Then came college and the "normal" college lifestyle I knew so well from the movies and TV shows. The fun happens at parties: the end. Therefore, go to parties and do fun things like drink, flirt with the opposite sex, and make-out with complete strangers while the smell of Natty Light and Axe hangs in the air.

Cut to the Chaste

The mantra went: I wasn't having sex, my outfits were classier than those girls, I wasn't getting wasted every weekend, and I only had the stranger encounters a few times.

But was I still the three-year-old sitting Indian style in front of the musicals and wholesome movies I would watch as a child? The "bloom" had been rubbed off because I was advancing away from that simple, innocent life, edging as close as possible to sin, and treading through Sin Candyland "for fun."

I started dating and with that comes smooching.

It's risky to think we can go at full speed in a passionate make out session with petting and expect to put on the breaks every time. In fact, it's just plain mean to yourself and to your partner to get hot and heavy with the expectation that you're going to stop before sex "happens."

Sex doesn't just happen, choices are made and then adults consent (except in the obvious cases of rape). One of these choice checkpoint is kissing and it's up to the individual to know when we start to lie to our body saying, "Hey, we're going to have sex with this person before we get off the couch," when we have no intention to advance that far.

Sexuality isn't one size fits all. Sex isn't dirty or evil either. It's supposed to be a beautiful foreshadowing of the union with God in heaven.

(I don't own the rights)

God is supposed to be involved, much like He is supposed to be involved in relationships leading to marriage and involved in the marriage itself. Sacrament is the key word we're searching for.

We can blame society until our faces turn blue because it pushes a subtle (and not-so-subtle) agenda on us. However, I don't think we can be satisfied with this one Big Rule.

We need to understand why we're choosing differently than the characters in Friends. We need to understand why making out with everything with a heartbeat devalues our perception of what should be a tender moment. We need to date with purpose instead of treating the people of the opposite sex as truck stops on the way to the destination.

Ladies, we need to know we're dressing modestly so we know that the men in our lives are there because they see something revealed within us instead of something revealed by our blouses. Gentlemen, you need to know you're half of the equation and your conviction needs to be steadfast and consistent, even if you're dating someone with a less than pure past.

Chastity means learning and respecting all of the reasons we were created. Love your spouse before you meet them and prevent yourself from making the mistakes that don't easily leave your memory.

I've written letters to my future husband at many points in my transition back to chastity. They explain that I already love him and that I'm excited to share the fruits of my chaste labors in our marriage. I think these fruits will show themselves in our relationship before marriage, on our wedding night, and in our public married life.

A fruit basket from Me, to Me, stocked by God. I bet it tastes like freedom.

When the Holy Spirit V8®-smacked me in the forehead

My sister Christine is a Christian, even with the dog. She is eighteen months younger than me and has always been eighteen times more giving of her love, affection, and generosity than I have.

When she was little and we braved preschool together, she reached out to the "new kids" or the shy kids on her very first day, trying to make everyone feel included. Before she knew much about Christ and the sacrifice on the cross, Christine leaked Christ's Love everywhere.

Tracy, a black lab/German shepherd, is senile and has a hard time going to the lady's room... or more often, she has a very easy time going to the lady's room. Inside the house.

When we don't feed her the food she likes, she refuses to eat for days. Her arthritis is incapacitating her legs and its becoming more and more difficult for her to sit and stand easily. Her solution is to pace all day long.

This dog walks a marathon a day, plopping down randomly with sound like thunder, sleeping for 789 seconds (using the lady's room without her knowledge as she sleeps), and popping up to her feet like we shot a gun over her peaceful head.

Tracy has been in my life for one and a half decades and I love her, but I easily frustrate over her new, old lady quirks. I lose patience with her on a daily basis, though I will miss her when she dies.

Christine, however, treats her like a person. She comforts Tracy when she's at home, she makes trips to the store and restocks her favorite food, she scolds us when we lose our patience with her deterioration, and she shows Tracy the love we abandon from time to time.

I found myself getting frustrated with Christine a few weeks ago. I thought, "You're such a sucker, why put so much effort into being nice to her when she doesn't remember what she's doing?"

The Holy Spirit V8®-smacked me in the forehead.

My sister shows her patience, love, kindness, and effort because she tries to exert the kind of Love Jesus came to Earth to explain. Even though Tracy doesn't have a human soul, she is part of God's creation and is worthy of respect.

(I don't own the rights)

Tracy might claw at the door to go outside, Christine will let her out, Tracy's senility will dissolve any reasoning she had for going outside and compel her to impatiently knock and bark to come back in, all in a span of sixty seconds.

Christine is unfailing and completes this ritual a dozen times an hour, when she's home. The dog doesn't remember Christine's patience, her aide, or her sacrifice, but Christine continues to offer it.

We remember an immeasurably tiny amount of the patience, aide, sacrifice, and gifts of our Father, His Son, and the Holy Spirit.

How many times has Satan asked of God, "Come on, just give up! There's no point, see? They don't even notice how much you do for them. Isn't that exhausting?"

He never gives up on us. There's nothing we can do to make Him love us less. He wants us to seek Him, but in the meantime we can witness His sacrifice, aide, patience and clues.

We're prodigal sons and lost coins, even when we don't know it. Praise God and His exhaustive effort to seek all of us!

Less is More

Week Four: Patron Saints

"Saint Who?" by Julie at The Corner with a View
"Budding Hope" by Trista at Not a Minx, a Moron, or a Parasite

"Less is More" by Elizabeth at Startling the Day

This is the fourth post of a Lenten blog post series called "Bright Maidens." We three are from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. We're here to dispel the myths and misconceptions- please join us for the discussion!

A few months ago, Jen Fulwiler created and shared a "Saint Generator" that randomly conjured a saint's name and brief bio for users. She suggested we say a prayer and adopt the resulting saint, giving him or her a little test drive with the impression that we were meant to "get" that saint.

Drum roll, please, I thought. CLICK... St. Thomas More. Hrmpf.

Don't misunderstand: he's a fascinating, intelligent, wonderful man we can all look to for sound words of wisdom. But I already knew about him.

I wanted to get a random saint I'd never heard of and converse with them over their bizarre life. "You had how many animals? And with how many swords did they impale you? Cool!"

Most of my English literature classes in college revolved around the Reformation, so I have read Utopia, heard the story of St. Thomas More from the mouths of secular professors, and danced politely in a discourse with my fellow students about the split from the Church.

St. Thomas More was old news. Or so I thought. In preparing for this post, I realized how my chosen patron saint and this randomly selected adopted saint relate to a recent revelation.

Elizabeth Anne Seton

Like so many things about the beginning of my faith life, I sided with convenience and routine during my confirmation preparation. There is something to be said in support of ritual. 

Even prayers we invent as we lay down to speak to Jesus before we sleep have a pattern to them, all Christians can agree to this. Standing in a circle, holding hands with strangers or acquaintances so that we can join in unity with the words of the Our Father (Lord's Prayer) is a ritual.

Many of you might have chosen your patron saints for spiritual reasons. I picked Elizabeth Ann Seton because we shared two names (cue Anne of Green Gables speech about Anne with an "E").

Statue of Elizabeth. (I don't own the rights)

My name, as the Church recognizes it, is Elizabeth Anne Elizabeth Ann Seton Hillgrove. I received books, medals, and pamphlets all about the life of Elizabeth Ann Seton and what did I know about her after two years of study? 

She was the first American-born saint, her husband died of tuberculosis, and she was the patron saint of widows, against the death of children, and against in-law problems. Dang, I picked a morbid one.

It's possible she will help me with one or more of those (please, with the latter), but the fact that she was a convert from Episcopalian faith begs more of my attention today. This woman faced more tragedy and up-current swimming than many people half as busy as she was.

Her husband died in Italy, where they had traveled to nurse him back to health, and she found herself an Episcopalian widow surrounded by physical reminders of the Catholic Church.

Soon she was inspired, uplifted and felt called to convert, though she would soon be without finances. Her conversion alienated her from the family upon whom she would ordinarily be able to depend.

Liz meets More

Eventually, St. Elizabeth founded the Sisters of Charity and became the first American-born saint at her canonization in 1975. I don't think I knew she was a convert when I picked her for my confirmation, but I'm glad she was.

My "I have this log in my eye..." post addressed my impatience with Protestants. I have a problem and I need God's Grace to reverse it. It's no coincidence that I have faced anti-Catholicism, now I resent it, and both my patron and adopted saint dealt with both sides of the same see-saw.

St. Thomas More (I don't own the rights)

The intersection of my patron and my adopted saint affords me something to reflect upon. How to stand up for the Church, how to attempt intelligent discourse among people with whom I disagree, how to be willing to offer up my suffering or how give my life in martyrdom.

This seems like a coincidence, and of course I'm focusing on this aspect of their similarities, but recognizing the connection between my saints has opened a can of worms. They weave themselves into my day. I'm still learning what this connection means, but I'm doing so with a simple approach.

I just suggest that you recall your patron saint, say a prayer, and click "Show Me My Saint" on Jen Fulwiler's Saint Generator. See what kind of connection is waiting to happen in the Communion of Saints.