How to write at letter to someone (you don't know) on a retreat

Years and years ago, I wrote a guide on How to Write a Letter to Someone on a Retreat. It has brought more search engine-arrived traffic to my blog than any other post, by far, and I hope it has been helpful.

As I was cleaning up the spam comments, I saw a real comment from someone suggesting I write a How-To on writing a letter to someone one doesn't know who is also on a retreat.

Super hipster photo by MILKOVÍ on Unsplash

This is a common act of service: writing a letter (palanca, as they are called in my circle) to someone on a retreat even when they are a stranger to you. When retreatants are given their packet of letters and they notice letters from people they've never met who are praying for them, they're further surrounded by the Body of Christ. It can been the source of transformation for someone who might not regularly feel that familial Love within the Church.

In my other post on writing retreat letters, I began with a series of questions to figure out how deep you want to go with the person to whom you're writing. Obviously, that's not a step we can take here. Instead, examine yourself and how you can authentically communicate what you know about Christ's message.

1. What's the likelihood that this person had to battle with the Evil One to make it to this retreat? Consider warning them that they might be going through complicated emotions and obstinate during the retreat because the devil doesn't want him or her there. This might help them feel a little relief over the battle going on inside and open their heart a little more.

2. What was your experience when you were on one of these retreats? Give them an anecdote, especially if it's a truthful one about how you didn't necessarily have that giant 'ah-ha' moment that everyone else seemed to feel. Encourage them that the journey to Faith isn't about the seen and the felt.

3. What works of mercy can they employ during the remainder of the retreat? Encourage them to reach out to someone they've never met before or to go on a hike when they really just want to lay on their bed. Challenge them to treat the retreat like a chance to do something differently. They can always go back to "normal" when they get home (little do they know that our Lord will always be working on them).

4. Are they journaling during their time? Enclose a blank piece of paper (and a pencil, if possible) and encourage them to write down some of their thoughts. Tell them that it's okay if the thoughts are rants or if they seem pointless. God can work with that.

5. Obviously, you have to keep this letter slightly general and one-sided, as you don't know this individual. Know that when I received letters during my retreats from people I didn't know, I was reminded about the Body of Christ. We are all in the Communion of Saints and I was privileged to know that someone cared enough about the Church (the people in it) to write to a stranger.

Things to remember:

• Less is more. Lots of words do not always mean more love. You can have a greater impact with carefully chosen, few words.
• Keep in mind that he or she is probably exhausted. Retreats can take it out of you, physically and spiritually. He or she may not know how he or she feels at that point. Assure them that's okay.
• He or she either learned new facts about the faith or are trying to convince himself or herself they haven't learned anything. Assure them that retreats affect people differently.
• The person to whom you are writing may disagree with or dislike something about the faith. Encourage them to ask questions of the priest, if you suspect this is the case. Remind them to remain calm and polite when doing this. Discussion is good, but hostility will produce skewed results.
• Quotes are used so often because smart people pack HUMONGOUS messages in succinct, profound nuggets. Before you start your letter, pick a few quotes or Bible verses that embody what you'd want to hear at a retreat. You may be surprised by what comes out of your pen without aid and may not need to use the quotes/verses... but it doesn't hurt to have them if you need them.

Dear College Students, Part 3

It's that time again.  To distract myself from the nervous twitch developing in my right cheek in anticipation of my own first day of school approaching, I will share with you a great post that I wish I wrote!

Young and Catholic is a blog I've read for a while and now that I'm slowly getting back on the blogging horse, I have returned to loving it!

She writes:

Dear Students,
Another school year is beginning, and I remember those first day of school jitters I used to get without fail every year—the ones you might be experiencing now.  The excitement over picking out that first day of school outfit, getting super organized with back-to-school supply shopping, and of course day-dreaming that this could be the year I’d meet “the one.” 

If there’s one thing I want for you to know as you begin this new school year, it’s that nothing within those four walls of your school has the power to define who you are. 

In school you may find that there are a lot of things competing for your attention; so many things begging you to invest your whole identity in.  “I am an ‘A Student,’” or, “I am a ‘student council member,’” or, “I belong to this group.”

Finish reading it at Young and Catholic.

Dear college students, Quick Takes 2

*1*

Wow, a whole year has gone by since my last "Dear College Students" advice spew-age and this time I have some new on-campus experience to back me up! This week was my first week of classes in three and a half years and I'm loving it all over again! It has prompted a whole new list of advice (it's a compulsion), so for those college students out there, this one is for you:

Phones - Oh my gosh. When I was in college, smartphones were extremely rare and very expensive. Few people had them. Yes, there would be a lot of texting and talking going on during the daily class commute, but good grief, nothing like I'm seeing on my campus now. PLEASE, just put your phone away. You will never have the opportunity to see as many people your age on a daily basis as you do in college and you're spoiling it for yourself by permanently positioning your head downward, flicking through Facebook, Words with Friends, and the weather (or whatever y'all are doing on there).

Headphones - I repeat: You will never have the opportunity to see as many people your age on a daily basis as you do in college. You can listen to music when you're doing your homework or when you're by yourself. Can't you just pay attention to the people around you during your walk? I understand some people are anxious and need to calm down with some tunes, but I suggest you'd be less anxious if you gave your mind some quiet time and absorbed your surroundings.

*2*

Smile - This is in-line with the prior nuggets of advice. Once you have mastered storing your phone and your iPod in your bag, notice how many people you're passing along the way. This is not high school anymore. It's OKAY to be friendly and to make people around you feel good and welcome! Smile at the passersby, say hello, wish someone a good morning, all because you CAN. I can't stress this enough: the real world doesn't often bring you into contact with as many strangers as you see in college. Revel in it!

*3*

Date dorks - I don't mean the term "dork" as an insult. It's quite the opposite! I love "dorks" and they are SO much more worthy of your time than the other (two word) phrase that begins with a D and ends with a G. In the last week, I have passed by so many potential two-words (yes, I judged them) and overheard some tales of their conquests. I've also passed by many "dorks" and I am here to tell you THOSE are the guys you want. THOSE are the ones who will respect you and be there for you (generally). Give THOSE guys a chance.

*4*

Trends - Feel free to ignore this one, as I am just about the least fashionable person on my current campus. I suggest not spending at ton of money on fashion trends. If it makes you feel better to be hip-shooby-do-hip-flip-city, by all means, spend $100 on a nice day dress you'll wear 3 times. Otherwise: no one cares if you're wearing something that is 'so last season,' at least not those who value who you really are. Treat yourself, sure! But don't go broke in the process.

*5*

Take the stairs - Plan ahead and make it a habit to take the stairs. I have walked about 20 miles in the last week, no joke. Ask me how much I walked on a weekly average during the last three years in the work force. The answer is closer to 20 meters. Enjoy this time in your life where you use your body as more than a mode of transport for your brain from the desk to the water cooler. If you make it a habit to take the stairs and walk when you can now, perhaps you'll hang onto that when you go into the workforce. 

Side note: when college students go into the workforce, they typically start gaining a few pounds, likely because they transition from walking everywhere to sitting at a desk 8 hours a day. Think ahead.

*6*

Just do it - My parents were extremely gracious to pay for my undergraduate education. I never realized the value of it, but I have a better grasp on that now. It's worth about $100 an hour in the classroom, everyday for a whole semester. Now that I'm paying for my own degree, you better believe I'm going to class with walking pneumonia. Snooze button? You're joking me. I call that the weakness button. The button for those who don't mind flushing their money and time down the toilet.

Just do your work. You have a spare hour, reread your notes. It's a rainy Saturday night and you're too tired to go out, get ahead on your paper due in two weeks. You have an awkward hour and thirty minutes between classes, spend your time looking over the syllabus and planning out when you're going to do which assignments on what day. Just do it. That's your job. It's a sign of true gratitude to your parents, if you're fortunate enough to have parents who are paying your tuition, and it's a sign of non-stupidity, if you're like me and saved up for three years just to empty your bank account for your education.

*7*

Get involved - Let me let you in on a little secret: you're not that busy.

How many hours per day are you in class? Three hours one day? Six hours on a really bad day? Ask your dad how many hours he's working his day job. Then ask him how many hours he "works" as a dad, taking care of your family. Then ask him what weekend activities he's involved in. Finally, ask him what he does in his spare time.

The majority of your time is spare time, I'm sorry to say. I know you're spending a lot of time walking, in class, studying, and fostering relationships. That's beautiful! That's what you're supposed to be doing at your age and stage of life! But don't stop there! Get involved with a club or three. Go to campus events. Meet the people in your class and ask them to join you for coffee. SPEND your time rather than letting it go by unaccounted for.

I want to offer a big plug for getting involved in your Catholic campus ministry club. Yes, it will be awkward to introduce yourself to new people and you may be intimidated by people who seem holier for you, but it's like choosing the stairs over the elevator: healthy choices beget healthy souls.

This is the time you've been waiting for and it's the first step toward a great new world! Make these habits now!

Dear college students, Part 3 - 7QT, Volume 40

Click here to read the original post at ConversionDiary.com

*1*

I've hit the big 4-0! I feel spry and energetic. Well, that's not quite true, since I tend to stay up way too late finishing these 7 Quick Takes. I am happy to share my next installment of my advice to college students right here in my 7QT.

These are aimed at seniors and other upperclassmen. You thought you could escape!? No way, José.

First of all: do as I say, not as I do.

That is a theme running through virtually EVERY piece of advice I or others can offer you. This doesn't mean you should make the mistakes we make since we survived and learned from them. Make new mistakes! You can write about them on your blog in two years!

*2*

If you haven't pulled an all-nighter yet, I applaud you.

And now I send you to the library to stay up all night. You should know what it feels like because:
A) there's something transient in living two full days without the veil of sleep between them and
B) you will never have the opportunity to go a full 24 hours without sleep without serious consequences, except now.

A follow-up on this bit of advice: don't you dare drive.

Savvy? Now, go procrastinate like a college student and caffeinate yourself.

*3*

You know how I said "you will never have the opportunity" to spare a night of sleep without serious consequences except during this time...about 20 seconds ago? That's because you're in college. You have time.

This baby thinks he's tired. He should ask his MOM about fatigue.

I don't want to be a cynical college graduate, but I'm in the position of both walking in your shoes and in the shoes of someone who works 40+ hours a week for a paycheck. School is much different from work and if I could go back, I would smack myself in the face every time I complained about being busy or not having enough time to do something.

Oh, I would also smack myself for being too tired.

I leave room in my life for Future-Mother-Elizabeth to go back in time and smack Full-Time-Job-Elizabeth. See? The circle of life.

*4*

In my second post to college students, I suggested that freshmen should get to know their professors immediately. This is my echo to you: keep a strong relationship with your professors.

Say hello to them, stop by during their office hours just to say "Hi," ask them for help, and keep them informed about your future plans. If you don't already have a job (because you're not a 2011 Superhero), then you're going to need their guidance very soon.

These men and women provide your recommendations for internships, graduate school, and job applications. Treat them well, as human beings, but also as people who are invested in you and your future.

*5*

Go on a tour of your campus. You haven't been on one of these since you were a senior in high school. Write down how it felt differently than the first time you toured.

Take pictures like you're a tourist.

Planking

Consider planking.

*6*

Buy a journal and make a goal to write in it every week. Pick a day and set a time, no excuses, to write for at least five minutes about anything on your mind. Get into the habit and you will eventually write more often and longer than five minutes, once a week.

This is a routine that can vastly improve how you digest your life.

*7*

Pick a freshman, or six, and become their friend. If you already make a habit of being friendly, that's wonderful! Do it more.

Aw, look! Freshmen.

The first few weeks of freshman year can set the pace for the whole semester. The first semester sets the pace for the year. The year can set the pace for who one hangs out with and what influences him or her.

Of course there are opportunities for change and new directions throughout those four years, but how many more smart decisions would you have made if a big, bad senior befriended YOU in your first week. If you had a stable, devout role model and confidant, would you have made some of the choices you now consider misguided?

Evangelizing doesn't have to begin with, "Hey, I'm Billy Bob. Have you found Jesus?!"

It can begin with, "Hey, can I help you carry that?" or "I always get lost in this part of campus, where are you headed?"

Any other alums are encouraged to share YOUR advice for seniors!

Dear college students, Part 2

Emily tagged me in a "7 Deep Thoughts" meme, so I am using this opportunity to continue my elongated letter to college students before classes start in the next two weeks.

Ahem, this meme comes with an award. I'd like to thank the Academy.

1. Your life is broken up into 14 to 16 week segments. Later, you'll wish you had those bookend months of rest in between work periods, so buckle down and make them count. However, avoid whining when you have a lot of work to do because it will be over sooner than you think.

2. Introduce yourself to twenty people on move-in day.

3. Go night skiing. In a few years, you won't want to be that cold, that late at night. Plus your butt is more resilient in your late teens and early twenties.

4. Study hard your first three weeks, no exceptions. Making that a habit and letting your professor know that you care about his or her class will change your life. During those first few weeks, introduce yourself to your professors, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you.

5. Sit at a table in the dining hall that is already partially occupied (bring a friend if this makes you too uncomfortable to attempt alone) and strike up a conversation with new people.

6. Go to the "Club Carnival" or whatever your school calls the event in which the Pickle Ball, Chess, and Newman clubs set up tables and shove sign up sheets into your hands. Sign up for twice as many things as you think you can handle and go to the first meeting for each of them. You can pick your favorites later.

7. Don't carry a purse, that's a tell-tale sign of a freshman. If you're a senior or a junior, dress like an adult to set yourself apart. Your professors will respect you as the adult you are.

Dear college students, Part 1

"Honestly, I don't think Jesus was against beer or alcohol. But I definitely think he would have a problem with Natty." -My beau

For those teens anxiously anticipating your first orientation day that will kickstart your college freshman year, "Natty" is short for "Natural Light." This is also referred to as "World's Grossest Beer," "Why, why, why are you drinking that," and "Ew, I would rather save up money for a single, decent beer than drink this urine water."

This information shouldn't be helpful to you because you are, after all, eighteen years old, but it does help to know the vocabulary before your blogger drops some knowledge right in your face.

Not an endorsement. Ew, I just gagged.

College

...Doesn't have to revolve around someone else's expectations. You get to make the call about what kind of college life you want to lead and which choices you want to make.

The other day my beau and I went out for a night on the town and had a great time meeting friendly people. We're more the sit-around-a-fire-pit-and-chat type, but we enjoyed meeting new people and hanging out with our friends.

Our 21+ selves chose to imbibe moderately, but the only beer (yumm) available was a selection of low quality, light beers (ew).

We don't drink much anyway, so the cheaper selection didn't influence anything but our sour faces after the first sip.

Someone once told me that Bud Light was the leftover, reject beer produced after Budweiser cans the top crop. Fellow readers, this is why Jesus would "have a problem with Natty."

These low quality, "low calorie" beers that we see exclusively at college and young adult parties are made available only for their alcohol content (albeit low) and cheaper price. No one enjoys their taste. Their light flavor allows the drinker to fit a few extra cans into their belly, unlike a high-quality, deliciously caloric beer.

The lower alcohol content balances out the light calories because one who drinks to get drunk has to pound down more to feel the buzz and beyond. Youngins tend to pour this into their system as a means to an end, with drunkenness or buzz in sight.

What would Jesus do? First of all, He would obey His parents and wait until Caesar's law and his drinking age matched up. Secondly, he would make water into good wine and leave the case of cheap beer in the corner.

Almost as awkward as a flock of Segways.

To the eighteen-year-old soon-to-be freshmen out there: don't fool yourself into believing that the only "college" experience is at a party. More than likely, there will only be Natty (which you really aren't old enough to drink anyway, but why would you want to) and a bunch of people standing around awkwardly (or belligerently), grasping for someone to stand with.

To the older college students: hopefully you've discovered how boring most of those parties can be. I'll go so far to say that they're boring unless you drink to get drunk, even then, you're just too drunk to notice that you're talking with a complete stranger about an "Animal House" poster on the wall. (Let it be known, I will watch "Animal House" any day of the week.)

To my younger self: I know you used to pretend you enjoyed those parties and you drank with the intention of getting drunk. Later you'll learn that college isn't a one-size-fits-all situation. You aren't missing out on anything by listening to your true self and going to a movie with your friends instead of "going out." There are far more fulfilling ways to spend your college career.

Plus, I want you to learn the fine taste of a good beer without having to drink the flavored eau de toilette that is Natty once you hit your twenty-first birthday.