Saturday, August 1, 2015

Plus One and Single

We're smack dab in the middle of wedding season, so the invitations are pouring into our house. I know those living the temporary vocation of singleness might be facing the plus one question: should I bring someone or celebrate the couple with my groovy self? This is for you ladies and gentlemen who have already decided to use that plus one, gar-gang-it, and you're going to use it right!

I never used my plus one to invite a male to a wedding; I've tussled with guilt over the years for having brought my sister to one wedding and a girl friend to another. The following is what I would have done if I could think of a quality guy with whom I wanted to spend time during one of the most funnorible events: weddings!

Good excuse to share a photo
from my 2013 wedding, yes?
(Photo: Jackie McCool)
All scenarios:

You don't have to know ahead of time if this is THE ONE, you just have to know them. No strangers.

Pick someone you know with whom you could enjoy spending potentially stressful time and who will be a team player that night.  "Can I get you a drink?" "Let's dance!" or "You don't want to dance? That's okay, let's grab some cake and people watch," should plausibly come out of his mouth.

Don't text or email this request. Let's be grown ups (clarified: let's be grown ups from the Greatest Generation, instead of the Generation That Cannot Handle Social Interaction).

Give the guy at least two weeks, but perhaps more, in order to ensure he can be there.

"I want to invite you" and "I would like to invite you" are tempting examples of how syntax and word magic take the pressure off of what you're really doing: inviting them to a wedding. PLEASE COMMENT below because I'd love to hear your thoughts. My armchair opinion is that the asker should just come out and use a more direct version: "Please join me."

You are in the wedding party:

If you have never been a bridesmaid or groomsmen before, know that you will spend little to no time with your date until about two hours into the reception. This person has to be able to fend for themselves or know someone else at the party to hang with until you are free. Chances are, if you're going to find value from this post, it's because you're not sure if you like-like this guy or if you do like-like this guy.

If the guy is your good friend, you won't have much trouble with the wording:

"Bro, I have a plus one for a wedding next month. I know you and I would have fun! Just know that I'm in the wedding party, so I won't be with you until after the first dance."

If the guy is someone you consider a friend, but you are wondering if God might be showing you that outcrop of rock

"I'm calling because I am inviting you to join me at my friend's wedding next month. I think we'd have fun!" -pause for normal human conversation effect- "I am a bridesmaid, so I will be with the bridal party for the first half of the wedding. We could get dinner with a few other friends of mine next week, so you can meet cool people to hang out with during the first half."

You are not in the wedding party:

If the guy is your good friend:

"Bro, I have a plus one for a wedding next month. I know you and I would have fun! Two questions: are you available? And chicken or beef?"

If the guy is someone you consider a friend, but you are wondering if God might be showing you that outcrop of rock

"Will you join me at my friend's wedding next month? I think we'd have fun!"

It would be a good idea to still grab dinner with a few friends who will be at the party so that this guy isn't walking in blind, but you will know if that feels appropriate.

For these fellas that we're wondering about, I suggest taking several deep breaths before making the ask. Ask the Holy Spirit to let you know how to proceed from there so that you lay the foundation for a fun evening!

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1 comment:

Liesl said...

I took one of my best girl friends as my plus one, and had an absolute blast (and she did too!). I took one of my best guy friends (definitely just a friend for forever and always) to YOUR wedding, and we both had a blast - it certainly helped that his jovial nature fit right in with your family and friends ;) So I think you can take guys or girls to weddings, as long as it's someone you will enjoy being with. I am going to a wedding in Chicago this winter, and am trying to decide if I want to invite that same guy friend or a girl friend for a weekend away in Chicago.

I will say though that I usually just go to weddings alone. When it's a family wedding, all of my family is there and I don't feel like I need to bring someone else into the mix. For weddings of friends where I know a lot of people, I enjoy going alone so I can catch up and hang out with all my friends who will be there.

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