Sunday, May 22, 2016

Unintentional Pain

"Are you guys EVER going to have kids? I mean, like, ever?!"

Words of a family friend with the pro-life intentions of being excited about young people starting to grow their family. Unfortunately, he said it to the wrong couple.

When I hear couples talk about wanting to travel, establish their career, and "get to know each other better" for several more years, I've always been tempted to judge them. 

Alright, I'm a sinner. I judge them. But I'm working on it.

Now I judge them with jealous frustration because they take for granted the idea that having kids is automatic and occurs exactly when YOU plan on it. Unfortunately, many Catholic and Christian friends are making the same assumptions about the ease of pregnancy just by asking a few simple questions.

I'm sure this aforementioned family friend (aided by some wedding alcohol) was thinking we were among that number of millennials who have been avoiding kids like the plague, armed with condoms and birth control pills. We're not.

I've debated how to address this in a blog post that few, if any, will ever read. I know how unrealistic and childish it is to think announcing NUNYA will be effective. Additionally, while it is nunya, I want people to learn that your words may be misleading to their hearers. 

When someone asks me, "Do you have kids?", I answer, "God hasn't blessed us yet."  Rather than forbidding my readers from asking the many versions of "Where in the heck are the kids?!" that we've heard over the years, I want to request you express your curiosity differently. Try:

"Has God blessed you with kids yet?"

While I'll no better relish answering, "No," to that question, I'll appreciate that you recognize that life is a miracle, not a given.

I feel confident God will bless us, either biologically or through adoption. While I'm working on getting a handle on my patience with that, please help guard the hearts of other couples who wish they could answer your queries, "YES!! GOD IS SO GOOD! We expect our bundle of joy soon!"

@StartlingtheDay Elizabeth's post signature

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